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First I would like to say that I love my husband with all my heart. My husband and I have been together for 4 1/2 years and married for 11 months. I feel as if this all started when his sister moved in with her baby and boyfriend. a few months later her and I got into a huge fight and they moved out. Ever since then things have slowly gone down hill.  He has been extremely distant and cold with me. My husband then started spending more time on his computer (playing video games)and less time with me. Every time I try to talk to him we end up fighting. We can't even talk about whats for dinner with out fighting. I have been trying my best to make things work. I keep the house clean, clothes are always clean and I cook dinner when I don't get home to late. I'm also affectionate with him but he pushes me away.  He says I complain to much over things such as being spending to much time on the computer. I don't as if it's me complaining. It's me expressing my feels!

About 2 months ago I went to visit my friends and family in my house town. My best friend was up visiting at the same time. I have known him for 8 years and we dated a few times about 7 years ago. Things didn't work out with him because he moved away but we have always been close. I tell him everything and he does the same. While I was there he noticed that I wasn't happy. I could play it off to everyone else that I was just fine but he can read me well. Since that visit I felt as if my feelings for him have grown.

Two weeks later I did something crazy! I drove back to my home town for just the day because my best friend was getting on the plane the next day to go back home. Turns out the next day we decided to quit his job and move back. Since then I have felt extremely turn. I love my husband but he has been pushing me away for months! 

I normally drive to my home town once every 6 months but I decided to drive back down again last weekend. While I was there I spend the night at my friends house with my best friend. We slept on the floor together and cuddled the whole night. The next morning we were joking around and ended up making out. I don't regret it at all. I feel bad but at the same time I'm upset with my husband. My best friend and I agreed that even though we have strong feelings for each other we will remain the same. (best friends) I know I will always love him and he will forever me in my life but at the same time I'm married now. I need to suppress my feelings. 

Since I got home my husband and I are barley on speaking terms. He said he wasn't pissed off that I left for the weekend. That he enjoyed the time alone. My pets seemed more excited to see me! He was still pissed off at me for the fight we had 4 days prior to me leaving. Which to be honest I can't recall what it was concerning. I just don't understand what I should do. Right now I'm trying to give him space. How do I fix things? How long do I put up with this?

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You obviously sought out comfort from another man, that was a no no. No matter how ugly things get at home, finding comfort from another is not a good idea. With that said...was your husband on board when you had the fight with his sister and she moved out? Or....was he against it? In many cases, blood is thicker than water and if your marraige is wobbly in the first place, it won't take much to tip the scales.

It's never a good idea to have an x be a best friend and confidant, because of exactly what you two did together. It will not stop there, trust me. Does your husband know about this "best friend"??? You told your best friend about your problem's at home and he saw that you were sad, he acted on that, and so did you. When you say that you don't regret it, that bother's me a little. You say that you love your husband, but it doesn't sound like your in love with him anymore. Eventually, you will find your way back to this person over the slightest uprising at home, if your husband forget's to put the seat down on the toilet, that could be enough to send you back to your x.

I see problem's coming in your direction, fast. You will find any excuse you can to drive home just to see this man, especially if you feel that your in love with him. You can't have a husband and a bf at the same time. You can't run to the bf when the husband pisses you off, someone is gonna get hurt. You have either got to lay your card's on the table with your husband or.....leave him, you can't have it both ways. I'm sure you chat and text with the x, that keep's things going. If you want to make your marraige work then you have to take the x totally out of the equation.

If you don't think your marraige is worth saving, which i think it is, then you have to sit your husband down and have a serious heart to heart with him. You must be direct and ask that burning question...do you still love me???? You must make him tell you why he has been so cold towards you and why he doesn't spend time with you, get him to talk. I wouldn't tell him that you had an affair just yet, that could be hazardous to your health..if you now what i mean! Then you go from there. I am not suggesting that you kiss his butt, but you must be forceful with your conversation with him. It also bother's me that he said he liked being home alone while you were away, could he be stepping out as well? The worse thing that you could have done was to get intimate with this old bf, that just make's things worse.

So...talk to your husband sooner than later, figure out what you want, think about what makes you the happiest, but remember my friend, you broke it off with your x for a reason and whatever that reason was just know that the grass is alway's greener on the other side of the fence. Tho it looks plush and silky now, it won't stay that way for long.

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I'm with bb on this. You need to stay as far away from temptation as you can get if you want to have any chance of making it work with your husband. The grass is almost NEVER greener on the other side, you just feel like it is when you are near it.

Can you get some counseling for yourself and then maybe include him?

It seems that he is reacting to something and you need to work through that.

 

 

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Thank you for the advise. I have talked to my husband about going to counseling multiple times without any luck. He is stuck in his ways and doesn't want to change. We are working out our differences and so far things are ok. In regards to my best friend; I will forever keep him in my life. Also my husband does know about him! I have been close to him for 8 years! That is something you don't hide from your husband. I was that girl growing up with mostly had guy friends. I still have multiple guy friends that I have kept close for many years! Two of them I have known for 12 years and I'm still friends w/ another x b/f that I have been friends with on/off for 8 years or so. My husband knows about all of them.  I'm very honest with my husband about how I'm feeling and how I want things to work. Well minus the kiss because I know that would have left me on the spot. I plan on trying to make things work and I don't plan on giving up.
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