Then the next day, he broke up with me. I was like "What?" I was so confused and in shock, i really didn't know what to think about it. I kindof didn't believe him again. Though he didn't say it when i did, i knew he loved me, cause he treated me like he did. I was like... what is he afraid of?? I was definitely the cool gf who respected, and loved him well, as well as was independent and strong. I always think of his needs, and seek to be understanding. Anyways. So i left him that day for a little while, and went to talk to his mom there about what happened. I told her how i didn't really understand what he was doing or why. When he broke up he said that he didn't really know why he was breaking up, but that he just felt there was something missing in him that he wanted to feel. When i was gone, he texted me and asked me where i went. I told him i was with a friend, and would be home soon. He then called his mom, and was crying to her... not knowing i was there listening. He cried more than i cried. I didn't cry, cause i didn't really believe it. I was still in shock. I cried a little, just not as much... until i got back later. I went back to him, and the first thing he said to me was "i don't want to break up, i just feel like i have to." I was like "who told you that? why do you feel that?" He said that he didn't know why he felt that, but that he felt he needed to break up. I accepted it, and told him that i would try to respect him in that, and that i felt the right thing for me to do was to wait for him to figure it out. To wait for him. After crying and talking... for an hour, he told me "I DO Love you! I DO. I know i haven't been that great lately, and haven't been fair to you." He also said "i feel like i'm gonna hurt you, and i don't want to." I was confused. He is telling me that he loves me for the first time... while being broken up with??? I mean... that's confusing!! I know him well enough to know he wouldn't say that just to manipulate me, or the situation. He genuinely was in love and loved me. I already knew that though, but hearing him say that then... was very confusing. So i asked him... "what is it that you want?" He then said.. "I don't want to break up! I am sorry! you are soooooo good to me! I don't want to lose you. Please forgive me for having doubts, and etc." I was like... "Man! that's alot of drama... but i love this guy, and want to be with him through this confusion in himself." I knew that it had nothing to do with me, and i think that's why i was so strong in it. I mean... he just would constantly tell me how wonderful i was, and how he couldn't believe we weren't fighting like normal people... and how we were being good to eachother while breaking up. I mean i think it made him love me more, and vice versa. So we were back together, and i had to go home the next day. That day... his mom asked him "do you feel better broken up, or together." he assured her that he knew he just freaked out, and that staying together was definitely the right decision. Two weeks later... he's emailing me (yeah... lame)... saying that breaking up is the right decision. I'm like "What?" again... perplexed. I asked him to have a real convo with me on the phone, and he did the next day. He told me that he loves me, respects me, thinks only good things about me, but he's just not "in love" or "feeling comfortable." I mean... i really don't understand how you're best friends with a guy for 4.5 months sooooooo comfortable, and he's telling his whole world about you... then dating him... and him head over heels in love... then nothing changed... no drama from me... no pressure... just the cool gf. And BAM! he wants to break up? I don't get it. I still don't get it. I really don't get why he told me he loved me for the first time while breaking up the first time, and then practically begging me to take him back. I have heard of guys saying that they love you again... when breaking up to make it easy... but why even bring that factor in at all? I mean i have no doubt he does love me, his actions toward me were nothing but love. I understand he's just not ready for a relationship, cause he's not feeling strong enough emotionally. Or something. But what i don't get... is what am i supposed to do over here? or even think? It's so hard to really know what to do. I mean i'm gonna wait for him, but as far as... should i talk to him, or leave him be? I mean... he's not being honest with himself. He says he doesn't like me, then that he REALLY does. He says he wants to date... then really wants to... then doesn't... then really does want to. (oh i forgot to say that before i went out there again... he made a point to let me know that he wasn't yet in love with me, and felt it was too early to be saying that... which really hurt. I wasn't expecting him to, nor did i say it). So he told me he didn't love me... then he does while breaking up... then he does still while breaking up again?
This is craziness. And sad.
I feel like if he were just a little older, or some time passed a bit more between me and his ex (more than 8 months)... than maybe he would have been a bit more ready for me when i came along.
Now i'm wondering... is he gonna just let me go like that? or come to his senses?
His mom is very confused. She said that he's never been happier than when he's been with me. That she's never seen him so FREE. She said... she didn't even know he wasn't free until she saw him free with me.
It's just strange.
And he wont talk to me right now, and says friends is not possible.
I mean i get it, but i don't believe it.
What is he so afraid of intimacy? of being in a relationship? You gotta take a chance.
I mean he did... then back.
He told me that he thinks he struggles with depression and bipolar behaviors... and i already know he's got an anxiety issue, and fears trusting a girl with his heart.
I just was so trustworthy, and he knew that... so i'm a bit perplexed.
And no, I won't read all that, learn to paraphrase.
Didn't read it all, but the sound of it he is just stringing you along so the best thing to do is to leave him and get a new one :)
Another option would be to also find out what happened with his previous partner that has left him in this state. Maybe he is so afraid of rejection, he is getting in first by rejecting himself.
I met my husband only 2 months after breaking up with another guy. I had been dating anyone who asked me on a casual basis for the previous 6 weeks. Unfortunately my husband was very full on when it came to pursuing me, driving other male friends away, and I was certainly not ready for that. I came very close to dumping him because it was too soon for me to become involved with anyone new.
It took him 3 months to knock out the competition completely, and in that time, I found him to be very kind, caring and helpful, and he was also not pressuring me for sex. He was not like the previous person who had hurt me with his single-minded self-focus and sexual pressure.