I'm fifteen years old and a girl. Yes, I know I'm young but my sexuality has been an issue for me since I was about twelve. My first relationship was with a girl, and it was great. We were twelve to thirteen, so we were still pretty little both mentally and physically. The most we did was peck kiss once (it was my first kiss) and there were sparks. The relationship lasted for about a year and a half (from the beginning of sixth grade to the middle of seventh). I really don't want to just blame it on hormones because I feel like it was so much more than that.
Fast forward a couple years and she's now out of the closet and openly gay. Me ... not so much. After we broke up she had gotten another girl friend which lasted her through the rest of middle school (again, it was a very innocent relationship). While she had been dating that girl, I started dating guys. I did this with flings and real relationships until now. I'm now a freshman in highschool, and throughout my "adventures" I realized that it is very hard for me to develop feelings for guys, and if I do it's usually AFTER we breakup (I theorize it's because of the feelings of loss and sadness that give me the epiphany that "WOW! I really do like them a lot. What was I thinking!?" If I really DID feel that way then I would've felt it during the relationship, don't ya think?)
Anyway, moving on. So, I realized that it's harder for me to develop feelings for guys, but sexually it's great. I messed around with a girl once at a party, and we didn't really go that far (touching was over clothing). I can fall for a girl really hard (which sucks because a lot of the time, it's a straight girl who is going through her "bi curious stage") and the sexual stuff would be great, but I don't NEED it. Plus, I'm a virgin so I haven't had sex with either a guy or a girl ( I think I might like it better with a girl because the penetration aspect of straight sex scares me a bit - but that might just be the fact that I'm still young).
So now that you know my story, I need some of your opinions/theories. What do you think is going on? Am I just in denial of my gayness? Should I blame it on hormones? Thanks guys! <3
Just a note in advance: Please don't give any bigotory and/or hateful responses. Yes, I am religious. Yes, I am a good person. No, I'm not going to hell - but thank you for the concern, darling.
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