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Started dating my husband 5 yrs ago.  We got married 2 yrs in.  We're 41 now and at the time really wanted to start a family as soon as possible.  The baby business is on the  back burner for now (medical issues, work... long story).  What I am finding is that now that we're not constantly talking about babies and buying a home, we don't seem to have much in common.  I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert. He's conservative, I'm liberal  He loves solitude and desolate places, I will never, ever leave the city just to name a few.  All these differences which I thought were great are now really starting to bother me.  My first husband and I were very similar.  As a result we didn't get much accomplished.  My husbands serious and responsible nature was something I admired.  Now it feels like nails on a chalkboard most days.  

The other issue is there is a person from my past who never seems to really go away.  We grew up together.  We keep almost coming together but it never happens  We seem to have the worst timing.  After my last marriage ended we tried and went on a few dates.  He decided to chose someone else and marry her.  I moved on and met my husband and married him.  We've always remained friends (we have many mutual friends, our families still live where we grew up so we see each other often).  Hanging out more often has led to a rekindling of sorts.  Nothing has happened but we've started talking a lot more again and I already see the danger zone.  If no real tangible danger exists, at least in my own heart and mind.  

My husband and I have very different ways of enjoying ourselves. I don't force him to mine and he doesn't force me to stay at home with him which is his idea of a great time.  Combine that with my job which demands a lot of me we are living pretty separate lives these days.  

Honestly, I'm not sure what is happening.  Is it really this man that I love and always will no holds barred?  Or is it just that in contrast to my husband he's more my speed.  My friend and I have always been on the same wavelength.  I don't have to finish sentences and neither does he.  He knows how help me get through difficult times because he's been doing it for decades. My husband just makes me more agitated and on edge.  

I've talked to my husband about counseling and we are working on finding a therapist to help work on all of our differences.  But part of me doesn't even want to try.  I feel like I may have already decided I'm not in love with my husband and don't think that feeling can return. The other half of me thinks not only am I delusional, I'm a terrible person because the only way I get what I'm thinking about right now is by devastating two wonderful people who don't deserve this in any, way, shape or form.


Heading was changed by administrator and is incorrect.  I remained friends w a person I grew up with.  We almost had a relationship twice (teen years and again after my divorce in my mid 30’s).  My 1st husband and this person are not the same person.