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I met my boyfriend, Chris, by a now FORMER friend since it's his little sister at my first job. His whole family have grown up in a WHOLE different lifestyle that I'm not use to at all. They've been struggling with money for years and live in the so called "ghetto" (Cockroaches in their apartment, people fighting outside all the time, etc). In my lifetime, my family had never struggled really, have always lived in a HOUSE in a priveleged area, and I have been able to pretty much get anything I've wanted.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a little over 2 months and he always have had trust problems with me especially since his ex of 6 months had cheated on him with his best friend. I was living at his place for about 2 weeks and we would pretty much argue every night from the same factor. He does not trust me at all.

"I saw that look in your eyes when you looked at that guy! If you did it one time I wouldn't trip but once you kept doing it over and over again I got the point! I now know that you have it in you!"

"What the heck are you talking about???? What did I do?!?!?"

"You know what you did!"



Silly things like that. He'd always leave me in his room to sleep alone whenever we'd get mad at eachother which hurts me ALOT.

I ended up cutting more from just being so depressed over there.

He knows that I hate being alone. Last Thursday night I spent the whole night crying in his bathroom to the fact that he didn't come back in his room from a stupid fight.
He was suppose to bring me home food from work that night and I haven't eaten since that afternoon. He came home with no food so told me he'd be right back to make me something.
About an hour later, I came out of his room to find that he was eating something for himself so I just said screw it. I'll make my own food. I suck at cooking and ended up dropping whatever I was making onto the floor on accident and had a b*tch fit and went to his room.

At about 2AM he made something for me.
I was not hungry anymore at that point.


"EAT IT!!!"

He would tell me and I refused to so he left me in his room to sleep by myself.

In the morning I was upset so I decided to call my childhood/best friend in his bathroom about whats been happening with the both of us on how he constantly thinks I'm cheating on him and that I try to purposely press his buttons to get him mad when those are SO not my intentions.
I started to tell her about what happened the other night and once I got to the part where I had to make my food myself I heard his sister outside the door saying,

" Make your own food B**CH!"

At first I thought she was just playing around with me until I opened up the door.

"Don't be talking sh*t about my brother! Shut the f- up b*tch! Shut the f- up b*tch!"


Once I closed the door to the bathroom my whole body started to shake. I had never been yelled like that from a person I THOUGHT was my friend in my life. Where I live NO ONE would have reacted the way she did but I still have to realize that that's the only way she knows how to defend herself. It also hurts me is that she didn't even hear the whole situation and just automatically assumed that I was talking bad about her WHOLE family. I know she was trying to stick up for her brother but it really wasn't neccessary how she took it. I immediatly started to cry. My friend was astonished at what she just heard his sister said to me.

I was not talking bad about him in anyway. I was just getting sick of being hurt by him. Nothing derogatory came out of my mouth like I HATE HIM.
I called my mom to pick me up after that happened since I haven't seen her for weeks. I talked with Chris for about 2 hours in his room afterwards. We decided to go on a break and told me that most likely we'll get back together; we just need time to ourselves for now.

We said our goodbyes that and said I love you to eachother.

That evening when my mom had picked me up she took me out to eat and while eating I saw a guy and I literally felt like throwing up and couldn't eat anymore.
That how manipulating my boyfriend had gotten towards me.
I can't even stand looking at another guy, thinking that he'll think that I'm cheating on him without HIM even being THERE!

2 days ago I get a text from his little sister while I was over at my friends house about I disrespected her family and home, saying I weigh 10 pounds (which is funny because she would always be envious and tell me about how much she wants a flat stomach like mine), saying that I need to take a shower....etc.
My friend messaged her to refrain from talking to me like that.

His sister started to tell her that she's in a gang and all this c**p to try to scare her. My friend wrote pretty much a letter telling her that it's not up to either her or his sister to determine what will happen with me and my boyfriend's relationship and had not cussed at her nor provoked her in anyway in the letter/text messages.

The next day (Sept. 2nd) I woke up to read my messages and apparently she did not get the point. I called up Chris to tell him to tell his sister to back off and to stop calling and trying to cuss out my friend.

The first thing he asked was what was my friend's name.
He already thought I was hanging out with another guy.
Ugh.


He did once he got home from work then she sent me a text AGAIN saying that why am I snitching like a little b*tch.
I ended up changing my phone number.


What hurts me the most is that I actually use to consider her as a friend :cry: .


Now I think that she will think that I'm scared or something when really I was just fed up. All my friends were.
The thing I'm most worried about is that she might try to convince her brother to not get back with me in every single way.

I know she'll try to convince him that I've cheated on him which will forsure make him start thinking.

I just don't know what to do.
I'm upset, stressed out, and hurt.
I love him and everything just went wrong.

He doesn't have my phone number anymore since I changed it and my birthday is on the 20th and will hopefully do something on that day with him but most of my friends are considering me to give him my number this upcoming Sunday instead of 2 days before my birthday or he'll be even more insecure about me cheating on him since I just showed up and called him when I wanted to.

I mainly just don't know whether it's worth it to stay with him but then to not give up that easily.
My mom says I deserve someone WAAAY better who could offer me more AKA that doesn't live in the ghetto and knows exactly what he wants to do with himself.
I know I do but something inside of me keeps telling me to stay and not to give up that easily.

Please help.
I really don't know what would be the best choice for myself.

Whether I should still try to pursue our relationship or leave it how it is.
If I do get back together with him I want to make sure to stay away from his family and to let our relationship to be COMPLETELY private unlike before since his sisters always knew whenever we'd have an arguement.

I really don't know what to do since I've never been in this situation.
Especially with someone who doesn't know how to trust me.
I heard the saying of you marry the person then you marry the family but what happens if the family hates you?

:cry:

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Hi Lx4Life18,

I really hate to say this, but I think you should just stop dating this guy PERIOD !!! It doesnt sound healthy to me. I dated a boy long ago whom just STARTED to try and pull these things on me. He apparently thought he could push me down on his bed, and I (being 6'1) picked him up with 1 arm, and warned him to never THINK of that agian then I broke up with him, and NEVER saw him again.

I do not accept anyone treatinig others that way. You are Gods little girl, and this is NOT the way He would have someone treat you. Dont listen to that rubbish about someone saying ugly things about you. Most people who dont like themselves very much will say things and do hurtful things to take the focus off themselves.

Please dont hesitate to post me and let me know how you are doing. Sorry if I sound like a mom, I am....and I just dont like seeing others hurt. My very best friend was ALMOST killed from a man whom started and continued that garbage with her. I havent heard from her in a year.....I hope shes allright.

I wont lie, it might hurt your heart for a little while, but "This too shall pass"

Blessings to you sweetie,
Let me know how you are, ok?
Hizgrace
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Hizgrace speaks the truth.

The game of love is rarely easy, but it doesn't need to be so hard. Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships. Jealousy and trust cannot coexist within a healthy relationship.

A close friend of mine married a guy that had trust issues like Chris. He was great to hang out with, awsome sense of humor, he just seemed like a real stand up guy. I knew there were problems in their relationship before they wed, but she always stood up for him saying they were working on it. I found out the truth shortly after they divorced. He had her so afraid to even look at another guy that she would refrain from leaving the house. This still did not fix it. In one of their fights, he threw a knife at her head and it hit her with the butt end (lucky). All this because of his insecurity. His defence was 'she always pushes my buttons, it drives me crazy'. As Hizgrace said, it is unhealthy.

Pease let us know how you are doing..
Good people are always here to help :-)
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These guys are absolutely right! It's not about him living in the ghetto-it's about the ghetto living in him. It starts like that then they try to control everything about you including your thoughts and if you don't stay strong and get out ASAP they succeed! Next thing you know he's giving you a black eye while his sister watches, eggs him on and says things like "that's what you get, b***h!".

Nobody should be treated like that and it may take time but I was in a relationship with a man that never trusted me. I thought it would get better, but it only got worse and despite that I held on for almost 4 years. I feel like I wasted so much of my life with him. Hell, I did! I regret letting him treat me and my family so badly every day of my life and I hope you don't have to feel the same.

Now I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever experienced and this man has never called me names, never yelled at me and NEVER tries to control me. He treats me with the utmost respect as I do him and I know you can have the same...just please get away from him. Take care!
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1 Get a restraining order against this "man" and his entire family 2 Don't cut yourself over him, it does no good, and it doesn't hurt him, he doesn't really care 3 Believe in yourself, you are a beautiful, intelligent, valuable person.
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Man it's been over a year. I hope that you have done the right thing since. I hope you are not still with this guy. Sounds like those text book examples from health class about the cycles of abuse.
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Trust all the other posters I was going out with a girl and she didn't want anybody to know and one of my friends totally agrees with me and just dump the guy you shouldn't cut more because of him
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Its been over a year now and I am hoping that you ditched that guy and found someone who actually cares about you.
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Ya. he isn't worth your time sweetie. <3

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Just want to say I am so sorry you (or anyone) would have to go through such mental torment. It would be wise to consider counseling; to both you and him, but more so for you. You yourself seem to have some underlying issues that are trying to pique out from under the surface, i.e. the reason for the cutting. Until you deal with those issues, you may find yourself in the arms of another man just like this one, or one much worse than him.

 

Take care.

 

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Dear, first things first, he's got insecurity issues. He's still a boy and not a man regardless of his age. If you date a boy, you should expect a boy's treatment: silly arguments, fights, getting beat up, his family deciding what happens in your relationship etc. He isn't worth it. Second, your happiness shouldn't be dependent on anyone as its obvious by what he does. You need to keep improving yourself and your thought pattern then be patient as the right man will come along. Don't stay in an abusive relationship for whatever reason. Do you know how to run? You HAVE to do it BOLT style! Your mom is right, he doesn't deserve you. By the way, I'm a guy so I know. Don't give him any chance at all (be it second, third or whatever), he'll treat you worse then you'll say had I known.
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I'll be praying for you

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What a do*uche bag. Dump him, end of story it will never work out.
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