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Hey guys, spoke to my partner...told him..its ovr..hes in agreement , and sad also.I cant stop crying.......its so sad. love my kids, and this is the last thing i ever wanted I should know, I come from a dysfunctional family

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Dear Dafty: Could you tell me why you have called it quits? Also how old you are also are you leaving or is your partner leaving the home. I can help you with this, I just need a bit more info!
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Hes leaving under the ground that I sign a parental responsibility paper.


Seeking legal advice regarding this tomorrow.

The fact hes in aggreement is good news. the fact he never hit me one is also good news.

But me, I am terrible cant stop crying.

Also, broke my agreement with my doctor and had 3 glasses of wine. The first was telling my sister what I was up to. The second telling him I wanted it over completely and Ive been asking him for yrs to go but he just took it as silly business. and the third to try and stop crying. Took no pills cause whats the point if I still drink. Think I will gain my self respect once hes gone.

I am 32, nearly 33...lok about 50 and smell !!!! :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(
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Sorry, just been to work and actually was not on todays rota, but I think thats cause they think I am seeing my solicitor.Tried to bring the appointment forward, but have to wait till tomorrow!!!!! My heart pounds and my body aches and I cant get mysef together at all.

Even this morning, he cycled past me and the girls on his way to wrk...Hes never done that before and gave me a look like wtf is the matter with you....What can he not remeber??? Yes, I am leaving him because A) Hes hit me once to often.B0 Hes made me do things in bed that I have not wanted to do. C) Hes hoarded money , never told me what he earns ( which is very little anyway) I can reinforce this issue by the facts he bought my daughter NOTHING FOR HER BIRTHDAY, NOT EVEN A CARD. d) hE SHUTS THE DOOR WHEN HIS DAD COMES ROUND AND i AM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE DINNENER WITH THEM AND THEN HE LEAVES THE MESS FOR ME TO TIDY.

hE IS HOWEVER GOOD FOR SITUATIONS WHEN THINGS BREAK..( APART FROM ME THAT IS) oR INSECTS ETC..sOMETIMES i HAVE FELT iVE NEEDED HIM AROUND AS THERE HAS BEEN TIMES WHEN i HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OUT OF BED.

i a WHHILE BACK i ASKED HIM TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF. HE CALLED ME A MOANY COW, JUMPED OF HIS SEAT TOLD ME TO GET OUT HIS FACE ....lURCHED OVER ME...i STUBBORNLY CARRIED ON MY POINT i AM NOT YOUR SLAVE...WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE i DIDNT BUDGE BECAUSE i WANTED HIM TO REALISE THAT ITS NOT MY JOB TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIM ESPECIALLY WHEN HE TREATS ME LIKE THIS....HE THEN PUT BOTH HANDS ROUND MY NECK AND TRIED TO STRANGLE ME... whether he intended to or not...( I dont think he intendde on killing me) But it hurt. I may add , at this point I was sober.

I started drinking wine in the evenings, when the children went to be..First it started with half a bottle, ..then it gradually increased....The thing is I can take my drink....and uinusul things started to happen....

Ive not conmnsented to sex with this man since 4yrs...he has tried to many a time, and once managed

I dont want my children to loose their daddy so never have contacted the police on these issues...weeks ago I ended up in hospital as they thought I had cracked my skull...2 black eyes....The problem being ..I dont know If I blacked out whne he was doing what he was doing or ifI was so drunk...but that just doesnt make sense...and to top things off I was screaming so much the cat paniced and jumped on my head....Poor moggie He the most angelic cat..Maybe he was trying to protect me...Hes funny cause when I have a pain...he lies on it...so thats how I see it.

Theres no money in our joint account..so I am living of visa and truly not enjoying that worry...Anyway, Ive had enough...Ive not told my parents as I dont want them to talk me out of this decision,.This is my life...Ive hurt for far too long with this man..Sometimes love is bad.
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He has also called me the ABUSIVE one....which for along time I believed...because I get anxious I get anxious about getting things done, getting to places on time...getting the children clean and feeding them and lookg after their needs....I panic that things are not going to get done because sometimes I do ignore things I dont like.For instance Ive ignored how bad this situation has been for so long, but thats because I hate the fact that my children will have 2 different homes.

My mum and dad divorced when I was 11. The only time I ever flet secure was about the age of 6...My grandad looked after me for a while when I was in nursery ( God it still hurts, I still miss him) He was a very special man. he brought my mum up from the age of 8. My mum lost her mum in a bike accident. My grandad was really funny too, wore steing verst and drank guiness on occassion...loved robin hood...took it in his stride to climb mountanins at the age of 72 He was a conscientious objector during the war as both his parents were dying from cancer...Its obviuosly in our family (hereditary) as Grandad died from stomach and bowel cancer when I was 20. he was the only grandparent I had..yeah he too had a girlfriend...Sorry on a tangent there.

Its my girls that I am most concerned about . becca is so young and showing signs of being a bit like me...Things really hurt and For instance if I give her a little ticking off because she has done something silly like emptied all her clothe out on the floor and left the drawer lying on the floor...she takes the row to school and cries there..Difficult one that. Anyway, that was a big release.. yeah He saays I abuse him and sometimes I wonder if hes right. Of course Ido things like type herer, and sometimes i|ve not put my 100 pound into the joint account because I ve been to busy trying to pay for childs birthdays. Its a nightmare.

Ive also not been allowed a microwave. Which is not necessarily a bad thing...but 2 yrs ago before mum got sick I was determined to get into primary teaching and take my career from there ...( The backdoor into becoming an education psych) but ...I crumbled. had to look after mum ..had to work part time...had to look after kids....had try and keep this place tidy had to cope with him.

Now I am looking at postgraduate courses for something else and even considering nursing. If I am going to be a single parent ( which I am ) then I am gong to need a better job...just dont know how I am going to manage that one.

My anxiety is also a good thing sometimes....because if the determination is there youanxiously want it. Like a spoiled child. ..This goes in every area...and is another reason why sometimes I think I might be the abuser...but Ibve never punched, kicked ( oh I have slapped him onec) thrown him on the ground .Made him go hungry.....Never 2 timed him, nothing like it.....My only crime is typing here and posting it alllover facebook..though thats mot good as now Ive worried all my friends.

Babmbi pls tell me I am not mental ...all these things are not hallucinations from the events in my past and that I am doing the right thing...So alone. My children do not need to see mummy any more unhappy. They dont deserve that too. :$ 8) :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(
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The reasioon its over.....is I want him out. Yeah I got plastered one Friday, but had just a bottle and a glass, not normally enough to find myself unconscious on the floor in the toilet. Anyway, I rember him putting a bath mat over my head and doing things to me.....He said I was hallucinating..I actually believed him for a while (Stupid -eh?) Because...I couldnt be sure. my friend that I spoke to thinks he spiked my drink or something..and thendone it...Or maybe he blanks out when he gets aggressive _ I dont know...which makes things really difficult asthen he will never admit to any of it. But I remebr the following day feeling a bit shitty and angry and remebering wht hed done I even moved the bath mat to see if hed notice ..Put it on the bath instead of on the floor which is ewhere it never goes. I remeber feeling really anmngry and deep inside of me thinking he thingks I want remeber...but I do.

I do need to stop drinking and believe me I am trying just so so hurt about all of this. Also I see my partner as being ill, not nasty . He was brought up by ...anyway thats his business. I know its not his fault entirlet and that hurts too because I never wanted this for my children.
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Seriously, I just do not add up cause and effect. My behaviour is totally wild. One minute I am crying in the streets the next I am laughing at something stupid...Also went shopping, lik eI needed stuff like oh god...Why did I do that?I need money now ...trying to cheer me up I guess. but now feel sad. Bought the girls some clothes , some stupid fairy lights and some junk.....Just dont know whats the matter with me,Now I am going to bubble again, Its just how I was before , when My mum was ill. Its as though I am really hungry , yet so far had lunch and breakfast and a snack in between , I feel like I am going to colapse with hunger, iTs the only way I can describe it,,,,,and then theres this angnising I want of the boooze...Its not working so I shant be taking anymore pills...I sayy that now and then the next minute I am come on stop it..I just dont know these pills certainly dont seem to be helping with my anxious issues at all, and mu stomach is swollen and itchy and getting odd pain.Oh now I feel incredibly guilty for going shopping!!!! I am so dumb sometimes. I really need help. Also I feel like I am going to throw up any second, trying to hold it in..I know that this isnt a bug though it could be I guess but thats how I feel and generally exhausted.

Went to get my girls from school and theyve gone to a friends.

I thought Id be happy by this stage. You know proud of myself that I am making this commitment ( yet cant do it) Though Iam not failing if I can cut it down stiop and then make it an irregular thing...but if everytime I come of alcohol , ( not that its like I drink until well now 9pm, and head for abed about 10pm..God I am just waffling here and god knows ..what am I doing, I dont know why I dont get a diary ...oh ...yes I do...Everyone would get there hands on it and read it. I feel really sick now. Think I am going to have to go a n puke.
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Dear Daftydil: Coming from a very abusive background, I can relate TOTALLY to your children. You think that being with him is best for the family it is NOT and never will be! What is a "parental responisbility paper"? DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING! till you have gotten some legal advice and taken care of yourself 1st! Right now you sound like you are having sypmtoms of loss - this happens if a spouse dies as well. That is why you are in a whirlwind right now, and you feel like you are out of control. Because sometimes we - especially women - feel like "something is better than nothing!!!" and "NOW WHAT!!" But most of the time nothing is FAR better than something. Especially in your case. He has been abusive to you - emotionallly, physically, mentally, spiritually. He has zapped your soul and you confidence in yourself. PLUS you are probably in the 1st stages of menopause!

Children lead by example, if you come from a home where the mother took a lot of abuse, you are 5 times more likely to do the same, and your daughters will too. If you have sons, they too will be 5 times more likely to disrespect women. I know you are in Britain - thus the term DAFT!!!! ;-) But did you ever hear of the mother who was beaten by her husband and their son would videotape it!!!!!!!!? When she finally had him arressted, the kids turned on her and they had to have MAJOR therapy to get over all that they saw!!

Get your paretns to open an account with you, it is in their name but it is your account. Then he can't touch it. Go to welfare, and see what they can do for you. I am VERY proud of you for taking this 1st step. You are worth FAR more than this. He is the one that doesn't deserve you! So now you have made the 1st step, it is time to pick up the pieces - this includes writing EVERYTHING down that needs to be done. Similar to a renovation of sorts! You are now REBUILDING and RENOVATING your home and your life! Have a big clear out of everything that is his. Clean that house from top too bottom. And then start living in it again! Do you understand?> You haven't "LIVED" in that house for all this time. You died there!!!!! :'( So now it is time to claim it back for yourself and your children, AND your future - BECAUSE sweetheart there NOW is a future! A future without abuse, a future without pain, a future of being able to EXHALE! Go to the trhift stores, buy new sheets and give everything a scrub down. You ARE exhausted, and unfortunately you are turning to booze. BELIEVE ME!!!!!!! That is deffinitely not the answer. Because when you get sober, the problems are still there and you might have just made them worse!! I KNOW THat like you wouldn't believe!!

You are NOT crazy, you are NOT to blame, You are NOT and alchoholic, you ARE a women who is STRONG enough to kick out the LAMPRAY that has been sucking her dry for years - look up a picture of a Lampray, it will remind you of him ;-) XD! This isn't a man/woman thing, because women can be just the same. This is a power thing, a dirty excuse for being a "PRICK!!!" scuse my crudety.

One thing I want to say is this, WHEN he sees you becoming stronger etc, he might start coming around again. BE STRONG! Also he just might become more viscious, so IF he does, you have him arrested right away. Don't worry about the kids - I know they have probably wanted you to do that for years - BELIVE ME!!!! So take a bath, take a walk, take Valium ;-) o.O XD Just kidding. But KNOW you are on a set of stairs, and you haven't been able to climb them for years! But low and behold you just took the 1st step! Which is the hardest, and the others will come quicker and quicker. You have to go through the steps of grieving for this loss! That includes - anger, sadness, regret, hatred, self punishment etc. BUT you can do it, just expect certain emotions to come. AND put them in their place! If you can't deal with "guilt" today, tell it to wait! Remember that old song "RAIN RAIN GO AWAY COME BACK ANOTHER DAY!"? That wasn't about rain! Good luck my love, you WILL do this, getta cleaning. Not only the house, but yourself too. Clear out all that c**p!!! that was put on you ok!!!!? Keep intouch with me! And NO MORE drinking OK!!!!?
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Hi Bambi27. What you say is so true. My dad used to be a bit abusive with my mum and yes it sives through generation after generation.....Thankfully Ive stopped shaking but what a mess I was 5 mins ago.

A parental responsibilty paper is a legal document which would ensure him parental rights. This, I am lucky to say he has none of, as the act was put in place 2003. Luckily, I registered my children my second child oct 2002, and fist child 2000, so this new law is irrelevant to my situation..but I eill have tosee what the score is with the solicitor..When you register your children, now,, as a unmarried couple, both parents have parental responsibility. I would not and am not saying that I would ever deny my children the right to see their father, and also I can see why he would want me to sign such a paper. It gives him the right to medical reports (ok) but also the rights to address what clubs and after school activities they do,( Icant drive due to bad hand /eye coordination) my eyes are too bad ). what schools they go to..and also ..the carer for the child. So seeking advice on that one.

Youve concerned me a bit about "the first stages of menopause".at 32 is this true? Gulp! Thats not good, cause once the menopause has been and gone nature takes its course and its a road to being dust and ashes 6ft under or in a little box.

I rang my mum and well cried down the hone about it.....meanwhile shes just been to an optician and the opticain is worried that she may have glaucoma ( sorry not medical to spell).

Anyway, Ill restrict my alcohol intake....I would like to just stop, but finding my pacing around the house too much .

Youve said so much that I cant quite get my head round someof it as I am tired.but ..its not an option for us to live together anymore. Thanks for you rsupport.
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Sorry bambi, back again. really feeling unwell. grief stricken ( I guess that what youdcall it). Its reallly strange how far a person can take you , especially when emotionally involved. I just wanted to say a bigger thank you. You obviusly know what its like, and what it is about

My mum was hoping I could hold off from acting and so was everyone else, but the truth be told. i didnt want my children to go through puberty + homelife difficulty. Am I right to think , If I do it now , theyll adjust easier. I have great difficulty with adjusting to new things. I used to test myself, I used to be so bad I had to move houses /flats all the time.I dont really know why.

I really didnt have a good time at Uni at the end..and yes, it haunts me occassionally, but probably would not be a torture issue had this not happened. As when things did go wrong ( well In my book I failed my degree because of it) i was heading for a goog, very good 2;1 aimiing for a first in my 3rd yr, but by fourth yr, lived in a grooty bedsit was stalked and attacked. partner knew all this and knew I was snsitive to thingCertain things that make me even more anxious.Its almost as if I fed him my insecurities so he could use it against me. That is exactly how he thinks- sorry do not know if that makes any sense? Just came here as so sweaty and emotionally drained. I do not know how many times Ive logged on here today .moaning away...it not like I am suffering from a death threatining ilness-is it?

My oint being, I feeel like a total pain, but I need anoutlet. pls tell me, casue hes being good to me again...pls tell me this is definately the correct thing to do . As when hes nice hes very very nice...cracks jokes about my behaviur and even tries to make me laugh, ut I cant laugh . i feel like I ve lost something someone really close...I shouldnt be feeelinglike this, as I know its wrong. I want to throw up. I really feel I want to throw up.

The other reason ive come here is to say this, When I got my black eyes , i felt better as people could see the damage..usually its unseen and I wasnt being heard. I just hate this, and hate the fact that things will happen between my children and him ...he will probably dive into another relationship and get someone to cook a bun in the oven and hope its a boy. that thought , for my kids makwes me feel sick, but also the fact that hes never provided for them, truly speaking hes not. Do you know , the only property of his is the new flat screen telly. All other material goods have been provided for by either myself or help from my mums friends. Anway, I better go before he catches me here. Sorry to be such a pest, but I do reckon , hes going to make my life hell and I alsos reckon its going to take time. :-( :-( :-(
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\i am so sorry.But Iam going to bed,But been shaking allnight-scared!

Worried about my mum. She was told yrs ago that she had lupas-is glaucoma a part of it and everything else? Pls help/
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Hi Dafty! Stop being daft!!!! ;-) XD I'm originally from Yorkshire, so I can say that to you!! I cannot tell you what to do with this guy, but I think if you are asking someone to tell you, you know that it is NOT what you want. Because if it was, you wouldn't be asking anyone. Totally get about the black eyes! You can say - "SEE, SEE what he did to me?", but when it emotional or hidden physical abuse, you sound like your insane tellingother people. You are shaking BECAUSE you are contemplating taking him back. Your body is telling you LOUD and clear not too. Emotions and thoughts come out via our bodies right? Upset stomach, heart attacks etc. ANOTHER huge point I wanted to le tyou know is this, After all these years, you finally having it and kicking his sorry you know what out, has made him think more of you! Abusive people and people that cheat on their spouses, ALWAYS say that when they took them back after the 1st time, they lost ALL respoect for them. They know now that they can DO and SAY whatever they want, and you can blow smoke till the cows come home. BUT you are so weak you will NEVER stand up for yourself! And they have you!! And that is what is happening wiht him right now! Of course your mom wants you to stay, becasue she DID! And that's what that generation does and did.! This ISN'T about them, it's about you and your kids - sorry about the menopause comment by the way I thought I read that you were 44!!!! o.O XD ;-) Didn't mean to panic you!!LOL

As long as he's never hurt your children, if I were you I wouldn't keep him out of their lives. You can still arrange it that they see him, WITHOUT you being involved. So don't think that signing this paper is going to be a way of avoiding him. I think it would make it worse. fIF you show him that you are not bothered either way of him seeing your kids or not, that's aanother thing on your side. A grown woman should not be "scared" and you are! So what I totally get is that EVERYTIME your dad was abusive to your mom, it is in you, EVERYTIME he was abusve to you it reminds you of your dad, and you think "OMG!! I'm in this situation!!!!!!!" And then you start blaming yourself! I would hazzard a guess that either or both of your parents also drank! Because it is easier to explain things away when your drunk!!!!!!! I KNOW That 1st hand.

Glaucoma by the way is a curable and treatable eye condition, when caught early. Lupus is the diseas of a thousand faces, mostly related to Rheumatism and Arthritis. MANY older people get cattaracts and some get glaucoma, she will be ok!

Don' let this guy back in your home, if he goes and spreads his seed ALL over town, WHO cares?!!!!! You can't control him - OBVIOUSLY! Right?, so just control how you think about things in general. You are now a frightened scared shadow of your former self. WHO made you that way? Think about it! He did! And you let him - from years of listening and seeing what others did. ESPECIALLY in Britain, it seems the norm for crying out loud. That's why I stopped watching Coronation Street. They alwasy show the cheated on wife as some sort of nag! And because Kevin and Martin said their sorry!!! Everything should be OK!!! I couldn't handle it one more second. It's the 21st century, women HAVE to stand up for themselves and for their children. We AHVE to do whats right for us! NO ONE else. So get some rest, and take it easy on yourself. You will grieve the loss of this relationship, DOES NOT mean you have to accept it!!!
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Hi Bambi! Your amazing.Thanks for keeping me going. Yeah, I still feel a complatet wreck...wrinkly and nose looks huge.Feel like c**p and yes, a bit of despair. Though I was getting Parkinsons last night. My partner ( whose still here) looked a bit concerned.I just said"Acht < im tired andd itll be just the drugs"...Anyway, stopped shaking but very very on edge.

I just feel for this last we while ..its been all about me...trying to work it out.I know that sounds so stupid..when its so sorry but bloody obvious!!!!!!Some things , cause sometimes hes so incredibly good, that it was blinding. Do you know what I mean? Now, I compare it...and its not a margin on how I feel about things, but its a small anology.....Its a bit lie having a really playful dog....with a MUZZLE ( at the moment, in my case without a muzzle) Oh dont know if thats clear, but its how I am thinking a bout it now.

Woke early . hes taking the kids to school today which is the second time ever...thought thats not that bad .....Im working eary and then taking everything to my solicitors. I am scared Ill crack as I am so tearful...but Ive made my decision ...and I am not going back.

I found the first Photograph of my Alex, with forcep marks on her face...Even then, I knew it was never going to be perfect as much as I wanted it. It made me cry . I didnt sleep and I used feed her and just look at the moon and wish that my good old grandad was still around to see her. Alex , wel sometimes she looks at me....and I see my aunt, My aunt died from breast cancer and she ws one of the most lovin gwoman..Though I now resent my uncle.

I remeber her on her death bed, and he wouldnt even get off his fat big hairy butt to get her a drink. It was my mum and mysself that called the ambulance to get her off to haospital ...as she was drowning herself in her won juices . Couldnt breath. I am from Scotlan by the way...i dont know I guess its just all my negative emotions...but yeah she was taken to Alexandr Pavilion. They told her ..."It is perfectly normal" They even gave her the all clear...then gave her a tablet that was apparently ....a measure to prevent the cancer reocurring. Little did we know a week after that shed be dead. They lied, they knew she was comletely riddled with the beast, Well we were all unprepared and she dies. My grandad had to go to his own daughters cremation...anyway,,,,,I dont knkow why I am thinking about that...But maybe its cause my aunt had it hard and when things did get better for her .she got sorry to say it that bastard of an illness!!!! I guess I am afraid of that too. Selfish -eh?

Yes, Ive read about Lupus......It was my mum that said it was a degenerative disease.... i reckon I have it too.....In fact it one of these stupid things ...that its an excuse for ...something or nothing. Oh boy, that make so much sense _ not)

Anyway, I have a 3inch pile...documents to take to my lawyers, Probably want car e for it all. Im also taking my laptop ( Just in case) Pls god dont let me crack.

See, you are right about everything...because last night he showed his caring side, Ive now got that in my head...and I feel guilty cause I am hurting him........Really ill be crying anyminute,,Children...just feel like a miserable disappointment. Anyway, better go get ready. You mentioned its like a loss, its almost worse cause hes still walking about with no conscience to how he has hurt me, and to how it will inevitably change my babies lives. My little one, shes ony 6. Shes never going to feel security. She allready does some daft things..Sorry :-( :-( :-( Anyway, thank you for being so much of a support. i cant really quite believe how weak I have been . Ive been o nthis PC for ridiculously yrs, and to doctors, womans aid, Psychiatric nurse, and so on ...cant believe how weak I have been . Thanks again for your support. Its sill going to be hard . I know that . I cant imagine him actually leaving here-not without a great deal of grief.

Hey, I might even pluck the courage up to tall my dad. My dad is great with my kids , and his wives parents are dying at the moment, so that difficult. Maybe I shouldnt tell him over the phone . Sugar its 7am- I better go. Hugs and thank you so much. My name is Katy ..( sh) you never heard that ...and yes...I look 44...but im 32........Oh I am aiming to get him out before June, as the coucil are planning to give us a new kitchen :-D Take care. ( Youd make a good counselor, jut thought Id say)
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Hi Bambi, leaving now. i want be home until its started...That means the next time I see this Pc I will have started things moving. Scared and been to the toilet twice with the you know wots, and thought I was going to be sick, stopped myyself. Just hope I dont throw up at work ....as its a promo busy work day argh!!!!!!! Shattereed. Thanks Bambi, hope I am still alive once I put things in motion. 8)
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I have no back bonme. I set legal aid aup and my solicitor did ask if I wanted to put a interdict report out - but sheer panic o.O and if I do this it want be on talking grounds. I was hoping we could manage to stay , or be able to talk to one another. If the kids have a proble, ( etc) But I guess thats just madness, I just thought that is in the girls best interests as it can be quit damaging for themwhen there is no communication betweenparents. I am confused. And by the sound of things it doesnt really make a jot of difference signing those papers. I am thinking maybe sign them and then things willmove that wway , but I dont want otgive him any more credence ( if you know what I mean) I am real ly tired today so sorry for all this mumbo jumbo ...but argh!!! At leatst legal aids been set up - but ive been here before.
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