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Hi, I had an abortion 5 days ago in what I thought was the right decision to save my marriage. My husband and I have been together for about 12 years and stopped using condoms last July. He wasn't really ready to have a baby but said he would be ok with it when it happened. So May 24th I was so sick all day and took a test that night which was positive. My husband was at work and all I could do was cry I was terrified and happy at the same time. I've wanted a baby for years and it was finally happening. The next day I told my husband and I couldn't stop crying he said it would all be ok and that he was happy about it. We took another test together that night he was so excited to get one of the digital readout test and he even wanted to hold it in the container I went in to see the results. About 45 seconds later it appeared and said pregnant and he was smiling from ear to ear. We were ok for about a week and then his whole attitude changed he wasn't talking to me and felt very distant. He said it wasn't the right time we couldn't afford it. We have too much debt and so on. He basically gave me an ultimatum either the baby or him. I didn't know what to do all I knew is how much I love him and kept thinking he's right we aren't going to be able to provide like we would want too so the baby would have the best life possible. So I decided to have the abortion thinking we would be ok and be able to try again later. So I went for the abortion this past Tuesday and things between us have just gotten worse. He's still not talking to me and I hate myself for killing my baby at 7 weeks. I have no support from him as he didn't even ask me the day I had the procedure if I was ok or how I felt, nothing. I really regret doing it and I don't know how to get past it Or if I ever will. Everywhere I look its baby this and baby that, everyone I know is just finding out they are pregnant or have just had a baby. I REALLY want a baby I just wish I hadn't done what I did. I keep hoping that maybe the abortion didn't work but I know that's very unlikely. I know it may not be the right thing but I'm going to try and get pregnant as soon as possible if I can get my husband to talk to me or touch me in the next few weeks were its easy to become pregnant and if it happens and he leaves I know I'll have that babies unconditional love forever and this time around my family's support. Nobody knows what ive done because the original plan was to wait till my first doctor appt and make sure everything is ok before telling our parents and family. I want to tell my mom so bad but I don't want her to know what I've done. Any thoughts or help to just make me not hate my life and self for the biggest mistake I've made would be nice, but please don't judge me I'm already doing that enough myself.

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Hi Guest,

I'm sorry for your loss.

I wish you would find the strength to talk to your mom.  Your husband forced this decision on you.  You did what you felt you needed to do to save your marriage. Unfortunately, he is a coward and does not accept any responsibility for his actions.

In my opinion, if you ever want to have your own child you will end up having to leave him.

Good luck. 

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Thank you, I know they say it gets easier over time but I'm not sure if this will. I basically feel broken and with having this decision forced on me and being almost 30 I'm not sure ill ever have another chance to have a baby. My marriage is on the rocks as he says he hasn't been happy for some time now but can't explain why he's not happy he says he just isn't. So at some point I'm going to have to break down and talk to my mom about everything. I'm just not ready to see the hurt in her eyes when she hears what I've done. I've always been the person to say ill never have an abortion and I just feel so stupid I let myself do that all for him who doesn't want to be here anyway. I just wish I could turn back time a week and I would never have gone through with it. And I just feel that if he wants a divorce he should have to give me the baby he made me terminate thinking everything would be ok. He said he would be fine paying child support if it would ever come to that. 

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Guest,

Mom's have a way of knowing when things aren't "right." I'm sure she knows something is happening.

Whether or not you try to save this marriage is something you need to decide upon. It sounds like he has problems and if he won't talk, it won't be easy and may be impossible to save.

All I can suggest is that you move on with YOUR life. If you want a child, at 30, you still have a number of years to do that. Don't waste any more time.

Good luck.
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I just feel like my clock is ticking and I'm never going to meet anyone in time to settle down and start a family. I never pictured my marriage falling apart like this. I feel that if I could just get pregnant by him one more time he can call it quits and ill be happy that I have that bundle of joy that he forced me to give you the first time. I just want to feel that unconditional love of a child and experience being a mother with or without a man. Ideally I'd love to work things out with him and have it all but if he's not happy it's never going hot work. 

He was my high school sweetheart, been together since I was 16. He's my whole world and I would do anything for him I just don't know how much more I can take with being so angry with myself about killing my baby and angry at him for allowing me to do it knowing he wasn't happy and wanted out anyway. I just feel like he's being so selfish and only thinking about what he wants. I feel like since he lied about not leaving me after having the abortion that he at least owes Myers a baby regardless because he is leaving either way and I didn't know that till after I gave up my baby all for love thinking it will happen again at the right time. This whole past month has been so hard and the last week even harder trying not to think about what I did and wishing I could go back and change it. I just am emotionally drained and the only fight I have left is to have a child. 

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