Okay so I'm a girl, I'm 15, and I'm in 9th grade. For as long as I can remember I've been pretty quiet and if you ask anyone who knows me or knows who I am they'll tell you that I'm quiet too. I've always been afraid... afraid of being judged, afraid of being rejected, afraid of doing something stupid, afraid of being made fun of, afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of offending someone, afraid of people being mad at me, afraid of disappointing people, afraid of public speaking, afraid of ...well, pretty much everything. I remember the first time I had to give a presentation, it was in second grade and I had to be the first person to give my presentation (not my choice) I had been home schooled before and I was kind of new to that school and had never given a presentation before. When I got up to the front of the class I stood there and I could feel everyones eyes staring at me. I completely froze and forgot everything I had prepared. The teacher had to pull me aside and let the next person go first and when it was my turn again I just closed my eyes and spouted off random information about the topic that probably didn't even make any sense.
Now any time I have to give a presentation or speak in front of large groups or small groups of people I get really dizzy and tired I start to sweat my knees shake my head throbs and my throat feels kind of like its closing up (I know that it really isn't though because I know what that feels like because I have a peanut allergy) I can't stand still during the presentation. I worry about the presentation for weeks before and I imagine every possible outcome and after it's over I worry about what people thought and when I'm gonna have to give another one.
I bite my nails constantly sometimes end up biting my finger a little too. I will often fiddle with things like the bottom of my skirt or my shirt or my hair when I'm nervous, which is always. I'll retuck my shirt, scratch my elbow, move my hair, scratch my nose, fix my earrings and there's a lot more things that I randomly do. I'm horrible about making quick decisions in social situations and I often think about what I should have done right afterwards and then I think about all the possible outcomes if I had done that.
I also have a huge crush on a guy and my shyness or whatever you want to call it doesn't help with that. Everything that I have trouble with when It comes to social situations is 10 times worse with him because he makes me even more nervous than other people. I have liked him since 5th grade and I think about him constantly and I dream about him almost every night. Just last night I dreamt that he took me aside in the hall and told me he liked me and I said I liked him and then we kissed but then I woke up and realized it was just a dream :'( If I could talk to him more than it might be better but I just can't do it.
I really just want to be able to relax and not be constantly worrying about what I'm going to do and what others are going to do and thinking of every possible outcome. I'm very easily startled and some people apparently find that amusing.
I'm sorry that I wrote so much and I'm sorry it's so unorganized. Please help if you can, I'm tired of the constant worry.
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hi, im a 21 year-old girl from montreal living with social anxiety for about 4 years now. what i can tell you is psychotherapy(counseling) helps cuz it can help you figure out why you are feeling like this and how to remedy it. building up your self-esteem could hel p you as well, you can do this by takin a up a activity (dance (merengue, hip-hop, whatever) class, sports, music, languages) and by takin a risk to do|create something coolgreat, thinkin positively, being your own best friend. ive laways been scared of rejection and your panic attacks caused by presentation sounded really familiar to me. i had a father that was very critical and that i could never satisfy enough so my fear of rejection and not being good enough stems from that(realised this in psychotherapy) and i got teased at school as a child. good luck and know that you are not alone, there is also teen anxiety support groups as well, maybe theres some in your area. just know that a beautiful-spirited and aware person is much cooler than a stereotypical, socially-acceptable ''pretty'' person.
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I don't think you are very far from being normal. Most people have a very real fear of public speaking. Some may hide it better but it's still there.
When I was in school I was so "shy" as they called it, that I always tried to sit behind someone taller so I could hide and the teacher wouldn't call on me --- I hoped. I never raised my hand for anything. I had to give a presentation and I worried myself sick for weeks before the bad day. I had a very rough time beginning it but I was surprised that the time went so fast after I got into it. the teacher had to make me shut up. It was about something I knew well and the others knew nothing about so that helped. However I never wanted to do it again. All the little things you do are very normal things people do in that situation and if you know about them you will see teachers and public speakers doing them too.
After all that, when I joined the Army and finished technical school, the Army decided I should be an instructor at the school. You don't say no to the Army so for the next three years I stood up in front of 30 to 400 soldiers every day and talked.
Something to remember, people aren't watching you as critically or as closely as you think they are and most of them just plain don't care what you are doing anyway.
Anyone who is critical of you is most likely even more scared to do what you're doing than you are.
About making decisions: Not making or delaying making a decision is usually not a plus. Someone has to make the decision so it may as well be you. You use whatever information you have at the time and just do it. That's all anyone can do so why shouldn't you be the one who gets the glory when it goes well? Unless they know something you don't, everyone has the same chance of being right or wrong. Again the person who criticizes your decision is most likely the one who is scared to death to make a decision himself.
Everything I mentioned here gets much easier with practice so you just have to jump in and do it.
When I was in school I was so "shy" as they called it, that I always tried to sit behind someone taller so I could hide and the teacher wouldn't call on me --- I hoped. I never raised my hand for anything. I had to give a presentation and I worried myself sick for weeks before the bad day. I had a very rough time beginning it but I was surprised that the time went so fast after I got into it. the teacher had to make me shut up. It was about something I knew well and the others knew nothing about so that helped. However I never wanted to do it again. All the little things you do are very normal things people do in that situation and if you know about them you will see teachers and public speakers doing them too.
After all that, when I joined the Army and finished technical school, the Army decided I should be an instructor at the school. You don't say no to the Army so for the next three years I stood up in front of 30 to 400 soldiers every day and talked.
Something to remember, people aren't watching you as critically or as closely as you think they are and most of them just plain don't care what you are doing anyway.
Anyone who is critical of you is most likely even more scared to do what you're doing than you are.
About making decisions: Not making or delaying making a decision is usually not a plus. Someone has to make the decision so it may as well be you. You use whatever information you have at the time and just do it. That's all anyone can do so why shouldn't you be the one who gets the glory when it goes well? Unless they know something you don't, everyone has the same chance of being right or wrong. Again the person who criticizes your decision is most likely the one who is scared to death to make a decision himself.
Everything I mentioned here gets much easier with practice so you just have to jump in and do it.
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ok,im alot older than you but this got my attention,i was abused by my dad,(beaten)i definately had and have an anxiety disorder and it took a long time to get a dr.to give me something.hate crowds,will pick one person to talk to and want the rest to leave me alone,my dr.finally at around 50 decided i had an anxiety disorder and perscribed and anti-anxiety drug,but there are other ways to help i also am very bashful,(at this age thats rediculas but alot of things change with age.i have insomnia also.first of all i got a job that was very competitive and forced me to interact with people,(dillards)and fight with them and stand up for myself.i learned alot about dealing with people through that and by watching other people and how they delt with things.i wasnt sleeping and dr.wouldnt give me anything.i do alot of things like bite my nails.obsess over things i have no control over.i used to keep my mouth shut around men and was afraid of them,now im the opposite,they dont want a pushover.state your mind whether they like it or not. i am on an anti anxiety drug that i only take at night to sleep or in the case of my husbands death a few months ago.will take on occassion but im very honest with my dr.you definetly need some help.when your older your going to wish you had not overreacted to everything,which i did too.find a spychiatrist or just a regular dr. and go beserk on him and let him know whats going on.sometimes thats the only way they listen,ive been beaten up by men,now i tell them,if they dont like it,too bad,i have not always been this way.if im right,i know im right,they like feedback (although they may tell you to shut up)i was married to someone who drank,i walked on eggshells for many years.and i finally started telling him what i thought and believe me i know you have alot in your mind,better to get it off your chest,tell the dude you like,write him a note,if he rejects you ,its still a relief because you got it off your chest.your going to have a nervous breakdown if you dont see a dr. and be perfectly honest. i started taking muscle relaxers off the street but then told my dr. and he said he was glad i was honest and put me on something, and working with the public is a great way to get over being bashful,work at sears on commission,where your in competition with someone,i hated working for dillards but it definately brought me out of my shell and made me feel worthwhile.your too young for this stress,and parents dont always listen.so if you can go to a dr. or a spyschiatrist or spychologist.they do help and i go to a united pentecostal church which helps promote peace within.you have a long way to go.but just some ideas for you,i grew up feeling the same and sometimes still do,i hate crowds.one on one is good for me.good luck.you'll learn with age.
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Hi,
The good news is that you are being blatantly honest. Do you know that it takes a lot of courage to come out in open and admit your shortcomings? Not many of us would be that fearless.
First of all you need to introspect a bit. Have there been any instances or accidents in your early which might have bothered you? Or is there any difficult family member you have to deal with? Or probably are you feraful of studies or something like that.
Jot down everything which makes you scared and then try sorting out.
You are pretty young and in your teenage so I would advice you to seek profdessional help.
Best of luck
The good news is that you are being blatantly honest. Do you know that it takes a lot of courage to come out in open and admit your shortcomings? Not many of us would be that fearless.
First of all you need to introspect a bit. Have there been any instances or accidents in your early which might have bothered you? Or is there any difficult family member you have to deal with? Or probably are you feraful of studies or something like that.
Jot down everything which makes you scared and then try sorting out.
You are pretty young and in your teenage so I would advice you to seek profdessional help.
Best of luck
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