Hi I feel your pain :( I'm exactly the same and it's been happening to me for 8 years now. I am not an alcoholic at all , I don't crave it or plan it, I just like to drink socially with friends but my nights are always ruined when I do, because in the morning I wake up confused depressed anxious and recently suicidal :( that feeling passes usually the next day, I used to go out every weekend , but then I decided to stop drinking all the time and just go out once every so often , being last time I went out was my Christmas party ... I blacked out then aswell,,, it's now April and I went out last night, didn't even go to a club I was in the pub for a few hours watching football drinking bottle beers , and I had 1 shot apparently, don't remember !! Can't remember walking home or anything !! This is really starting to bring me down because I don't want to go out anymore and I distance myself from my friends because I can't have good nights like they have, mine are always ruined :( I would love to be able to have a few glasses of wine in a friends house and then go out clubbing, meeting people, dancing taking pictures etc, but I never can cause usually I don't make town cause the 3 or 4 glasses of wine before town make me so drunk I can't go out and I don't remember my friends putting me to bed, I just wake up the next day and no one is there and I'm not even sure if I went out or not! Is there something wrong with me ?? Please someone reply cause I need help!! Should I speak to my doctor?? And I promise I am 100% not an alcoholic !! I just want to enjoy a few drinks at the weekend with friends after a long hard week at work, instead I isolate myself away cause I'm afraid to go out cause I black out or even say mean words or even hurt someone and I won't remember :((( looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this xxx