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Hello. About one month ago i went though a really bad time in my life. I thought that I had it all under control. I was molested by my father for many years and I never told anyone about it because he said that he would kill me and my whole family. He use to bet my mother up very bad so I knew that he was capable of doing some real harm. Well any way my husband and I thought that it was time for us to try and have kids. We tried for a long time and nothing was happening all the while I was thinking that maybe it was somthing that he did to me that cause me not to be able to have kids. I went to the doctor and found out that have pcos and that it will be hard for me to have kids. Mind you I didn't tell the ob/gyn that i was molested and every time I would go to see her I started to sweat very bad and my body would shake and finally it just got out of control and I was in the hospital because of my nerves. I did before I married my husband tell him that I was molested and by who and he just act like it's something that okay. I mean he won't talk to me about it and we've been married for 10 years. So I pretty much deal with it on my own. So i decided that i needed to get some help and I start therapy on the 21 but I don't know if it's a good ideal to tell my husband about what happens at the meetings because I don't think that he will help
just cause me to be upset and I need help because I'm a cutter and I don't want to feel like that. I love him but I don't think he can help me right now. :'(

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Dear Renetta: No he can't help you right now!!! Just you. You have been through an incredible trauma, and you husband HASN\T a CLUE what to do about it!!! Believe me, he is just not thinking about it, to stop him from taking things into his own hands.

If you are not prepared to file charges against this so called father of yours. Then YOU and You alone have the control to take care of yourself. The counselling you go to is PERSONAAL! If you were in couples then it woulnd't be as much. But this is big, and they want you by yourself. If your husvband asks say - good thankyou. Thats it. You HAVE to tell your GP. Even though you ha ve PCO, it can hinder your chances a ittle. but a woman only needs part of 1 ovary/ you need to come to grips with a LOT of things 1st before your body will allow you to get pregnant.. 1st kicking your father out of your life, 1nd take charge of you life. If your husband is not ready you can''t push him. He is helpluss,, because he would have taken that away in a heartbeat if he could. Probably ignoring you a b it too! Don't worry that will work out. Don't think of yoursel as a victim of this man, think of him has a looser!!! Some women can't get pregnangt due to excessive mental stress!!!! Just relax and be you, WHILE taking that dirty pig down. BEST Of LUCK to you
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thank you for replaying to my post. I just have to let you know this. my father about 3 years ago started talking to this young girl the reason why i know that she is young is because she was my sister best friend. I can't believe him or her but it's nothing that I can do about it. About 3 years ago she had a baby for him and it was a little girl and sometimes i feel so fearful for her. I told her grandmother what my father did to me and to keep a look out for the baby. I really don't get to see her that much because I don't like to be around my father like that. I'm not sure if he change or not but for her sake i hope he did. I'm not sure if her mother told her what I told her but I just hope that they pay attention to the little girl. Because I know that he can be very mean because he use to bet my mother very bad until she just couldn't take it any more but then he left and had visitation with us and that's when he told me that if he couldn't have my mother then he would have me. He hurt me so bad and i was so afraid of him. The first time he did it I was hurt so bad until I had to go to the hospital and he was with me and dared me to say anything. i was so mad at the doctor because he didn't figure it out. I was bleeding very bad and I couldn't pee for a day or so i had a fever and just laid on the floor and cried. And I think about it alll the time I don't really get any good sleep because I always have the dream that something un human is raping me and it makes me not want my husband to touch me I just hope that i can get over this because I just can't take this any more. it's so much more but I will leave that for the therpist thank you again. :'(
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Dearest Renatta: I really want you to discuss - with your therapist - about laying charges of incest against your father. I truly believe this is one of the ways for you to heal! AND to protect this little girl! if you go ahead and he is convicted, the system will then protect your sister!!! I truly believe that if nothing is brought out into the open, this truly evil man will hurt this little girl! AND destroy you - mentally in the process! Talk to your locl rape center! They know everything to do about you being raped!!! You are not only dealing with rape but incest, loss of family, domestic violence, trust a,d intimacy issues etc. You need professional help! By true professionals that know exactly what to do!! This is a HUGE burden for you to take on your own! You need an army behind you, holding you up and holding your hand. Go to the police or the rape center! You are unfortunately not the only one that has ever gone through this! I truly believe charges WILL be laid against him! The truth will come out! You can heal and the little girl both in you and your sister will be safe!!! This is going to be hard sweetheart! But you are already proven you are a fighter and a SURVIVOR! I wish you NOTHING but strength, hope, healing and love! Get your army Renetta! There are many out there for you!!!!
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bambi27 I went to the therapist today. i thought I wasn't going to make it. I was so scared but I did a whole lot of crying and I told my whole story and I was dx with p.t.s.d. He said he can help me with that and I'm so happy to know what it is because before I didn't know I really thought that I was going crazy but now I know hwat it is. I told him that I didn't want anything to happen to my father because I'm not ready to see him yet. I just thank God for you because you really made it a little easy to go today because I was going to cancel but I thought about you and it just seem that you was there telling me to keep going. i have another meeting next tuesday and a appointment to see the doctor in his office because he said he don't think that I'm on the right meds to calm my nerves and be able to function so I'm looking up and I will keep you posted. Thank You. :-)
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Yes I knew you had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! Most people associate it with after a war, but if you think about it Renetta, you have been through a war, there's the enemy and casualties! I don't know if your therapist mentioned this to you, but you NEVER have to see your father! Laws were brought in a LONG time ago to protect victims of rape and incest. You would have to give videotaped evidence. I am very proud of you Renetta! I just really want you to talk to a rape center. They can help you further, I don't want to push you into something you are not ready for. But if you go to them, they can document it and when you are ready can make this go ahead. I am not only worried about you, but VERY worries about your little sister. When pedophiles get away with one assault they attack younger and younger victims. And THAT is what your "father" is Renetta! He is a PEDOPHILE, a RAPIST, A MOLESTOR, An ABUSER he is the empitomy of filth. And what you have to start thinking of is him as an adjective! As FAR away from a human as possible. If you keep thinking of him as your "father" it is deep inside of us to protect our family! And just like when a dog/pet is abused they still run up to their abuser and give them love time after time. He will NOT stop until the Justice System stops him, don't think of it as you stopping him. Think of it as Society stopping him! Let them STOP him, and while that is happening, you can take care of YOU! I am so proud of you for taking this 1st HUGE step! We are always afraid of the unknown right? The only thing I AM worried about is for you taking medication. In your case you have a LOT to work through, and now you know you are not CRAZY!!! You can now work through everything your soul needs too to heal. Sometimes with medication, it doesn't allow us to go through the steps we need to heal. It is a SCARY time to face your deepest fears. And our brains are programmed to protect us at all costs! Thus why people have panic attacks, or some people have split personalities. So as long as you don\t become NUMB with the medication! I KNOW 1st hand about stopping your feelings and pain from coming out. It WILL eventually work it's way out, as you already know! If the medication will help you just be calm while you are dealing with everything then OK! If you are STONED! Then NO WAY! Renetta OK? You are stronger than you know and I think you are starting to realize this. So get some more advice ESPECIALLY from a Rape counselling center OK? One day at a time sweetheart, One step at a time! You ARE doing it and you WILL continue too as well. Please keep me informed and if you ever need to talk I'm always on this darn site XD God Bless you! You are going to be just fine!!!
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bambi27. I feel so bad right now my heart is racing and my ears are ringing. I was just browsing the site and I ran across this post labled I'm afraid. I can't believe that someone would put this on the web but he said he needed help. His daughter is in danger and I hope that I didn't say anything to make things worst but I just can't keep going. Please read this post and add something else because I got scared and I'm not sure if what I said will do any good. o.O :'( >:(
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Dear Renetta: I just looked for the post, and can't find it. Did someone say they are going to hurt their daughter? I will search again, you can't be involved in this Renetta, if it is about that you have to contact the moderators - who should have seen it already. I will check again.
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I guess the moderators caught it because he said he did already. i was just worried about the daughter. he said could she be pregnant because he had forced incest with her. I'm going to leave that alone I was just shocked that they would let somebody write that and not try to help the person. I feel much better now but still think about what shes going though. I'll talk to you later. Good Night! :-)
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One of the moderators told me - after I made a complaint about some of the people saying disturbing things - that they do it to shock. For this so called "father" to put that out there on the internet, where it easy to find someone, he was obviously a sicko! You will find that on any site. Just take care of yourself! You have your own battles to fight, and YOU will succeed. Then you can give advice to REAL people that need help, not some sick SOB trying to upset people.
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Hi Renetta: I was just wondering how you are? Hope you are well! Sincerely Dawn
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iam doing okay. I've been going to therapy and taking meds. I believe that they are helping me in alot of ways. i just still wish that my husband and had a better communication policy. my threrapist say that we have and arrangement not a marriage givin what I've told him. i started talking to a guy friend that i've know since elementary and i love him to dealth he's nothing like my husband we listens to me and help me through some of my bad days. I'm finding it harder everyday to distinguish between the 2 i love my husband but this person he loves me. endlessly and i know this because he tell me that all the time. yes we do have a realationship that allow us to talk to each other everyday and I find myself not being able to wait until I can talk with him. my husband is so caught up in his life until he can't even tell that iam doing this. I dont even know if he cares. If he knew a guest he would have a problem with it but right now I guess i and he is the only ones that know. I can go on forever about him because he is the best always have been he told me in 2nd grade that he will wait for me forever we both are 34 now and he's still waiting. :-( %-) o.O
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Hi Renetta: I understand you - more than most - I understand that need for human attention, and to be cherished and valued. I am not saying your husband doesn't. Like I told you a long time ago, your husband doesn't know how to handle all of this, he knows what your father did and he can't do a thing about it. Men in that situation usually feel weak and like they can't protect you and should have been there - which of course they couldn't be!

The dangerous thing about talking to this friend Renetta, IS that you ARE vulnerable and see things right now with rose colored glasses. You have been overwhelmed a lot in your life and I'm sure that it feels really good just talking about anything and everything! In fact I KNOW that this is a good feeling! I am just worried that if this goes further, and you cross that line, then you could loose your marriage and even this guy! Because of the turmoil that cheating creates, there are SO many people that can be involved. And due to the fact that you are already suffering from past abuses and betrayls, I don't think you could handle being the one doing the damage!

I don't really agree with your therapist about your husband, from what you told me before, you're husband sounds like a good man, who just doesn't know what to say or do to help you. The only people that can, are the ones that have been trhough it or had someone close to them that went through it. How can he make you - the woman he loves - recover from horrific things in her past? Remember when we talked before and you and he were talking and he just didn't know what to say to you? It is like how some people deal with a death, they don't know what to do or say, so they say nothing and avoid the people left behind. This is the same for your husband.

Just be careful when this guy tell you that he loves you! I am not saying he doesn't, but also its not too cool for someone to come in like that when they know you are vunerable and also MARRIED!! So just be careful that's all OK? I don't want you to hurt anymore. There's talking then there's TALKING!!! What I tell myself, my friends and my husband is this "When you are talking to someone else, especially of the opposite sex, if you can't repeat it to your loved one, then there IS a problem" I have a very dear guy friend and we talk cheekily to each other on facebook. I show my husband, because it is just innocent fun! And my husband doesn't feel threatened. BUT If I was talking to my friend and everytime my husband was asking who I was talking to and what about, and I closed the computer and didn't tell him, then there would be questions!

I just want you to be happy and healthy! That's all OK? I am glad that you are feeling better!
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Do you understand when I tell you that i know he loves me and I know I love him. We are friends that is not easily understood. I thought that I wasn't good enough for him but he put everything on hold waiting for me. He's still waiting. It's almost spiritual. and it's not lust I've been knowing him too long for that I know that I trying to justify what i'am doing but I don't know if you understand what I'm saying about my marriage and this other relationship. I've already had sex with him plenty of times that's nothing new. We know each other inside and out. That's not the point of this relationship. He has a girlfriend and a child by her and I don't interfer with that. It's just something about him always putting me first. I wrote down that I did feel bad about it but I'm only lieing because i don't I love him. I never did really love my husband I married him to prove a point to his kids mother and I did. I know that I maybe sound nasty but I'm always honest about what I feel and what i do. I even tell him this. My husband loves his life and I'm just a part of it. I wish things were different but it's not. I'm just smooth sailing now I'm not trying to make anything better or worst. I'm just living. My husband knows exactly how I feel about him and I know how he feels about me. We have fun together but it is a sepration that has always been there. We just look the other way and he do his thing and I do mine. We sometime meet back in the center but it's times that we don't and I can't honestly say that it makes a diffrents to me I wouldn't know what to do if my husband and I really loved one another. I can go on for ever but I will stop her. Oh yeah I'm on facebook Sonya Swanson.
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Hi Sonya!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY understand ! So please know that! It sounds like that everybody knows where they stand! I just didn't want you to be hurt anymore than you have been! I am glad that you have love in your life! And you sound so much more settled and happier! So please don't feel I was coming down on you OK? Sincerely Dawn
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