I had 2 abortions. The first time it was an accident and decided to have an abortion cause I was scared of my family. But now looking back I think is just insecurity that I had. And I think that's really everyone's reason that decided to do it by choice. We are insecure that can't handle life challenges with a baby. We are afraid to confront our family, to confront life's challenges; like working or going to school and doing all these necessary things with a baby. I think that's in fact the real reason why most of us have abortions. The second time I had a different reason and I really didn't know if I was reasoning at all. I was extremely sick. So sick I was dying. Turns out the baby might had been sick too. Well, after remembering everyday my abortions. Crying almost all the time for them I finally had come to terms with accepting what I did. After that I became pregnant twice and both ended up in miscarriage. Now I'm pregnant again and very sick again. This time like my previous two pregnancies I will let the pregnancy take is natural course. But being pregnant again and realizing how sick I get I had come to understand that in my case being pregnant is not the right thing for me because I get very sick all the time. The only time I didn't get sick was with my first pregnancy. After that, every pregnancy is more like an illness than a pregnancy. And I'm suffering a lot cause I'm just too sick. I'm even taking medication prescribed by my OB but is barely helping. Every day is a struggle for me but that's what I get for wanting to have a baby after regretting my abortions. The lesson I learned is not to try to get something that obviously is not turning out for you. I had 2 abortions, and then 2 miscarriages and 3 out of those I was sick and now pregnant again and sick. It seems that pregnancy is not for me and now I understand that things happen for a reason. And if I had 2 miscarriages I should have left it at that. It was not for me. Forgive yourself and when the time comes you will become pregnant and have a child. If you believe in God, God will forgive you and if is convenient for you, he will give you a child at the right time. Also, if you have any faults, like I do, just fix those faults and become a better human being. I think I had become a better human being cause of my losses. If we didn't keep our children we can keep the lesson and just be a better person. I know what your feeling. I been there. Surround yourself with love to overcome this. I'm praying for all of you.