I don't know where to start off. I had 3 abortions my first abortion was in 2009 and the following 2 that same year. I am not going to sit here and lie but at that time I did not have God in my heart. I grew up in a Catholic family but was never really into the religion itself. I was separated from God since I was approximately 15 up until I was approximately 27.
I wish I would had been strong enough to go on with my pregnancies and not did what I did. No one tells you that your baby already has a heartbeat nor they show you their lil heartbeat in the ultrasound. I wish I would have known what I know today and have the knowledge I have today regarding Pro-Life.
In 2012 I became pregnant a fourth time but knowing more about abortion really was I decided to keep the baby. When I was 6 months pregnant I had a miscarriage because I had a eptomic pregnancy. I got to carry my baby and saw the full formed baby when I had the miscarriage. I have my baby buried at a cemetery.
I was so stupid for being in love with the wrong guy and sleeping with another guy which at that time I really had no feelings for but ending up pregnant from him 3 times from him. The first thing that came to my mind when I found out I was pregnant was if I keep this baby I will lose forever the love of my life and I can't afford to do that (How stupid and naive was I to think that way)
It's been approximately 7 years ago and for the past three years my life is not the same. I am suffering from severe depression and am not a happy person. I get angry at everyone and everything. Almost everything or anything bothers me and I snap so quickly at almost anything.
There is not one day that doesn't go by in which I regret what I have done. Whenever I see babies I can't stop to think back and imagine what my babies would have looked like.
I can't forgive myself and don't know if God will forgive me for being a selfish human being. I fear the Lord so much now and know I have disobeyed him in many ways.
To anyone who is thinking about having an abortion for God sake don't do it. This will haunt you the rest of your life like you have no idea. No matter how many times you cleanse yourself and shower you will still feel dirty because the guilt and shame will always be there to remind you of the horrible act you did. There are so many resources out there to help you out if you don't want the baby. Families that can't have babies are willing to provide you the resources financially until you have the baby. I pray that you will make the correct decision and not take the life away from that innocent angel.
I wish just wish we were able to make time go back so I could've kept my babies.
May God bless you and I hope you give your baby the opportunity to live.