Hello, so first I want to share my story. I have been reading this site for two days now and I have to tell you all, it is nice to know that others know what I am going through right now, not that I wish this on anyone, but reading others posts on quitting opiates has been encouraging to say the least, sort of like a cyber NA meeting :-) . So about three years ago, I started to develop chronic leg and joint pain, I waited 2 months then finally went to a doctor, they told me it was probably just stress so to exercise and he gave me flexeril and Ibuprofin, well it didn't help, my pain got worse and it seemed all my joints hurt, finally went to see another doctor, they said its depression and wanted to prescribe me antidepressants, I WAS NOT depressed, and side effects seemed horrible so a friend recommended vicoden, whoalla, no pain.
I started taking them daily for pain and two years and four doctors later after I continuously told the doctors something was really wrong with me and I would sometimes cry cause my joints and muscles hurt so bad, this doctor sent me to a Rheumatologist, she figured out in ten minutes that I have a painful condition called benign joint hypermobility syndrome, basically my body does not make enough collagen and so my joints are very weak and my bones sort of rub together, and my muscles tighten to try and support my weak joints. Its like bad arthritis, very similar. She prescribed me tramadol, then took me off it after two months told me my primary care has to give it to me, I didnt have a PC Dr at the time no insurance so i continued getting them off the street, after getting one he tells me that SHE is the one that has to prescribe them to me, I was so frustrated and confused.
After so much frustration with doctors, begging them to help me with a pain management system them saying they've tried everything, which I guess everything meant flexeril, ibuprofin and tramadol, they said to just live with it. I was so frustrated I even asked them for anything it didn't have to be narcotics I told them, they said they knew that is all that will take away my type of pain but that they can't prescribe them to me because of the addictive aspect, even though I've already been taking vicoden and was already addicted. So I would get my pills from friends and it cost me, well here I am three years later and I have went from vics to percocet or oxys, to now heroin cause I couldn't afford the pills anymore. I hate it! I wake up everyday trying to figure out how to get the medicine or I should call them drugs, if I havent bought a supply, and I can't do anything without them. I feel the drug has so much control over me. I had NO clue that they were this addicting when I first started, I just wanted my chronic pain to go away and I felt the doctors really didn't try their best to put me on something so I had to get it off the streets. So for the first time ever I have decided to quit all of it.
This is the fifth day for me. I'm doing it at home. The withdrawals are horrible as anyone knows who has went through it. The first three days I took a clonazapam here and there, like 1mg a day in pieces, could not eat anything, pewking, sweating, fever of 100, blah blah you gise know the horrible symptoms, I took one 500 mg vicoden on day three just to try and ease it for a lil while, it didn't even touch the withdrawals, I think day three and day four have been the peek of the withdrawals. So today is day 5 since I have planned to quit, I felt a little better when I woke up, then an hour later felt really dizzy, hot cold flashes again, just really sick again, and I ate a bit then went to sleep. By the way Ive been taking vitamins, lots of water, tea, and hot baths and started to eat on day 3. I woke up and still felt like c**p, a little better though.
SO HERES THE PROBLEM I NEED HELP WITH :::
Then someone came over, Ive been screening the people that knock to not let anyone who does opiates in, I haven't driven to go get it like I usually would, and I haven't called anyone to come and give it to me, but this person that came over had some oxy and asked if I wanted one cause I "look like hell" I said yes :$ and I told myself that quitting cold turkey maybe wasn't the best idea. Maybe I should have weened more instead of just pretty much quitting cold turkey, I was taking like either 60 mg of percocet or oxy a day or 5-10 dollars worth of heroin a day which is 0.05- 0.1 gram a day. They gave me a 60mg, and I took 30mg. I didn't get high off it it just stopped my withdrawals for a few hours. Well its 2 am and I feel better, still hot and cold here and there but now I'm scared that I only feel better cause I took that oxy which was 10 hours ago, and now I'm going to have to start from scratch, start form day one all over again, is this true? I just thought a ween may help, like a tiny bit like a took today, and maybe the other half in two more days, then no more. Did I just F up? Am I gonna start from day 1 all over again now. Please help, did I just way go way backwards and have to go through all of this again when I may have very well been very close to being done with these withdrawals. Advice is much appreciated, and please no methadone or suboxone suggestions because I've seen people withdraw from those for like a month and they said it was way worse then heroin or oxys or anything so I'm not goin that route.
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE,