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Iam 25

I have inner homosexual feelings from childhood but have not had any intercourse.
I also do admire girls and their beauty.

Now i need need offsprings.
I would like to marry and I wish to be staight from now on.

Need advice.



i dont know if this will work for you because you have already recognised yourself as gay, but you could give it a try..

and make sure to write a reply to it.. im very interested of peoples thoughts on it..


You cannot just STOP being homosexual or having these thoughts. You may suppress your true self, but it will never go away.

I don't see why you couldn't get married. If you like women more, then marry a woman--it is legal in some places. If you like men more, then marry a man. Don't marry though until you are sure of what you want. Have some fun...experiment...find out what you like.

As far as kids go, you can still have just have to find another way of doing it. I plan to have one of my close male friends father a child for me--I'm a lesbian by the way. My girlfriend plans to adopt.

I hope I have helped and if you have anymore questions, please feel free to ask me.


P.S.--Vijayfsfs, if the questions/comment you have are directly to me, just say, "Dear healthfreak88," or something like that.


I have far differing beliefs to many peoples OPINION with support of many of my colloeagues, in fact they are experiences from years of personal phsycological training, a lot of my own personal experience of gay and straight sex and relationships from which most are not what they are cracked up to be... but cynicism aside, at 37 I have a strong disposition to modern pop phsycology and other people making bold sweeping statements such as " If you have gay attraction to the same sex and experience gay thoughts you must be gay". Science has very LITTLE information, understanding, or proven theoretical evidence to explain homosexuality, yet many people in science, media and phsycology make personal pop culture theories and judgements on this subject. They judge, debate even mock our understanding of sexuality and absolutely NO scientific or in fact ANY backing for these statements exists.

We simply here in the millenia year of 2008 have no idea or at least only some small evidence pointing to the reason we have same sex attraction is available and we CANNOT limit it to the over inflated red flag term GAY. some people have mainly no attraction to same sex, some people have mostly and some fall somewhere in between... that's it. It IS the latest cutting edge findings by research medically and phsycologically that ALL or MOST of the world can swing to Bi, in fact we are potentially TRI-sexual which includes ourselves through masturbation.

Science has found the findings for same sex attraction occurs biologically before birth. There is some form of imbalance biologically that can determine a childs sexuality based on the ideal genetic model of human beings. Most scientists agree genetics appears to be the reason for many problems but that's another debate. ... Though to compare, homosexuality exists in the animal kingdom on a small level too, but given I grew up on a farm my observation and experience along with science proves animals have no sense of reason beyond basic neorlogical survival patterns, they make choices without clearly defined analyitical and conscious knowledge, it is purely instinct and survival experience.

Humans however are physical, spiritual and reason based consciously aware beings currnetly living in the INFOTECH age of knowing almost everything, though we are all humbled and made real by being broken at sometime, somewhere, somehow and that is due to our history and at times due to our ancestors and personal pain in life experience.

Can a gay man become straight? There is no such thing as Gay really. It is science proving by researched statistics (not opinionated on the spot stuff) that shows almost the entire planet to be potentially bisexual or essentially tri-sexual which includes masturbation (sex with ourselves).

What in many cases also arises with same sex attraction is Gender confusion known historically as a phsycological imbalance that has been buffered (quietned down) to not offend transgender people and allow people to be what they want regardless given that is now regarded a basic human right today. The belief one is of the opposite sex phsycologically even though mediaclly, physically and gentically they are not, is lately hardly discussed except in some Real TV observations that allow the viewer their own opinion. This IS physcological and same sex orientation does not exist as some strange alien universal entity within us that we haven't discovered yet. It begins biologically pre birth which can govern the thoughts which then later associate to familliar emotions and feelings, a pattern of behaviour DOES emerge through the thoughts of an infant and their emerging beief system(environment) is still not known to influence sexual orientation.

Punishment, condemnation, CURE as such is potentially harmful and not wise. How ever opposite sex relationships even if you have same sex attraction and thoughts IS still a pesons right and NOT open for others judgements and opinions. THIS TOO Is a basic human right which is trampeled on constantly and often by some people who are same sex oriented.

Go for it, have a family, YOU DO have that choice but follow your heart and be wise, don't experiment pursay but go by your inner gut feeling and your mindset to YOUR dream of a life with a wife of YOUR choice and YOUR children and YOUR LIFE. DO it and forget everybody else.

So what if you like to randomly check out the other dudes, though it is disresectful believe it or not to do this in obvious ways and makes a person wheteher guy or girl feel trashy. If you find a girl you like and fall in love remembering the rules of science that sexually an erection is stimulated by warm mutual feelings and intimacy associated between two people who love each other not JUST physical lust which in most cases is not a healthy approach to any relationship anyway, it is the connection of two people that find each other attractive that is wise.

Science on the edge has lately discovered that the more like you your future lover is, the more likely you will stay together, just stay faithful to one person that is the key, it's called self control and consideration. Your identity IS NOT ANYTHING to do with who creases your jeans. It's your heart that guides you.

Simply put. It is a fact most people are or have been and absolutely DO check out (or in 10 percent cases of married men) have sex with the same sex straight or whatever they wanna call themselves.

The problem isn't about SEX. It's about commitment and personal choice if you can. If you marry a woman if you love her, you are cruel to have sex with anyone or anything again period regardless if you find the boys cute, laugh about it, it really comes down to that, keep it light and accept it, or the babes hot, it is YOUR life and YOUR choice but your responsinbility to the other person. You may even find (though not always reccommended) she understands.

If you have had gay sex and gay thoughts and feelings (even most of your life) and you would like to be married to a woman and have kids you need to consider the facts. Your focus for a dream of a family needs to be on the beautiful person, "The girl" of your choice to be your dream of a lifelong partner and best friend and lover and the dream of children comes after that. Don't always trust your feelings, they can lie to you. She is not an object of sex or a distant fantasy for offspring but someone you will potentially and individully love being with, and the feelings of lust and sex come with intimate connection and love for her.

I encourage you look at woman and accept you are a man like the rest of us and it IS your choice if you can and if you WANT to pursue your dream girl. No law exists and certainly no cynical, mean negotive judgement can stop you. She is the person inside her who matches you, makes you feel like yourslef, accepts you exactly how you are and her attraction to you and vice vercer. Find her, talk to her, build her up and remind yourself by building up yourself you are somebody's man and a husband and father to be. Expect ups and downs, dissapoinment and heart break, relationships can be like that. Just judge wisely by looking deep in the eyes of a person and trust yourself to what you see.

You may not have ever focused on woman before in a loving or even sexual way without the need to feel you HAVE to in order to cure your same sex attraction or peer pressure. You can't necessarily take away that attraction, but you are better and it is healthier to openly accept it, treat it as a small part of you and take it lightly, not condemn yourself or fear it cause "we all got it" scientifically just in stronger doses than others which profoundly causes humanity to whack those derogitory PC labels on people which have absolutely no substanciated boundries or knowledge to date.

We guys have all checked out other dudes no matter what label we put on it and many of us have acted upon it. Many woman have dealt with their same sex attractions or are bi too. Have no regrets in fact some chicks think it's kinda hot to date a guy who swings and encourages it as natural. It's the COMMITMENT to her that matters, you are allowed to find that gym buff cute, grin and comment to yourself honestly..he's hot, but the person you are with is your life partner and you don't have to wear other peoples judgements and narrow minded self generated advice. I talk in FACTS not opinions. If you are in a relationship gay or straight it is selfish, hurtful and heartless to have an affair on them AND NO PC NONSENSE CAN MAKE THAT OK>>>EVER.

Go for it dude, it will take some time in your head to work out you will be spending all your time intimately with someone and sex with anyone else is off limits.

Many bisexual woman have husbands, whos complaining about that! In fact hubbys go out to find an extra one which often than not destroys the relationship, not good. You can't deny that you have same sex attraction and it doesn't matter..BUT REMEMBER IT"S YOUR LIFE! You need to genuinly seek an inner attraction to a girl that you like as a friend just be honest with yourself and smile cause it happened and forgive yourself.

You are allowed to experiment that is your right, it seems ok for people to jump the fence but if you jump back, back lashes from nasty judgmental narrow minds are suddenly abusing your choice claiming you are gay for life... SORRY-NO PROOF! Who the hell do they think they are, better us practicing and truly sincere professionals who go by the latest research and good ole down to earth common sense than some half baked meany. Science in fact has kept some findings under the carpet until more proof can be found, it seems either genetic DNA mutation, rejection in the womb and many other theories are showing more light to it.

Homosexual, heterosexual and bi-sexual describe an act and a private life not a persons identity. Who came up with this stuff to label a person, when science has little to go on. THATS CRAZY. Some of us guys have formed sexual addictions wheteher same sex or other and this MUST be managed and dealth with properly by asking for help before pursuing anyone for love.

Take care all people of your OWN heart, follow IT, it will guide you to YOUR truth and there is someone for everyone, don't listen to home job DIY phsycologists.


I am no doctor or specialist, but i think you should try dating or having an sexual intercourse with both people of your same sex and girls. After that, either if you come up gay or not, if you still wanna have a wife and children, you could come clean to a girl that you like and you're confident enough to tell your situation and if she's okay you could get into a _very_ open relationship where you could have gay sex and still be married. I've heard of some families who does that and they're very happy.

I guess the thing here is that you don't keep secrets from your wife.


Well all the above are interesting. to read. BUT, in some societies (like where I'm living) to be gay is BAD or it is considered as a DESEASE and must be cured. I have a brother he is straight but me, I'm gay because I had never been with a girl and I'm 25 now. I always have thoughts about men but I have never had intercourse with either. The problem also is that I want to have a family because it is the reason we are on Earth: to regenerate. Today in my country if i tell anyone (even my family) that I have "bad" (as said above) thoughts (or straightforward that I'm gay) they will kick me out and leave me. I dont have friends (close friends) because I would always push them somehow away so they wouldnt "see" who really I'am because they were also raised to consider gay as a problem. So I'm still "in the closet". On the other hand, before you suggest to be straight or look it, I cannot pretend to be something I'm not it is againt my beliefs and values given and tought by my family again. I cannot just lie to a girl just because I want to cover my true self. I think my life is doomed.... I want to leave and stay at the same time. I dont know what to do... I'm very comfused.... Help!

Although above it sounds suicidal it is not, I have patience but I'm fighting a battle with no winner inside me. Is there a solution? Can anyone tell me that: hey! you must do this and that and it will be ok. But unfortunately there is no such answer I know it! so how do I continue? The only thing that holds me is my studies which Thank God I'm doing great and first of my class but this doesnt fulfill me. I have read a lot about homosexuality and peoples view on the net but it cannot apply here... This is the first time though that I post.



Even if I would want to become straight I want to know how to have an erection for a girl first :S


i am gay, never woried about it or wanted to be different.
i suggest that you move somewhere you can be yourself, and stop worrying about what other people think. its not important.

you are perfectly normal

love owen.


I have the exact same problem as you mate, don't worry your not alone. It was slightly comforting for 'me' to hear that someone else is experiencing this so thought id just say. :-(


Hey pal...
Like the person above me,, even i too have this same trouble...!!
We are all on the same old boat...
i too love to have a family, but the problem I am afraid of now is how can i have sex with ma wife even if i marry one??
When i don't normally get an erection while with a girl...
I am afraid, what would she think of me if my penis doesn't raise??
But still, I want a wife, I want a child, I want a happy family that cares for me, the society that looks upto me...!!
I hope there is a way for us, if not, I would like to be killed in some freak accident or something,, not sucide for sure..!!
my email id is ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed **
Please read our Terms of Use

please do contact me, if anyone here has same thoughts...!!


Hey man

I feel kind of better to know there are people who actually go through same feelings.
I myself think about that alot. not to know what your future life could be.
would like to have a family but not sure you can do it!
Being afraid of people that they might notice your behavior so you push them away and wouldn't get attached.
I think its normal.

Bottom line life ain't easy, what I can say is a relationship with a guy might not be what you are looking for.

I really think you should try to date a woman and take it slow, see if you get to like her and get attached.
If you don't like it just stop it. By dating you are not lying. who knows you might find out that afterall you
can have what you want!

Loving someone has many sacrifices - Many people just don't get it


Well if you want to stop being gay dont focus on males or look at homosexual porn. Its incredible hard, i know iv been there im 21 now and I used to buy into the lie that if i was gay thats who i really was and to not try and change it. Dont get me wrong, temptations will always be there but you have to make the choice to not participate and eventually those feelings will start to fade. In the mean time if you are surrounded by homosexual friends, you need to get a new set of friends. If thats not an option, then you can go hangout at a church get some Christian friends. Normally that helps, althought it felt really ackward the first time I did that.


my lifes on the same cycle too

i am 25 year old boy and having strong thoughts of gay upon my same sexed friends.

i had sex with many boyfriends and girlfriends and just so confused wat my life is going through
i am confused that is it that i am going to be single gay forever or will i get over it and fulfil my dreams
of becoming a father with many children and a beautiful wife

but the problem now is that i kinda confused wat my choice will be
highly, i prefer getting married and having kids of my own

another problem is that i always getting jealouse of my younger cousin brothers who may look
very cute, getting more beautiful gals, having lot of male friends than i do, and have those manly attitudes and behavours that
i wish to have. many of them are so PERFECT and i always have gayish thoughts with them, however i
also lured them to my satisfaction.

on the other hand, my girlfriends always staking me about my attitudes and action, and are afraid i am
showin some gay around and how i stare while talking to guys, and how i speak and act infront of many
of my cute cousins.

however a fortnight ago, my exgirlfriend tells me that she overheard rumors about me sleeping wif one on my cousins.
immediately i broke wif her, telling if she doesnt trust me than im gone ...... she changed her mind, but i just broke the chain anyway because i need time to see if i am a real gay or a straight dude

well now im at the internet 24/7 getting many information about my own inner self
but kinda couldnt find em



I'm almost 30 now and i am a virgin and that's because i am in the same boat with you. Of course i always knew that i am not alone, but it is still in a way alleviating... My story is pretty much similar to many others, i have never had a girlfriend nor boyfriend, i have many good people around me, but none of them is the one you can call a close friend, and that's because i don't want any of them to be... And ya my story can be slightly amplified by the fact that makes me quite unhappy, which wasn't mentioned by others. And it is the feeling that i might have been much much more professionally successful if i had not those gay feelings... i mean i always worked hard at school and at university, was always one of the top students, i work quite hard now too, but my reserved behaviour, which is dictated by my fear of being uncovered, is always a consideration for my bosses (ya i should mention about the way work is done in my place - personal, informal relationship is very important unfortunately)....
Well I agree with one of the big posts above about the bi- or even tri-nature of people's sexuality... I remember myself as a child aged 13 checking out naked women pictures and having an erection... but i also remember myself having an erection in the bath-house when i used to go there with my father... I don't know how, but somehow by the age of 15-16 i started to get more interested in males, and that age is when you realize many things... well then started the period of denial mixed with an unconscious desire to be engrossed in studies - final exams at school, university entrance exams, university itself. It is now that i realize it was in a way an escape from fears of being denied and at the same time a self-affirmation that can be expressed by the following: If u work hard, you'll get your problems solved...u must imagine how difficult it was when by 21-23 i realized that they are not going to be solved, Oh sh*t I am not straight, i am different, i am f***ed.... Now i am more or less in peace with my sexuality, BUT still cannot put up with how the things are... and I hate that fact... I from time to time catch myself analyzing different scenarios of my future, and always see nothing better than having a family... but how, i don't know where to start...
I don't know why i am writing this... maybe to realize that i have to take some steps to have the future i think of or maybe because i'm at home alone and it is my birthday today.... well i am just lonely... btw would be glad to talk to people with whom i am in the boat)


I am 16 and idk if it is to early to know what I am, but I thought I was straight, but I started being less and less attracted to girls and more to guys. I really don't know what I am. I don't mind gays, I just DON'T wanna be gay. I hate it so much. I just want to have a family and talk to my friends about hot girls and stuff like everyone else. I can't imagine being in a relationship with a guy. It would be so weird, I think of guys as my friends not boyfriends. I just have a physical attraction. I had a friend who im not sure if he was gay but he sure acted like it sometimes. We had some awkward moments and stuff and I was still starting to be attracted to guys. Was it his fault? I just, no offense, don't want to turn out like a lot of you and be a 25 year old virgin with no idea what he is. I just want to be straight, grow up and have a family. what do I do?