I fell in love with a younger man who lives several states away. He is 15 years younger than I, but tells me over and over that he doesnt care about that. We see each other very little, but when we do, its so very hard to leave and return to my life. I am married, and for several years became so lonely I considered divorce. This is probably why I opened myself up to this other man. Recenty, my husband has started paying more attention to my life and has mentioned he has wondered if i found someone else. ( I didnt tell him I had) Now, he suddenly wants to be a model husband. Its hard for me, because I have a long history of saddness with my husband, but he is the one I first fell in love with and obviously married. But part of me wants to start over and have a life where the hurt isnt something I am reminded of, and where I am not always waiting for "the other shoe to drop" with my husband. We have tried counselling, but honestly, the counselor is really not helping at all.
And then, I realize that my younger guy may eventually want a life I will never be able to provide. For example, I already have grown children, and really dont want more. He enjoys working at a restaurant/ bar and makes good money, but also enjoys the party life.
Since we rarely see each other, I dont bring up (even though I should) sincere discussions of our future, and neither does he. Although he thinks I should leave my marriage and if I wanted, could live with him.
Seems a little like a fairy tale. Am I being blinded? or should I take the plunge?
Either way, I hurt... and I hurt someone else.
Please give me your honest advice
Lost and Confused
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Dear Petra
You are being blinded. More of a fairy story than a fairy tale.
Of course he wants you to leave and live with him. He gets the excitement of an experienced woman with no commitment. As you say "my younger guy may eventually want a life I will never be able to provide". That is the reality.
"I fell in love with a younger man who lives several states away" and "we rarely see each other" shows an immediate conflict. How can you really love this guy you hardly ever see. "I dont bring up (even though I should) sincere discussions of our future, and neither does he" means you are not even communicating on a realistic level.
You don't say what caused problems in your marriage, but as he is making the effort, the answer should be obvious. Don't give up the potential for stability for the certainty of instability. It is now in your hands to make the marriage work. You have the ability (and the responsibility) to reclaim what you have let slip. It will take an effort, but you have the opportunity for a wonderful time ahead if you handle it well.
Stay faithful to your husband and finish with your 'lover-boy'. Don't wait for "the other shoe to drop". You must make sure it doesn't have the chance to drop.
Hope this helps
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Honesty? Ok. My husband was 17 younger than me. We were always together. He told me the same thing your guy told you. I married him and changed my life radically. After 16 years together and 12 married, he left me for a younger woman. He left me devastated, heart broken. He turned my whole life upside down. Don't do it!!! Is you haven't already. It's too risky. life will never be the same after an experience like this.
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