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This is going to be long, please read all.. I am 22 years old and June last year of 2012 I broke up with my partner of near to 2years. The relationship lacked respect anymore on both parts and just wasn't healthy. I did what most young girls do my age enjoyed life went on holiday went on couple dates and partied a lot.. In October 2012 a colleague from work approached me and asked me out for a drink, we'd spoken a couple times had a few laughs previously and thought why not it's only a drink, don't expect anything from it and enjoy myself. I'm not a person that easily let's people in, I will have laughs with people and enjoy company but don't like to get attached. So me and my colleague went for a drink eventually had a great night he made me laugh so much he wasn't really my cup of tea at 1st but there was something about him that drawed me in, I think maybe because I'd felt alone for quite a while and it was nice to have something in common with someone. The was defiantly chemistry there.. We went on a few more dates and before I even knew it we was seeing each other a couple weeks later. We was both so carefree with our head in the clouds. Everything moved so fast within a month he was around my house everyday it's my own fault I know, I'm such a person that wants everything now and so was he.. We was jus planning our life's together .. I've never been like that in my life it was fun at the time. We started to have sex and I have always been so careful I was on the evra patch but came of it, I wanted a child with my ex but he was very grounded and planned everything did things right. Sex was amazing with my colleague at work I can even say the best.. We got so carried away in our bubble, after 6weeks sounds mad me even writing this! I just didn't care we was having unprotected sex I obviously knew what I was doing at the time I'm not stupid and all my life I have argued the fact that I don't agree with abortions! I'd never conceived in my life or even knew if I could. After 2months the bubble popped for me and my work colleague where just dreamers I knew that together my life just wouldn't be the way I wanted it. He was lovely he'd do anything I asked I know he was in love with me but after so long I started to compare him to my ex everything he done and I knew it was my ex of near to 2years I wanted. My ex never lost faith in me after 6months of not being together I knew he still loved me . I know his attitude had changed because he realised too how much he loved me he was never bad to me just his tongue I couldn't handle anymore. On dec 15 2012 I called things off with the guy at work, I knew I didn't feel right. He was a gentleman and left me alone even tho he hurt. After a week I started talking back with the ex again and soon as I did I knew it was him I wanted everything fit into place again I wasn't lost I knew what I wanted in life just I was complete and I've always had the saying if you leave it's obviously for a reason so stay gone .. But with him I knew I was made for life. By 23 December 2012 I was back with my ex. We enjoyed Xmas together we was so in love again and we now have that barrier of understanding. On jan 3rd 2013 I knew I was due on that week and randomly I don't know what came over me I went to boots an brought a pregnancy test and on the morning 4th jan 2013 the pregnancy test came positive I was screaming crying I couldn't stop. Immediately my mum was like have an abortion my partner will never now. Shes not the best at advice! I told my current boyfriend who the baby wasn't his and he said he'd be their if I had the abortion as he knew what I believed in and how hard it would be for me. I told the father the guy from work and he said he'd be there for me either way i kno deep down he just wanted me and a family but i loved my current boyfriend. I had a week off work and that whole week I completely fried my own brain one min I was having it the next I wasn't! My options where 1: have the baby do it alone not have a man around because my current boyfriend I.e was ex couldn't stay around for me to have someone else's baby he was so hurt !! Which was understandable or 2: have the abortion do it right next time and live with the guilt! I went with option 2 I know it was the right decision but I am so annoyed,angry, upset and disappointed with myself for allowing this to happen I was so caught up in my bubble I lost site of everything I believed in! It was a week ago tomorrow I had the abortion on 16/01/2013 and all I do is cry! I know I made the right choice bringing a child into the world with a broken home immediately and not ever having a full blood sibling was not what I wanted for my child and having children with different dads!.. 200% it would have been loved but I kno it just wasn't right. I cry because I did it, it was real it was a baby to me even tho I was only 6weeks my heart is now aching for a child and my current Boyf wants children with me but wants me to wait a couple months but I feel that is ages away because I yearn so much for a baby with him .. I've had a sh*t start to the new year I want to move on but I've screwed up so much I don't what to think ... I've hurt myself the guy from work and my current boyfriend deep down! It's hard to be a Christian this day and age but on my death bed I know I will be scared for doing what I have done!

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Dear Crooke123, what the Hell is wrong with you??????? I don't understand how someone in this day and age can become pregnant unless they want to. You'd have to be stupid not to know about birth control. I had 2 miscarriages before my first son was born. I was devastated. I loved my children even before they were born. I still love the two I lost because I know they were alive, they were in me, and they were a gift from God that was taken away too soon. I saw my first son's ultra-sound when I was only 12 weeks pregnant. There wasn't much to see, and you had to look very hard, but there was a little beating flap of flesh that was his heart. Anyone who says that life does not start with conception is crazy wrong. I am married and it is not a happy, loving relationship. It used to be, but my husband has cheated on me and hurt me in so many ways that the love is just not there anymore. HOWEVER, I am responsible for my 2 boys. I helped to create them and I will take care of them until the day I die. You cannot just go about your life thinking that you are in a "bubble". The things you do, the decisions you make, effect everyone around you. It's not all about you. Grow up. I hope and pray that you never, ever have children. How can you be so selfish? I know it's not PC to be Pro-Life anymore, but I am and I think what you did was terrible. God forgive you. 

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Wow, that first reply was horrific. How dare you judge this poor girl? Darling I think you did the right thing in the end, a few months isn't long to wait and the complications you described have been eliminated. While a baby is the greatest blessing, it is also a huge responsibility and you have a responsibility to that little person to provide the best and happiest life possible. Of course you are grieving, it is completely normal and understandable and you should be allowed to let it out in a healthy way. Keeping and loving a baby is a wonderful thing at the right time and we're lucky that we live in a day and age that you can make this decision. Be proud of yourself, you are clearly a mature and intelligent human being. Can I ask, what was it that made your ex change his ways? My partner and I are currently experiencing what you were before you left him for that period. I'm awaiting blood hCG to confirm or not and am struggling with what I'll do should it be a positive result. He's a wonderful man but we swing between madly in love and loathing eachother within the same hour. It's painful and frustrating and I am unsure what I will do... And again; shame on you, first replyer - you reference religion yet you feel at ease judging someone openly. I'm an atheist, so I guess I'll see you in hell.
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Hi, I agree with Ams. That first reply was horrific and no-one should judge you. We are all humans, and human beings make mistakes. We have all done things which we wish we hadnt, been confused and lost our way from time to time, but please dont beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself.  Like you I had a termination 2 weeks ago (2-3-2013) and im still grieveing my loss, eventhough i know i made the right decision. My oral contraception failed and my partner of 12 months who said he always wanted children freaked out and left me, said he wasnt prepared and wouldnt support me emotionally. i already have an 8 year old son and was a single parent prior to meeting my partner.  Like you i was confused, first i convinced myself i would keep the baby and do it alone again, then i changed my mind. 3 times i was booked in for a termination and 3 times i didnt turn up. I was 8 weeks pregnant when i finally went through with it. I know for myself i did the right thing but it still hurts me so much and its something i have to live with for the rest of my life. The guilt is horrendous and only we know what we feel inside and what emotions we are going through. Its not a decision most women take lightly. When the time is right for you and your emotions are more settled, you will go on to have another baby with your partner. Just take time to heal first and when the time is right, you will be fine. Good luck to you and ignore anyone who makes you feel bad for the decisions you have made. 

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For the person who 1st replied I am appalled for you to try kick a person when they are down you are no better than me! I refuse to explain myself to you! What goes around comes around and your bitterness will eat you up not me! So take care For Ams and Guest Thank you in replying its been 2months and 2days since my procedure and I still haven't had a period yet which is getting me down before the termination my periods where like clock work but fingers crossed my body gets back to normal soon. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriages Ams I've read a lot about them and I hope you conceive soon because I'm sure your just worrying yourself but we have to wait for our body's to do what they need to do all in good time. I still don't believe in abortions and I am the biggest hypocrite I know but my circumstances where just all wrong. When my time comes again I want it to be perfect to give my babies the best I can give them and everything I went without I know I was stupid and I live with my mistakes everyday which I know I deserve. I hope god can forgive me and when my time comes again I hope I can prove to him why I did what I did .. Regarding me and my partner, what goes wrong is he gets comfortable I'd do anything for him and the same he would with me but when his tone of voice gets rude or speaks down to me because he has had a bad day is not acceptable. If the world gets you down its your partner you run to for understanding, to talk about it not get them down as well .. I am a firery character and when we got together he was the person who calmed me down. Now he can be the person that winds me up and that isn't healthy for anyone. Relationships take hard work and that's what we are trying to put in. Even if we don't work out in the end I know what I did was right. The person who I fell pregnant for needs to grow into a man still, he's turnt nasty and I'm glad I went with my instincts even though they felt wrong at the time .. I hope you and your partner Ams work it out stay strong always and i wish you the best thank you for replying Guest you have made me feel good too, hearing support when u feel so down can really help you move forward in life. SteadyHealth has helped me a lot and I honestly wish you both happiness :) Take care
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Sorry Ams got confused with the 1st id**t who replied with the miscarriage ignore what I wrote about that! x
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You are awful first replier. Get off this site.
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