Finding it hard to cope with the effects that have taken toll on me since then.
Im 18 and been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.
I didnt feel quite right at the time and decided to go to the doctors for advise,
when i found out i was pregnant i didn't know what to make of it and told my boyfriend.
at that time he had nothing to say but smirked.
i was certain of having this baby but when we got the talking he said he doesn't know if he can be 100% supportive and might end up leaving me and the baby in the future.
We got the scan done and it turns out im 14 WEEKS pregnant, meaning im in my second trimester.
ive always been against abortion and still consider it as murder, but he wasnt supportive enough...
but promised me that he'll make sure im happy and we get another baby once we were ready.
Once i went to the doctor, i didnt know it was a entirely different procedure.
I had pills inserted inside me so i could eventually push her out.
it wasnt so much the physical pain but the emotional barrier and realizing that im killing my baby.
it took a long 12 hours inserting pill after pill and finally when i had to push her out, i felt her body pressed again mine with her little hands and feet.
I couldn't help but break down, I'ts been a month since and im not the same.
i dont expect to be the same but when my boyfriend doesn't keep me happy something else takes over me, a side i never hoped myself to become. One that I never hoped myself to become, I become hopeless, naive and you can someone say psychotic.
My mind stops thinking, all I am aware of are my surroundings and the people around me but still my mind is some what not functioning or behaving how it should feel.
The worst part is waking up from everything looking at what I’ve done or what the other side of me has done.
I just need him to be there for me, but thats not certain and is wishful thinking to think that he'll always make me happy and the scariest part is when times go back one day maybe the other side of me will come back, taking over and stopping at nothing but to take control.
Has anyone felt this way or been in the same situation?
Have you ever heard Jesus forgives everyone? Forgive yourself! I did I jave had 4 abortions! And I dont think that your "boyfriend" is helpful or the one for you! I left mine! I had 2 abortions with my fiancee right now but I got prwgnant while on the ring the first time and the second time was realllyyy unspected because we barely had sex! And we had jusy moved in together amd I had no job! It was hard but I know I sinned and God can forgive other people Im sure we are good!! Rethink if your partner is the right person for ypu though!