Katy I agree with Bambi27!! You do need to reach out for help, and your capable of doing it, you came on here didn't you? What is it thats stopping you from seeking help? Do you know the numbers of places to contact? ... I know its difficult, its not easy to admit you need help, you feel like a failer and you lose all hope...but it can get better, you just need to take the right steps.
So do I have it right, that he wants to end the relationship? Honey if thats true then thats a good thing!! Its has to be tearing you apart knowing hes with someone else, or possibly is...and going through all the abuse! It can finally end...I get if your scared, and feel like your on your own with no where to go and no money, but your working aren't you? and you will have your girls right? and then you can be HAPPY for once in your life not having to be scared about every little thing you do around him and what might happen that day.
And you do not have to go back to drinking, there are other things that can help you get through the day....the reason why i think you stopped the pills is because you felt like they weren't working or you didn't like the side effects right? I think you weren't one them long enough for your body to adjust to them, it can take awhie...but maybe they were right for you, there are lots of others things out there that can help, its all trial and error...and i get that you don't want to be on any pills and want to be able to do it on your own, but right now honey you can't...and thats okay!! I really think that if you get on the right meds, and start some counselling (they can talk and listen and physically be there for you and help you out in whatever you need, then you can wean yourself off the meds once you are in a better place and are able to cope better)
i know you feel trapped and its not easy seeing a way out other than suicide, but there are other ways, i promise you that (i don't make promisses EVER unless i know for sure!)
so what do you say? do you think you can look up a place you might feel comfortable going to? All you have to do is go once, thats all i and bambi ask, and see what you think of it, if its not for you then fine, but you won't know till you try it! all you gotta do is call, totally and completely harmless. So are you willing to try? for yourself and for your girls?
So do I have it right, that he wants to end the relationship? Honey if thats true then thats a good thing!! Its has to be tearing you apart knowing hes with someone else, or possibly is...and going through all the abuse! It can finally end...I get if your scared, and feel like your on your own with no where to go and no money, but your working aren't you? and you will have your girls right? and then you can be HAPPY for once in your life not having to be scared about every little thing you do around him and what might happen that day.
And you do not have to go back to drinking, there are other things that can help you get through the day....the reason why i think you stopped the pills is because you felt like they weren't working or you didn't like the side effects right? I think you weren't one them long enough for your body to adjust to them, it can take awhie...but maybe they were right for you, there are lots of others things out there that can help, its all trial and error...and i get that you don't want to be on any pills and want to be able to do it on your own, but right now honey you can't...and thats okay!! I really think that if you get on the right meds, and start some counselling (they can talk and listen and physically be there for you and help you out in whatever you need, then you can wean yourself off the meds once you are in a better place and are able to cope better)
i know you feel trapped and its not easy seeing a way out other than suicide, but there are other ways, i promise you that (i don't make promisses EVER unless i know for sure!)
so what do you say? do you think you can look up a place you might feel comfortable going to? All you have to do is go once, thats all i and bambi ask, and see what you think of it, if its not for you then fine, but you won't know till you try it! all you gotta do is call, totally and completely harmless. So are you willing to try? for yourself and for your girls?
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Katy I gave you these numbers before but that was a long time ago here are some more
What to do in a Crisis
Call a Helpline
•Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. They are open 24 hours a day and your call will be answered by a trained advisor. You can also email them at _[removed]_. Their website is www.samaritans.org
•Breathing Space is a freephone helpline open from 6pm - 2am Monday to Friday and 24 hours a day from Friday evening to Monday morning on 0800 83 85 87. They also have a website www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk
•Saneline 0845 767 8000 is open from 6pm - 11pm every day of the year. Visit their website at www.sane.org.uk or you can email them at _[removed]_
•NHS 24 is a general medical helpline on 0845 24 24 24 www.nhs24.com
Local Helplines
•Access Line 24/7 Providing emotional and practical support to residents of Edinburgh over the age of 18 who are experiencing distress.
0808 801 0414 www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk Open 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
•Borderline Free and confidential out of hours support and information line for people with any mental health problem and their families and friends living in the Borders 0800 027 4466 7-10 pm Mon –Fri; 6-10 pm Sat and Sun
•Copeline offers support to people who are anxious, distressed or having emotional problems in Ayrshire
0800 056 8181 7pm – 11pm Mon – Fri; 11am – 11pm Sat and Sun Ayrshire.
•FIRST Crisis Service Providing short term support for anyone in Renfrewshire and Levern Valley are over the age of 16 who is experiencing a crisis in their mental health. Open 7 days a week, 365 days a year 9am - 11pm in Renfrewshire and 11am - 11pm in Levern Valley. Phone 0141 848 9090 or freephone (from landlines) 0500 829 093.
What to do in a Crisis
Call a Helpline
•Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. They are open 24 hours a day and your call will be answered by a trained advisor. You can also email them at _[removed]_. Their website is www.samaritans.org
•Breathing Space is a freephone helpline open from 6pm - 2am Monday to Friday and 24 hours a day from Friday evening to Monday morning on 0800 83 85 87. They also have a website www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk
•Saneline 0845 767 8000 is open from 6pm - 11pm every day of the year. Visit their website at www.sane.org.uk or you can email them at _[removed]_
•NHS 24 is a general medical helpline on 0845 24 24 24 www.nhs24.com
Local Helplines
•Access Line 24/7 Providing emotional and practical support to residents of Edinburgh over the age of 18 who are experiencing distress.
0808 801 0414 www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk Open 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
•Borderline Free and confidential out of hours support and information line for people with any mental health problem and their families and friends living in the Borders 0800 027 4466 7-10 pm Mon –Fri; 6-10 pm Sat and Sun
•Copeline offers support to people who are anxious, distressed or having emotional problems in Ayrshire
0800 056 8181 7pm – 11pm Mon – Fri; 11am – 11pm Sat and Sun Ayrshire.
•FIRST Crisis Service Providing short term support for anyone in Renfrewshire and Levern Valley are over the age of 16 who is experiencing a crisis in their mental health. Open 7 days a week, 365 days a year 9am - 11pm in Renfrewshire and 11am - 11pm in Levern Valley. Phone 0141 848 9090 or freephone (from landlines) 0500 829 093.
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Hey...Im okay! Thanks guys-still thinking its my only option though-but it will just have to wait!
I can smell blood-have done for the last 2 days and cant get rid of it ( and its not my period!)
Guest/Bambi , I know your right- I just cant seem to stop thinking about it though and it feels better to know I have something in my control-sometimes i think im too much of a baby to do it anyway, then like this for days thinking about it. He doesnt care , everything is a joke to hiim, he laughs over me.
Ill be okay, weve been here before!
I can smell blood-have done for the last 2 days and cant get rid of it ( and its not my period!)
Guest/Bambi , I know your right- I just cant seem to stop thinking about it though and it feels better to know I have something in my control-sometimes i think im too much of a baby to do it anyway, then like this for days thinking about it. He doesnt care , everything is a joke to hiim, he laughs over me.
Ill be okay, weve been here before!
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Okay-ive hay fever I think. itchy eyes, itchy throat, eyes watery and keep sneezing strange sneezies.
Okay- I cant -dont want to talk about other things today. ( Cleasning girls bedroom-its a mess!)
To Guest/ he doesnt seem to think I matter, so he would have me here hapily looking after the children and in his trap for the rest of my time, ( he doesnt think I matter- Im not important to him-but he seems to want to keep it this way for eternity! If hes another woman it cantb e serious- or he would want out- or is he just pretending to wind me up, or what?Testing me? Anways, who cares!!!!
Okay- I cant -dont want to talk about other things today. ( Cleasning girls bedroom-its a mess!)
To Guest/ he doesnt seem to think I matter, so he would have me here hapily looking after the children and in his trap for the rest of my time, ( he doesnt think I matter- Im not important to him-but he seems to want to keep it this way for eternity! If hes another woman it cantb e serious- or he would want out- or is he just pretending to wind me up, or what?Testing me? Anways, who cares!!!!
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God this is rubbish. Itchy eyes and cant breathe , not even going out in the sun!
Got the girls room looking much better-makes me feel better!
Hope you guys are Okay?
Got the girls room looking much better-makes me feel better!
Hope you guys are Okay?
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o.O Ive another job interview on Monday. Do you think I would mad to take 2 part time jobs on( if this happens?)
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Your not okay! You keep saying you are but your not! ... especially if you keep thinking suicide is your only option...You may think your fine now, or have stopped thinking about it for awhile, but you keep going back to that...you can't ignore it! you've already stated before that you have self-harmed, you can't keep putting it off, don't wait for yourself to get into a bad spot again and then have something happen...you can have control over your life, and you do! so make a change and pick up the phone...call 0808 2000 247...You are not alone!! millions of women are being abused daily! and millions of women are seeking help!
Why stay with someone who clearly doesn't care about you? the guy is an A$$ and you know it! here is a list of warning sign of abuse, read over it...
If a woman is forced to change her behaviour because she is frightened of her partner then she is being abused. If she is experiencing any of the following then it’s likely that she’s being abused
Is he jealous and possessive?
Does he cut her off from family and friends and try to isolate her?
Is he charming one minute and abusive the next, does he have sudden changes of mood – like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
Does he control her life – for example money, who she should see, what she should wear?
Does he monitor her movements?
Does he blame her for the abuse?
Does he humiliate or insult her in front of others?
Does he verbally abuse her?
Does he constantly criticise her?
Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten her and to make her comply with his demands?
Does he tell her she’s useless and couldn’t cope without him?
Has he threatened to hurt her or people close to her if she leaves?
Does she change her behaviour to avoid making him angry and triggering an attack?
Does he force her to have sex when she doesn’t want to?
And there are also many different ways of being abusive. Here are a few examples:
Damaging a woman’s possessions.
Smashing up the furniture.
Threatening to kill the pets.
Threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children if she leaves.
Locking her out of the house during an argument.
Terrorising her by driving fast or through red lights at high speed because he knows it frightens her.
The aim of the behaviour, whether conscious or unconscious – is to take control of the woman’slife. Domestic violence is an abuse of power – it’s all about power and control
You keep saying your fine and its not that bad, but it is! I get that your scared!! its okay to be scared! and you feel "stuck" but you can take control over your life and make a change for the better...because he isn't going to change, if anything it will get worse! You have the power to make it end, all you have to do is call for support, and they will guide you through everything and hold your hand the entire way through :-D
The cycle of abuse is never ending...
ABUSE OCCURS
~Physical
~ Sexual
~Emotional
TENSION- RECONCILIATION/
BUILDING MAKE-UP
~Abuser starts to get angry ~Abuser appologizes for the abuse, promises it won't
~Minor incidents of abuse begin happen again
~Communication breaks down ~Blames victim for provoking the abuse
~Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm ~Denies the abuse took place, or minimizes it
~Tension becomes too much ~Gives gifts to the victim
~Victims/family members feel like they are "walking on eggshells"
CALM
~Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
~No abuse is taking place
~Some promises during the MAKE-UP phase are met
~Victim hopes the abuse is over
Its a never ending cycle unless you take control and end it! You MATTER!! And bambi and I are concered for you, don't tell us your fine or that we shouldn't worry when we should and do...we care about you and want the best for you!! just know that, and i know you want the same for yourself!! take action honey, and show this A$$ he can't hurt you anymore!
and take some allergy meds!! it will help, non drowsey of course...and good luck on your interview! whats it for anyway? I hope you get the job!
And please don't ignore this or brush it off...you have a way of ignoring it and writing on here about other things instead of focusing on the real matter at hand ;-)
we care about you! you have the strength to do this
Why stay with someone who clearly doesn't care about you? the guy is an A$$ and you know it! here is a list of warning sign of abuse, read over it...
If a woman is forced to change her behaviour because she is frightened of her partner then she is being abused. If she is experiencing any of the following then it’s likely that she’s being abused
Is he jealous and possessive?
Does he cut her off from family and friends and try to isolate her?
Is he charming one minute and abusive the next, does he have sudden changes of mood – like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
Does he control her life – for example money, who she should see, what she should wear?
Does he monitor her movements?
Does he blame her for the abuse?
Does he humiliate or insult her in front of others?
Does he verbally abuse her?
Does he constantly criticise her?
Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten her and to make her comply with his demands?
Does he tell her she’s useless and couldn’t cope without him?
Has he threatened to hurt her or people close to her if she leaves?
Does she change her behaviour to avoid making him angry and triggering an attack?
Does he force her to have sex when she doesn’t want to?
And there are also many different ways of being abusive. Here are a few examples:
Damaging a woman’s possessions.
Smashing up the furniture.
Threatening to kill the pets.
Threatening to kidnap or get custody of the children if she leaves.
Locking her out of the house during an argument.
Terrorising her by driving fast or through red lights at high speed because he knows it frightens her.
The aim of the behaviour, whether conscious or unconscious – is to take control of the woman’slife. Domestic violence is an abuse of power – it’s all about power and control
You keep saying your fine and its not that bad, but it is! I get that your scared!! its okay to be scared! and you feel "stuck" but you can take control over your life and make a change for the better...because he isn't going to change, if anything it will get worse! You have the power to make it end, all you have to do is call for support, and they will guide you through everything and hold your hand the entire way through :-D
The cycle of abuse is never ending...
ABUSE OCCURS
~Physical
~ Sexual
~Emotional
TENSION- RECONCILIATION/
BUILDING MAKE-UP
~Abuser starts to get angry ~Abuser appologizes for the abuse, promises it won't
~Minor incidents of abuse begin happen again
~Communication breaks down ~Blames victim for provoking the abuse
~Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm ~Denies the abuse took place, or minimizes it
~Tension becomes too much ~Gives gifts to the victim
~Victims/family members feel like they are "walking on eggshells"
CALM
~Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
~No abuse is taking place
~Some promises during the MAKE-UP phase are met
~Victim hopes the abuse is over
Its a never ending cycle unless you take control and end it! You MATTER!! And bambi and I are concered for you, don't tell us your fine or that we shouldn't worry when we should and do...we care about you and want the best for you!! just know that, and i know you want the same for yourself!! take action honey, and show this A$$ he can't hurt you anymore!
and take some allergy meds!! it will help, non drowsey of course...and good luck on your interview! whats it for anyway? I hope you get the job!
And please don't ignore this or brush it off...you have a way of ignoring it and writing on here about other things instead of focusing on the real matter at hand ;-)
we care about you! you have the strength to do this
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awww man! my cycle got messed up!
heres what its suppose to read!
ABUSE OCCURS
~Physical
~ Sexual
~Emotional
RECONCILIATION/MAKE-UP
~Abuser appologizes for the abuse, promises it won't happen again
~Blames victim for provoking the abuse
~Denies the abuse took place, or minimizes it
~Gives gifts to the victim
CALM
~Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
~No abuse is taking place
~Some promises during the MAKE-UP phase are met
~Victim hopes the abuse is over
TENSION-BUILDING
~Abuser starts to get angry
~Minor incidents of abuse begin happen again
~Communication breaks down
~Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
~Tension becomes too much
~Victims/family members feel like they are "walking on eggshells"
It just keeps going over and over again (I had it in a circle but I don't know what happened to it)
heres what its suppose to read!
ABUSE OCCURS
~Physical
~ Sexual
~Emotional
RECONCILIATION/MAKE-UP
~Abuser appologizes for the abuse, promises it won't happen again
~Blames victim for provoking the abuse
~Denies the abuse took place, or minimizes it
~Gives gifts to the victim
CALM
~Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
~No abuse is taking place
~Some promises during the MAKE-UP phase are met
~Victim hopes the abuse is over
TENSION-BUILDING
~Abuser starts to get angry
~Minor incidents of abuse begin happen again
~Communication breaks down
~Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
~Tension becomes too much
~Victims/family members feel like they are "walking on eggshells"
It just keeps going over and over again (I had it in a circle but I don't know what happened to it)
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Hi guest-thanks for the detailed insight-but what I dont get is this?
How do you know im not abusing him-when he says I do, and perhaps if I do I cant see it!
overall, theres no communicatin between him and I. He never has or never will give me a pennie or a pressent-thankfully, Id chuck it if he did. I now I should be stringer , to manage, noticing I think I deserve to create my own happiness.But I think part of the problem is I blame myslef for it going everywhere because I was so frigid and fragile in the beginning. itd take me at least a bottle of wine before going to bed with him etc.
He says we have a relationship-I guess it doesnt matter what pigeonhole you care to put that one in, but at the moment I would say its older bigger bully brother hates little sister style.
The job is just a little part time job-ceramic experience./working with children and famuilies in the weekend. So i could do the school run, do my little part time job during the week, study in the evening ( when that starts again and work or rather have fun in the weekend modelling clay works. I though- from a selfish point - that this might be therapeutic for me-but it seems like an awful lot of time away from my own children.
The truth of the matter-I dont think I could actually discuss to my nearest and dearest or even to another human, the inhumanities. And, it is like he has a hold on me. It is I will loose the children if I go etc. Also, hes had really bad back pain but continues to drink on some opioid the doctor gave him-its freaking me out a little . Today he was so irational , like a angry bear with a bullet through the head. having said that im so sick of caleanign up after everyone I was clanging the dishes so hard that iwasnted them smashed. Then spent the day like Lazaurus after a triple by pass in my pjamas, sleeping whenever I feel like it. i want to wash this scar of my face but it will never go away!
How do you know im not abusing him-when he says I do, and perhaps if I do I cant see it!
overall, theres no communicatin between him and I. He never has or never will give me a pennie or a pressent-thankfully, Id chuck it if he did. I now I should be stringer , to manage, noticing I think I deserve to create my own happiness.But I think part of the problem is I blame myslef for it going everywhere because I was so frigid and fragile in the beginning. itd take me at least a bottle of wine before going to bed with him etc.
He says we have a relationship-I guess it doesnt matter what pigeonhole you care to put that one in, but at the moment I would say its older bigger bully brother hates little sister style.
The job is just a little part time job-ceramic experience./working with children and famuilies in the weekend. So i could do the school run, do my little part time job during the week, study in the evening ( when that starts again and work or rather have fun in the weekend modelling clay works. I though- from a selfish point - that this might be therapeutic for me-but it seems like an awful lot of time away from my own children.
The truth of the matter-I dont think I could actually discuss to my nearest and dearest or even to another human, the inhumanities. And, it is like he has a hold on me. It is I will loose the children if I go etc. Also, hes had really bad back pain but continues to drink on some opioid the doctor gave him-its freaking me out a little . Today he was so irational , like a angry bear with a bullet through the head. having said that im so sick of caleanign up after everyone I was clanging the dishes so hard that iwasnted them smashed. Then spent the day like Lazaurus after a triple by pass in my pjamas, sleeping whenever I feel like it. i want to wash this scar of my face but it will never go away!
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Hmmm=this is an interseting point-"does he cut her from family and friend". friends yes, i was never allowed to go out in the early days, and now I cant. If I wore make up , id be asked to scrub it off, and if I wore anything that revealed anything Id be asked to change. I cant wear heals , but if I wore them boy was I teased. ) Thats social and the friends circle) the family circle is quite different. When Im around my family, I get anxts they dont understand-they see me as the unreasonable irrational one- afterall its liitle penis eyed bullied Katy, that never quite made the grade-shes just nto got it connected-shes slow etc etc! Hes right -shes unreasonable-neurotic!
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Sometimes I wonder why you guys are so caring? Why are you people so caring-when my friends cantsee past it?
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You are my sister from another Mister! And I think Guest will agree, "WHY wouldn't we care!"? You are an abused woman! PERIOD! You might fight back - thus him sneakily calling the police on you when you should have called them! Don't put any more energy into him!
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Hi Bambi and guest-how are yo both?
Hmm, my drinks nurse want be available for some time- though ive decidedthat only I can deal with that.
Im really choked today.
Dawn- your right about energy-i need it fo rthe children!
Im really bunged up cold/hayfever-I dont know but it want go away!
Hope you 2 have a good day. ive a fiar then a kids party yo contend with so im busy. Busy is good! Take care.
Hmm, my drinks nurse want be available for some time- though ive decidedthat only I can deal with that.
Im really choked today.
Dawn- your right about energy-i need it fo rthe children!
Im really bunged up cold/hayfever-I dont know but it want go away!
Hope you 2 have a good day. ive a fiar then a kids party yo contend with so im busy. Busy is good! Take care.
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Grrr! Thats nearlly both of us down. He cant move because of back pain and ive just pulled something in my shoulder/cant hold a bag ( what an id**t!)
Its strawberry time of year, so off to get raspberries and strawberries/my favourite!
Hes mouthing off about "when am I going to sign these papers" How many drugs would I have to put in his dinner and what ones? 8-|
Its strawberry time of year, so off to get raspberries and strawberries/my favourite!
Hes mouthing off about "when am I going to sign these papers" How many drugs would I have to put in his dinner and what ones? 8-|
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Could this be hayfever-or is it just a cold? Or do we lot have a viral infectino thats damaging our muscles? My eyes are really itchy, so iM guesssing its hayfever and actually believe it or not im going to take something for ir-no not wine! God Id really like some right now thought!
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