About a month and a half ago I admitted myself into mental health at a local hospital. I had reached a breaking point where I was really admitting to myself and to all my loved ones that I need serious help with some mental issues that have been going on for a long time in my life.
Since then, I have begun therapy and it is going rather well. The doc is basically saying that I am bipolar and I have admitted to having extreme problems with Body Dsymorphic Disorder. These are things that I realize I need to get medication for. I have feared being put on meds for a very long time. I am only twenty-four but have had these issues for as long as I can remember-since childhood. With going to the hospital and ripping off my masks, I have accepted the fact that I need to medication - along with behavioral/cognitive therapy - It may not be "forever". . . just - we'll see.
Well. I had a few psychiatrists to call that my psychologist highly recommended. And because I actually like and trust her and feel that she can help me - I was well and ready to call them. I actually had this feeling of relief that I could finally get some real help ---- with my mood swings and terrible dissassociation with my view of my physical person...and also my general absence of self worth and confusion of Who I Really Am.
I just found out that I am pregnant. A week ago. I was late and just figured I'd take a test to make sure. Every one I take is positive. I got a blood test and am waiting for a result.
I am actually kind of happy that I am pregnant. I have a supportive partner who loves me (and I him) and we both of great families and friends to support us.
But...guys. I am just so f***ed up. I don't want to put it that way - but it's just kind of true. I feel like all of this craziness JUST happened - that I am finally getting real help and establishing a life and a way..........
And now a life into the equation??? I am so overwhelmed!!!!!!!!!
I guess I just need some advice from people who may have similar stories? Or are also Bipolar? Or have the BD? THESE THINGS ALONG WITH PREGNANCY. And what about medication?????????????
Uuuuugh - I just feel so lost and so scared and shitty. And my boyfriend is just such a regular kind of guy - he doesn't understand this stuff. It's not that he doesn't care (though it sometimes feels like he doesn't).............he just can't even begin to understand what it's like to be in my head -
Please, Please help.
Hi Nakedandlaughing, first off I think you are incredibly brave to be tackling these issues the way you have been. Having been there I know that therapy can be challenging and frightening but also life changing. I don't have any of the things you have talked about but my partner has bipolar so I know a bit about it.
First off is the medication issue. If you have decided to keep the baby or if you haven't made up your mind yet it is vital that you see your psychiatrist ASAP to sort out your medication, Don't jut go off it by yourself but do see a doctor as soon as you can. If you can't see the psychiatrist straight away see your regular doctor.
Are you still seeing your psychologist? She is probably the best person to discuss your feelings about parenthood with and help you cope, no mater what decision you make. And you will need all of the support you can muster from your partner, family and friends. It is an incredibly trying time right now and you need all the love and support you can get.
As the partner of someone with bipolar I can say that though I try to understand it and have experienced deep depression I can't really understand what goes on in his head, what it is like to have the mood swings and what hypomania is like. That doesn't mean I can't be supportive. I just don't know what it is like to be him because I don't live in his head. And your partner probably struggles to know how you're are feeling but hopefully he can be supportive anyway. It will help if he can read everything he can about bipolar and body dysmorphia and discuss it with you so that he understands that these are very real conditions and so that he knows how they affect you and how he can support you.
I'm sorry I can't offer much more than that and my best wishes for you all. I hope you find the support you need. All the best