I fell in love with much younger man

It can be fun but I don't recommend it as I am coming out of one of these relationships right now and there is a huge price to pay eventually, especially if you invest emotionally. My man is not 21...I am 63 and he is 50. But he might as well be 21 as immature as he has turned out to be and as selfish and needy as he has turned out to be. All this didn't come to light for at least 6 months so I had a great time until reality set in and now I am a big shaken and confused.

 

I am the writer for the question re the 21yr old. I guess we have to go into this type of arrangement deattached emotionally if possible. But sex and chemicals it releases has a way of getting to us. From my previous dates with younger men, I had to constantly reminds myself that he is just for sex. But even then I think about him a lot. I find that they may be fun but not emotionally fulfilling. I would date younger men again rather than men my age as they look so old. But there has to be a moral boundary. Is 21 and 47 too much of a gap?? I think the thought of he could be my son would put me off from climaxing.

It is hard because you probably will be wondering what he or others or even yourself actually feels. I don't know if I personally would feel comfortable with having someone "just for sex" but if that's what you guys decided, ok. I love love love developing a relationship. It is the connection of two people in every aspect that I value. Without that, I would not be involved cuz it's so complicated and people get hurt, and outside people have their opinions, and future thoughts... all that. HARD.

He's not your son, so you're fine.

I agree with that: "He's not your son so you're fine." That is so simple! My friend is 7 years older than my son and five years older than my daughter. But he not my child; he is my lover!

I understand. I am in a simliar situation. (30-50 with my small children and grown children, he has none) Except at this point in time, only a few of my family know: my parents and my sister, and then one close friend. However, none of these people have met him. I have only given details to my sister, not even my close girl friend. I don't want anyone's opinion really until I figure it out for myself. I totally love this man yet we are still getting to know each other from a different perspective since we moved out of the friend zone. 

I don't believe I have a "just for sex" thing going on like so many have mentioned with their younger man situations. That would break my heart. However, I do know that our relationship is fulfilling a big thing in both our lives and I appreciate all aspects of it. All of it. I wish I could fast forward and be at the place where hanging out with my kids was a normal thing. I want that so much! He would love them, and I would love for them to have an active, fun, and relational man in their life. But I don't know if it's wrong, and I don't want a daddy replacement for a temporary thing. So, I'm hesitant. I don't want a temporary thing at all to be honest. But many would think I'm crazy. 

As for how my adult kids would feel, I used to be so worried about it. Now I have gotten to the place where I realize I have one life. And I hate feeling expected to follow all the rules and be the perfect mom and put up with their dad's bad behavior, and have my happiness based solely in the raising of his children, and being there to meet every need. Oh my goodness I love my kids so much, but I don't think that I am supposed to be here only to serve my kids into adulthood. I believe that I am a person, capable of thought and interests, and plenty able to multi-task effectively. So, I'd like the chance to be happy!!!!

I understand. The thought of that hurts. I cannot imagine it!!!

I've been posting here on and off about my situation and at this point, I am reporting as follows: He has now met my mother. She's not crazy about the idea, but I'm 48 years old.... Lol. My older sister has met him... she's 60. She loves him. My favorite and younger sister and her 23 year old daughter have only seen pics on Facebook and know what I have told them. Meanwhile, I spend Thanksgiving with his father's side of the family and joined his mother's side of the family for their annual xmas get together at a hotel where they rent a bunch of rooms and hang out and eat out and stuff. Everyone loved me instantly and they accept me and don't care that he's 18 years younger than me, that we will not have children and that we probably won't even get married. I'll be 49 in March and could care less. I'm really happy. I love him so much and he loves me.

I have no idea where to start. About 8 months ago I posted about my younger man and how much I enjoyed the relationship with him. So much has changed in that 8 months. We are still together but I am amazed at insecure I have become. I've never been this insecure in my life and its driving me crazy. What started the insecurity is finding out that he thinks some of the women he works with are super hot...but wait, its important you know that the women he is speaking about are his age! He's now 19 and I'm 35. I always kind of figured that his love for the older woman did not prevent him from wanting to be with people his age. Its just now I'm always insecure when a cute young thing with a gorgeous body walks past us. To top it all off, he tries not to look almost too hard, to where its totally obvious! I know I should just let him go and enjoy being young. Here I am with two kids, 13 and 14, and working full time and expecting him to act like a 30 year old man when we all know it takes men much longer than us to grow up. I am making him miserable by constantly questioning everything he does. He can't even watch MTV without me making underhanded jokes about the "little girls" he is watching. Geez, I don't know why he just doesn't leave me. I mean, its hard enough to grow up and become  your own person, but I bet its twice as hard for him because of the way I treat him. Its to the point that I am snooping around behind his back to "catch" him cheating. We've been together now for over 2 1/2 years and my insecurities are growing stronger by the day. I even have a problem with him hanging out with his friends. I'm miserable and I'm making him miserable and I just want to end it. The age difference is starting to be too much for me. He's not even 21 yet, so just imagine what he will be able to do then! I need to let him live his life, as he chooses. I need to step out of the picture but my fear of him leaving is so overwhelming it makes me nauseous to think about it. I was married by the time I turned 19. I was married for 12 years, so I know what its like to miss your "party" years because you are tied down and I truly do not want him to resent me because I keep him trapped in the house like a prisoner. Afraid of the what the world has to offer him. I am convinced that he will break my heart one day....

21 years is nothing ur both adults . if ur single why not . id be a bit suspicious about him fancying u without a photoe .

Look, you can't live your life in fear of a guy breaking your heart, no matter HOW old or young he is. I mean, that possibility exists in ANY romantic relationship.

Take a deep breath and WAIT before that questioning in your brain pops out of your mouth. I have the same thing going on in my mind, but you must stop yourself or he will feel smothered and he will definitely leave you. Again, this is true of any aged man in any romantic relationship. Right? Much luck and hugs to you!

I posted this the other day, but wanted to put my name

I've been posting here on and off about my situation and at this point, I am reporting as follows: He has now met my mother. She's not crazy about the idea, but I'm 48 years old.... Lol. My older sister has met him... she's 60. She loves him. My favorite and younger sister and her 23 year old daughter have only seen pics on Facebook and know what I have told them. Meanwhile, I spend Thanksgiving with his father's side of the family and joined his mother's side of the family for their annual xmas get together at a hotel where they rent a bunch of rooms and hang out and eat out and stuff. Everyone loved me instantly and they accept me and don't care that he's 18 years younger than me, that we will not have children and that we probably won't even get married. I'll be 49 in March and could care less. I'm really happy. I love him so much and he loves me.

You are absolutely correct...I never thought about it from that point of view! Everyone that I've associated with since dating him (I no longer associate with them btw) assured me that he would break my heart and somehow between them and finding out that he is attracted to females his age, I've totally lost it. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and giving me an opportunity to see things from a different angle. Hugs to you too :)

:-)

Glad I could offer that to you!!

OMG. So I am not by myself.. I am also 48 and in love with a 30 yr. old man. We both are married and I never thought I would ever be interested in a younger man. He is married to an older woman by about 8 years. He said he has always been attractive to older women. It was love at first sight for me about two years ago. We never spoke until about 6 months ago and then started talking. We have been sleeping together for about 5 months. Our age difference doesn't bother us but being in an affair does. We both have our reasons to stay in our marriage and I really don't want to marry him at all. It sounds so wrong and imoral but I just want to love him and be with him once and a while. He struggles with this more than I do. He has a small child and mine are grown. He breaks it off and then a week later is back after me.It's very difficult but what do you do. You can't help who you fall in love with. You said people say you will be a mother to him. Well at any age we are mothers to our husbands at some point. Hedi, go with your heart.....