homosexual but want to become straight,get married and have

I understand what you're going through because I'm gay and I also want to marry and have children with a woman. I recommend you just marry a woman. Don't hold it back anymore, you just marry that special woman. For more details, ask a straight man how they find women attractive, how they "pick up chicks", etc. Basically, research.

Guestcy,

I have similar feelings as yours. I want to have a family and raise kids, but I fear meeting a woman and marrying because of my past. Unlike you, I've had sex with men before, but have never found my gay 'relationships' to be fulfilling. Every once and a while, I do meet a girl who I would like to get into a relationship with, but the fear of telling her my past makes me freeze up. It seems like a vicious cycle, and I'm afraid to ask for help. I pray about it sometimes, and God is always a great comfort for me, but I know that I need help from friends if I'm ever to break the cycle of sinning, tormenting myself, and then begging God's forgiveness. I would love to ask my Christian friends to pray for me, and I would hope that they could help me get into a relationship with a woman, but I'm afraid that If I told them they would abandon me for my sins. I pray to God to soften their hearts for a friend in need. I don't ask God for much, but this is something I know I can not do alone. I need friends to help me through this, and pray that God may lead them to do so. I will pray on your behalf too, knowing all too well how painful it can be dealing with these issues.

The best thing to do is be yourself, i understand you feel different, but, you never know your feelings for women can change.

lesbians r yucky...

I've had feelings for men ever since I hit puberty. I'm 22 now, and I am a Christian. I've always hated my homosexual desires. They stole my life from me. I'll repeat what almost every other guy on here has said:

I want to get married. I want to be a father. I want a normal Christian life. However, whenever I think about my future I become extremely depressed because my homosexual desires are preventing me from having the life that I want.

I've been in a vicious cycle for a long time now. 1) Masturbate to homosexual fantasies/porn 2) Pray to God for forgiveness 3) Try to force myself to be attracted to women 4) Fail to force myself 5) Masturbate to homosexual fantasies/porn and the cycle repeats.

The guilt and shame I've felt has been incredible. My heart sinks whenever I turn my head to look at an attractive guy in public. I always think to myself, "I'm completely hopeless." I feel like God created me broken. I can't experience any joy in life because of my gay desires. I feel like I am watching life through a window- I have to watch everyone else be happy (because I am unable to participate). I don't really have close friends because I push everyone away. I don't want to have friendships with guys because I'm sexually attracted to them, and it bothers me. Also, I don't want to have friendships with girls because I am not attracted to them, and THAT bothers me. People call me "antisocial" but they don't understand why I'm like this.

With all of that said, it makes me feel so good to read this thread and see that there are so many men struggling in the same way. I'm not happy that we all have this problem, but it's comforting to know that I am not alone. I really felt like I was the only guy in the world dealing with this kind of pain. After reading this board, I am convinced that we can change if we have two things. 1) Faith in Jesus Christ (read Martin's post about lies) and 2) Friendship with each other. I've failed to overcome my homosexual lust all these years because I have been trying to do it on my own. I can't imagine how strong the friendship will be between Christians who tackle this together.

It's obvious to me now that there are a lot of guys dealing with this problem. I probably know some personally, but none of us realize it because we're all ashamed and trying to be secretive. That's sad because we need to help each other. Reply on here if you want to talk about this.

Hi Guys

jc90,

I'm 19, and I'm in the EXACT situation as you. I live in a Christian family, and I myself am trying to live a Christian life. I've always gone to church. I have been depressed and fearful since I was in grade 11. I also have OCD and bipolar, which makes it EXTREMELY difficult to deal with. Most of my friends are girls, but I do talk to some guys. I really want to be attracted to girls, but I'm always having thoughts about guys. I too frequently masturbate to homosexual porn, pray for forgiveness, and then look at it again. Same pattern over, and over, and over. I just can't stop. My desires are too strong.

I've never had sex. I try to avoid guys (not look, talk to, etc.) that I find "attractive" in stores and different places. I have a real eye for who I find attractive.

I feel sometimes that I want to "wipe my brain" and start my life over again.

I'm praying for a miracle here, and need some healing. I find this very difficult to talk about with anyone face to face.

I'm so glad I've come across your post, because we are in the exact same boat.

Martin thanks for the advice. I would have a hard time trying to express how grateful I am that you're praying for me.


ts101, we're definitely struggling with the same thing. I believe there's a huge number of Christian guys dealing with this- more than we know. Like we've both said, it's not something you go around confessing to people. I've also wanted to trade my life for a new one that isn't messed up with homosexual lust. I get it. I think the best word to describe how we feel is "tormented."

I still struggle with gay desires, but I can honestly say they don't depress me like they used to. When I read this thread a few days ago, for some reason, my faith increased. Reading that so many other guys were dealing with the same thing was a relief. I then became convinced that God has not forgotten me, and He will change me. I can't really explain it. Hearing that I'm not alone just increased my faith. I'm optimistic about my future (for the first time in a very long time). I still have a long way to go though.

Reading the Bible every day and praying every day has helped me. I think it would help you, too. Even if you don't feel like it, do it. Remember that Jesus said, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

I've always complained that I've been asking to be healed from homosexuality my whole life, but I gotta admit my prayers have been insincere. I would pray to be changed, then immediately get on the internet and masturbate. I wouldn't even try to resist it because deep down I didn't believe God was capable/willing to change me.

I've never had sex either. One time I went on a gay dating website to hook up with a guy for a one night stand. I found a guy in my area, and I almost drove over to his house to have sex. I bailed out at the last second. I thank God I did. I hope you never come this close to doing something so dangerous.

I'll be praying for you. I mean that. And don't think my prayers for you can't do any good because I don't know you personally. When I say ts101, God knows exactly who you are. He is smart like that. If you haven't already heard it, go on youtube and listen to "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe. The lyrics remind us that God really is for us. He is not just sitting on the sidelines.

 

  

Hi Jc90

Wow it is great to hear about your growth. If you are not getting depressed about your desires anymore it means you are very well on the way to believe more of the truth. This is exactly what happened to me.

Ts101 - Put your trust in God - don't loose heart. It is easy to look at life and see only struggle. Remember that Jesus's most positive response to a very negative death cross was that he defeated death by standing up on the third day after he died. Take the cross as an example and remember that there is a time when you will rise with Christ. That is if you are willing to die with him.
To die with Christ means you put away your own desires behind you and look to Jesus. This is why study of the bible is important and why prayer to help you focus is good. It helps you keep your eyes on Jesus and to get to know his will better.
The key is you need to put Him as Lord of your life. Not your ways, but His ways. And when you want to run on your own way again all you do is look to Jesus and think about the cross. Remember that in that moment he didn't turn away from what He was about to go through. Instead He was persistent to complete His work - and that persistence is in you too.

If you look to Jesus He will guide you through a road that if you persist He will also deliver you from your own feelings, and more - He promise us life and life in FULL.

Don't despair, but look to Jesus - going to church and acting religious is not helping, but staying in Jesus and knowing Him, like He is your friend, or like He could be close - that is much more real than trying in yourself to fix problems. Jesus know how. He did it for me, you can trust Him for the same.

You guys are close on my heart - I'm praying for you all. God Bless

Martin

Hey bro! same problem as yours... how are things going? I have a big desire to talk about it to someone who could understand me! what about exchanging our mails?

 You were not born homosexual, despite what you've heard.  Change is possible.    for homosexuals who became straight.   discuss LeVay or Bailey and Pillard.  But only if you would like all of the view points.  I don't want anybody who is only willing to look at one side, lest I get accused of bullying.  Let's look at the studies that supposidly "prove" homosexuality is genetic.    Even the progay studies suggest learned behavior, if you look closely at the data.  (Learned behavior has nothing to do with school but is here used as a technical term of behaviorism which I studied as an undergrad at U of I.)   Several years ago Time Magazine, published an artical that supposedly proved homosexuality was genetic.  It was a study of twins by Bailey and Pillard.  Here it is. 52% of identical (monozygotic same dna) twins of homosexual men were homosexual22% of fraternal (dizygotic not the same DNA) twins were likewise homosexual11% of adoptive brothers of homosexual men were homosexual9.2% of non-twin biological siblings reported homosexual orientations (Bailey and Pillard, 1991, A Genetic Study of Male Sexual Orientation) 48% of identical twins of homosexual women were likewise homosexual16% of fraternal (dizygotic not the same DNA) twins were likewise homosexual6% of adoptive sisters of homosexual women were likewise homosexual (Bailey and Benishay, 1993, Familial Aggregation of Female Sexual Orientation) It was obviously a gay friendly family, not only because of the extraordinary number of homosexuals (2% is avorage) but because they recuted in gay magazines.  So why were not all of the monozygotic gay?  Why were 11% of adoptive brothers gay?  They did not share any of the genetics.   There must be some learned behavior going on.  They shared the same social envirement.     Simon LeVay's study of hypothalamas has many problems.  First all of gay subjects died of AIDS, so you don't know if the reduced quadrant of hypothalamas was do to biology or AIDS.  And for a study to be valid it must be repeated with similar results, which has never been done for LeVay, and with LeVay's being gay himself he would want to prove homosexuality is biological rather than learned behavior.  Why is it that all of the homosexuals I've heard of were molested as a child?  I'm not saying all were molested, but many were.  Probably a majority of them were.  Don't you think it strange that children who don't get molested turn out heterosexual and nearly all the homosexuals have been molested?  I'm not saying all who get molested turned gay because the majority of them don't, or that all homosexuals were molested, because if you ask enough of them I'm sure you will find some who were not molested.  

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Anomalies in Sexual Orientation

Homosexuality, bisexuality, fetishes of all types, and yes, even heterosexual attraction to a specific type of person, have certain components in common that can be attributed to "learned behavior."  "Learned behavior," is here used as a technical term of behaviorism.  It has nothing to do with studying or teaching, but rather dog drool, bells, and a Russian named Pavlov.Pavlov was studying the digestive system in dogs.  He would ring a bell to announce time to feed the dogs and then present food so he could study the digestive fluids that the dogs produced.  He was surprised to find that after a while his dogs would drool at the sound of the bell, even if there was no food present.Just as Pavlov accidentally "taught" his dogs to drool at the sound of a bell, we learn new behaviors every day in ways so subtle that we seldom realize it.  A child who's parent gives in when he whines will learn to whine when he wants something.  If you say "Don't do that," but snicker while saying it when your child says a bad word, he will   "learn" to swear more often.It can even work without there being someone else to "reinforce" the behavior.  If a child becomes frustrated, and his frustration leads to anger so that he hits a pillow and then feels some relief from his frustration, that relief becomes positive reinforcement of the hitting behavior.  The next time he is angry, he will be more likely to hit something.  If hitting a pillow loses its effect, and he escalates to kicking his dog, and if that provides relief from his frustration, he has learned to escalate to feel good.  In this way, if other factors do not intervene, he could become, by thousands of minute steps over years of time, a violent person.Of course, it is rarely this simple. Other factors must be entered into the equation.  Is he being taught a moral code that might cause guilt (a negative stimuli which reduces the likelihood of the behavior reoccurring?)  Does he find that he gets his way when he expresses anger or is it counterproductive?  Is he exposed to similar behavior in others, and therefore either models it or loathes to see it in himself?When it comes to maters of sexual behavior things are further complicated by the very nature of sexual urges.  Sexual feelings are one of the most powerful reinforcing agents.  They can also be a bit autonomous.  Males can wake up in the morning sexually aroused without even knowing why.  If one happened to become aroused, by pure chance, in a certain situation, or when thinking about a certain person or object, the arousal could be associated with that situation or object and then act as a reinforcement.  If it happens often enough, and other variables that might counter the effect are not present, sexual arousal may be linked to that object, or type of person.An adolescent male may find himself aroused when he glances at an advertisement for women's under garments.  This arousal may be a natural result of seeing a woman's body, but the pleasure that such arousal brings, is it's own reinforcement for looking the next time for the same type of stimuli..  If the boy seeks out such ads in the future, he is further reinforced, and may even "pair" the arousal with the actual garments being advertised.  If this occurs, and he has access to such garments, he could find himself being aroused by the garment more than the original positive stimuli of what was in it.  If he repeats this activity enough, he could "habituate" and thus find it his main turn on.  Far down the road may come cross dressing or transgenderism.  Or it may be side tracked into another area, including of course, normal heterosexuality.A more mainstream look at the mechanism may be had by taking a look at pornography, (as a social phenomenon, not a practicum.)  An alien from another planet might find it strange indeed that many of the human species find gazing at certain bits of paper highly sexually stimulating.  What does paper have to do with the urge to procreate?  C. S. Lewis put it this way,"You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act.  Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see that it contained a pork chop or a bit of bacon, wouldn't you think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food?"Popularity of cooking programs not withstanding, there is nothing about a piece of paper with a staple in the center, that should arouse such a hormonal frenzy.  Yet for many males at least, such paper products become their main sexual interest and outlet. Of course, it is easy to understand, either in terms of natural selection or the design of a Creator, why a man might find it pleasurable to gaze at a woman or a woman at a man.  Such natural desires favor procreation and survival of the species.  A lesser, but perhaps more accessible, gratification can be found in looking at a picture of a woman.  The picture doesn't give you a dirty look back, which would be a negative stimuli, so though the pleasure may be less than looking at someone real, the negatives are less as well, and the accessibility is greater.  This leads to greater frequency of reinforcement.  If fantasies that involve masturbation are added to the mix, the reinforcement becomes greater still.  Soon a piece of paper becomes the prominent sexual stimuli in someone’s life rather than the real thing.  Take it a few steps further and the whole woman which is a natural positive stimuli can be replaced by pictures of breasts, posteriors, and genitalia.Anatomy favors heterosexual attraction.  The plumbing just works better.  But this is far from absolute.  And there can be much variation in what people find attractive.  Thin may be in now, but during many periods of history, it was thought that plump was more comely.  Obviously, what people find attractive can be greatly influenced by popular opinion and culture.  Other factors such as early sexual experience or even sexual trauma, can have a powerful influence as well.  A quick look at the internet will reveal a plethora of sexual fetishes including everything one could possibly imagine, and many things few would ever want to imagine.  It is highly unlikely that someone could be born with a genetic propensity towards blondes, or finding high heels stimulating, or desiring to be treated like an infant, diapers and all.  Yet such sexual preferences do exist, and once they become habituated, they can be amazingly persistent.A further example of conditioning for an anomaly in sexual orientation can be seen in how a child is "groomed" by a pedophile. One case that was related to me started with the pedophile attempting to arouse an adolescent male with pornographic pictures of women.  Once aroused he began pairing that arousal with talk of masturbation.  At this point the adolescent involved broke off contact.  Had he not, the following steps may have been used by the pedophile to produce a suitable victim.  Once arousal had been paired with masturbation he would have two very powerful reinforcers at his disposal.  If he can control access to pornography well enough, so that he is the primary or preferred source, the child may start to associate arousal that has been previously paired with pornography with the older pedophile.  Masturbation can further reinforce the behavior, and if it is done in the presence of the pedophile, that too may be "paired" with the pedophile himself.  Once they had become associated in the victim's mind, the pedophile would move on to touching.  If the association had become strong enough, the pornography might even be phased out.  Then the touching becomes more than touching and the boy's natural curiosity and attraction to the female form has been replaced with a desire to have sexual contact with an older man.These are all "learned behaviors" in the sense that we acquire our tastes in a myriad of ways, most of which we are never cognizant of.  Of course, if they can be "learned", they can also be "unlearned" or redirected.  It should not be surprising to find that a sexual preference that has taken perhaps decades to acquire, and that has become thoroughly habituated, and is self reinforcing, will be difficult to redirect or change.  It would also be expected, that some, having expressed desire to change, will not, while others struggle with varying degrees of success for years.Change is possible.  And it can occur in much the same way as the original sexual preference was acquired.  In small bits and pieces, over an extended period of time.A subject wanting to consciously change or modify their sexual preference would have to be very committed to doing so.  One of the first things to do is eliminate areas in your life style that reinforce the behavior that you wish to extinguish.  Just as a person who is trying to lose weight should avoid "all you can eat" smorgasbords, a person who wished to extinguish his desire for pornography, should avoid places where he is likely to encounter it.  A homosexual, if he wishes to change, should avoid gay bars.  Many programs that attempt to help gay men change to heterosexual, hobble themselves by trying to treat gay men in groups.  Clients of such programs may find it more "treat" than treatment.  The setting can create a self reinforcing gay subculture within the therapeutic milieu.Other trappings associated with the undesirable behavior should also be avoided.  Music, clothing styles, recreational activities, slang, and even mannerisms that are paired with the behavior that one wishes to extinguish, may have to be changed.  A drug addict that I once worked with was unable to quit using drugs as long as he continued listening to the "Grateful Dead."  His appreciation for what was harmless, (and good) music to others, had become too strongly associated with drugs in his past.  Listening to certain songs caused him to think of drugs.  Thinking led to wanting.  Wanting led to using.For the homosexual desiring change, all gay contact must be broken off.  In fact, any thing that is even remotely associated with the behavior targeted for extinction, should be avoided as much as possible.  A friend of mine worked with male homosexuals who wanted to change their orientation to heterosexual.  One of the drawbacks that he had to work with was his own body, which was exceptionally buff.  His clients may have found it difficult to avoid fanaticizing while talking to him.  The person wishing to modify his sexual tastes should avoid anything that, in his mind, was associated with the behavior targeted for extinction.  Masturbation must be avoided because it is usually accompanied by fantasizing about the behavior you are trying to eliminate.  And in light of the powerful self reinforcing nature of masturbation, one might end up habituating to the point that their main romantic relationship is with their own hand.Thinking about it must be avoided.  To do this, one must carefully and truthfully examine himself to see what triggers such thoughts.  Another friend of mine (I’m old, so I’ve had lots of friends over the past half century to draw on for examples) had a problem with pornography.  He liked it, but didn’t like liking it.  One day, while watching television, a program came on that while not pornographic, was gratuitous in its use of young female skin.  He exclaimed,  “That’s enough of that.” and immediately changed channels.  Such behavior is necessary if one expects to change.As much as possible then, temptation must be avoided.  And as long as I’m using theologically loaded terms I might as well betray my bias by revealing some of the things in the Bible that are pertinent.James 1 says,” Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God….  But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.”It is in the mind that thoughts begin, and in the mind where they must be brought under control if one is ever to change behavior.  This is not easy.  Even a benign thing, such as “silly monkeys” is difficult not to think of once it is introduced as a subject not to think about.  In fact, the phrase “silly monkeys” is more likely to persist in your memory than the main point of the preceding paragraph.  And the more you try to not think about it, the more you will.  This problem is only compounded (many many times) if you try not to think about something that not only have you  been conditioned to find sexually stimulating, but to which you have become thoroughly habituated to thinking about.  Just ask anyone who is struggling with trying to quit a pornography habit.To quote Paul, “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?”  But there is hope, even as Paul infers in the very next verse, “I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”But  how to accomplish this difficult task?  Paul gives us a hint when he says “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  This is where it starts, and James tells us where it ends up.  “Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full-grown brings forth death.”It is in the minutia of our cognitions, the smallest fragments of our thoughts, that temptation begins.  And it is here also that much of the battle must be fought if we are to extinguish a habituated undesirable behavior.  I have found in my own struggle with pornography that once I allow my mind to think about it, to dwell on it for even for a moment, to entertain a fantasy; then the battle is lost and I will likely do the very thing that I have decided that I don’t want to do. Here the Christian has a sizable advantage over the secularist.  The non-Christian has only his own determination and whatever applied behaviorism he can bring to bear.  The Christian has all of that, plus the indwelling Holy Spirit to convict him of sin, (yes, guilt can be good despite what you heard on “Rosie O’Donnell”), encourage, empower and even to supernaturally intervene with a miracle or two.Prayer is very important.  The instant you find your mind straying that direction start praying.  First of all pray for forgiveness for thinking that thought.  Pray for forgiveness for the thoughts and behaviors that got you into the mess in the first place.  Pray for healing of your mind and spirit.  Pray for miraculous intervention in your life.  Thank God for being there and hearing your prayer. Distraction is another tool you can use.  Try to think of something else. Read the Bible.  Go for a run. Do math problems in your head. A friend of mine once said that God gave us His word in Hebrew and Greek so that if we were ever tempted to sin we could conjugate verbs. Anything to get your mind off the thing you don’t want to think about.Surround your self with good Christian people.  Go to church.  Get involved with a youth group if you can find a good one.  Find someone that you are not sexually attracted to that you can be responsible to.  Talk to them truthfully about your thoughts and failings.  Pray with them about it..  Hang out with people that are good for you and don’t reinforce the behavior you wish to extinguish. Cultivate your spiritual life by reading the bible and praying.  A good place to start is Romans chapter 6 through 8.In it Paul describes his own struggle with sin.  “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”  He goes on to state,  “for if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live.”  And ends with the verse that has often pulled me out of the pits of depression,  “For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, (insert your personal vice here) nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”It will be difficult.  That’s the nature of sin.  But with God on our side how can we not eventually overcome?

I hope that people reading these posts realize how much the power of lies are. They enter our minds and pollute out habits and thoughts with dirt. I hope that people realize that there is only one way to become clean again, being washed in the worlds of truth. Being made clean by the Jesus himself.

This is way you should become a Christian and why it stands for 2000 years. Because it is based on truth and our thoughts and ideas are only opinions which once tested will melt away under the pressure of the truth. The truth is our burning light in darkness, without it there is no hope. If you feel hopeless... probably because you have been looking at darkness as a way of life and not hope in truth.

Same with any relational issues in life. There are hard times. These are normally due to our own flaws, bad thinking but if we acknowledge it and face it fearlessly with God's grace and power then it will be able to change. Then I will be free to be what God intended me to be.

The question is then no longer what I think I am, but rather it is: "what did God made me to be". Can one then be "homosexual"... the answer in light of the truth is an overwhelming, NO.

beanfarmer6, thanks for your thoughts very encouraging and I align with them.

it's good to know that your not alone, i am a muslim arabic boy which makes it even harder for me and since i was a child i acted a little bit feminine maybe too feminine and the more i grow old the more i get teased for being feminine but i never thought of my self that i am gay at the age of puberty i started noticing that i don't have boners towards girls at the age 15 i started getting boners when i see naked mens at 16 17 i started watching gay porn guess i was looking for answers and each time i sear to myself that i wont watch it again i stop a bit a then i go back since i was a kid people call me girly boy .. and in high school some asks me if i was gay and with my friends i say i'm gay in a funny way so they don't have a hold on me but still i feel like a battle inside me is about to set me on fire sometimes i think about coming out but then i think that my parents will never embrace the who i am neither will my friends maybe some of them neither society especially where i live i don't want to have sex with males but its  a thought i can't control and as i grow older i feel that i can't control it any more and it gets even harder for me i want to live a normal life with a good wife and children but i think how am i going to have kids or sex with her if i don't even get boners when i see a naked a girl now i'm 19 years and never in relation ship and i really want to talk to people who feels the same way who shares with em the same situation that i do i like the who i am but i just don't like the part of me looking at males in a different way and girls as just friends nothing else ....................i need help 

Hi Lostboy

Thanks for sharing your situation. I have also been through a similar teenage as yours. At the ages 19 to about 22 I also found the feelings so intense that I felt powerless.

I have shared a lot about this in previous post. The bottom line is that today I very happily married. I have a very healthy sex life with my wife and we are planning to have children