I'm feeling confused, I have problems with finding true friends, I feel lonely

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

I've always had a problem with friends in life. I never had any true friends who I would trust much. I felt very lonely because of that. Specially now that I'm a teen. I really feel the need for companionship. Like a relationship. But I don't want to be like some of the students in my school ( I'm entering highschool) where they just say they are going out, hang out for a while and separate. I feel like I really need someone who I am able to share my problems with. I am seeing a counselor but I have some serious trust issues. I've been tricked and lied to many times when I was very little. Many HORRIBLE things happened to me when I was 5. I just prefer to seek help from people here because I don't really know them. Anyways, there is a girl at my school who I've had a crush on for a long time. I tried to get to know her but it didnt work. A friend of mine ended up going out with her to this moment (I think so, he changed schools last week). Then one day I got to see a bit of what she was like... she acted quite vulgar. My feelings for her started mixing up specially since her boyfriend moved. She probably got some vulgarity from him. She seems mature and intelligent, thats why I like her. Part of me keeps telling me that I have been trying for way too long (2 years) and that I should forget about it. And another part of me feels that I can have a chance with her, that I can "love" her like I used to. Im still a teen, I don't know what love REALLY is, and I understand that. (The first part of me has been winning the fight and im losing interest). I don't know what to do. I would feel awful if I tried to get together with her but find out she hates me or she has a boyfriend. Ive become very confused over this and I want to solve it. Sorry for such a long post. Thank you.

Loading...

obscure seaplane over a year ago

Hey Johnny I'm sorry to hear that you feel so lonely and have a hrs time finding friends you can trust. You can feel free to talk on here and express your feelings without being judges by thoes who know you :). As for this girl. When was the last time you actually talked to her?

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

Well it kind of depends ... as in a conversation, I have never had an actual conversation with her. But from time to time I say a thing or two but its more like saying something to a group and she is part of that group. We sit together in science class. I always look down at the table because i get so nervous around her. My friends usually hang out around her group of friends but I dont talk directly to her unless she jumps into one of our conversations.

Reply

Loading...

obscure seaplane over a year ago

Hey there is there ever a time when your friend is not around that you can talk to her? It doesn't have to be a long conversation just say hey and ask how her weekend was. Probably best to use that line on a Monday or Tuesday . Just see what she has to say. Don't ramble on and on unless it's comfortable for you both. This can be just a nice breaker. I know you are concerned if she is day ring someone right now. Is there any of your friends or hers that you can ask to find out?

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

There isnt really a time when she and I are alone. Basically just in science class when we are the only ones at our table. And there really isn't anyone who I could ask to find out. It's either make a move and ask her or wait until someone starts gossiping about her and mentions it. She is the smartest girl in the class so she is seen as a popular person. But I'm really concerned about Valentine's day which is coming up. I dont want it to be a depressing day for me like last year. I was going to ask her out but found out that she was now dating my friend.

Reply

Loading...

obscure seaplane over a year ago

Well of you are not sure if she is still dating him or not.... Ask how things are going with her and him . If she says oh we arnt together anymore then you know u can make a move

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

Well I guess I'll give it a shot. It might take me a while but I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks for the help!

Reply

Loading...

obscure seaplane over a year ago

It's ok take your time remember short and sweet. You may be surprised she may talk more than you think :). Anything else I can help you with?

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

Not really. That's what I was worried about. I'll talk to her tomorrow and see how it goes. I'll let you know if I need anymore help. Thanks you're awesome.

Reply

Loading...

obscure seaplane over a year ago

Your very welcome buddy let me know how it goes

Reply

Loading...

Guest over a year ago

Hi Johnny
When you get hurt by people that you once trusted it is very hard to open up and risk getting hurt again.
The girl that you like is there any way you could contact your friend that was dating her to see if they are still together just thinking even with changing schools they could still be dating.
Not sure how old you are and hopefully your councillor is helping you sort through things and I would imagine he has talked to you about small or baby steps as you are trying to rebuild your being able to trust friends.
Entering into a relationship can be both rewarding and somewhat overwhelming at times depending on how things go.
It sounds like you are having some doubt since you seen a little bit of what you said was her vulgar side so I was just wondering what you thought about maybe rather than looking at the relationship aspect if you would be more comfortable with and find it easier on you to focus on getting to know her better first.
If you had the chance to would you be comfortable with doing things outside of school that her and some other people from your school do together like going to a mall or a place that kids from your school hangout.
If you would be comfortable with trying something like that it could give you a chance to get to know her better along with some of the other people at your school and if you find that it is uncomfortable or overwhelming for you there is no pressure for you to stay.

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

Im 14. Turning 15 in a few months. I would feel comfortable around her anywhere we go. In school or outside of school. But it is still really going to take me a while to start dating her since I don't know wether she is dating someone or not. I don't know how she would react to finding out the way I feel about her. But hey, im only human.

Reply

Loading...

Guest over a year ago

There is still a chance to get to know her better as well as her getting to know you better and when you’re ready you can ask her out there is no pressure as to when it happens so when you feel the time is right for you in any case it would be worth preparing yourself a bit for best result and the not so good result when you ask her.
Maybe as you spend more time around her you can pick up on if she is interested in you as well.
Hopefully when you ask her it is the start of a relationship between you and her.
As far as you having a serious crush on her that is normal for guys and girls to develop strong feels towards who they like and hopefully she would be impressed by it and have the same sort of feelings for you.
In many things you do I would think your wellness and well-being needs to be taken into consideration and hopefully you and your councillor have worked on developing good coping strategies for the setbacks life can throw at us from time to time.
I hope it works out for you and wish you all the best.

Reply

Loading...

Johnny AppleSeed335318 over a year ago

Just an update for you guys. I've been talking to her more recently. And I've gotten to see what she is like around other people who she is comfortable with. Like friends from school, because no one really cares what they think of you. She acts like that person who is quite random and wierd around others. I know that isn't her in the inside. No one is like that. I've gone through that so I have an idea of what role she is playing amongst society (which is our school). I would love to get to know who she really is and for her to know who I really am (we are actually both trying to play the same roles but I've outgrown it and know what my intentions were at the time). But I came to notice that she is really not interest in me. She and I talk and laugh a bit from time to time but I try to keep the conversation going. I don't know if I'm that bad of a person or she is just interested in someone else. Whichever it is, im hoping to turn it around. I dont know what to doto find out and help the situation. I doubt I could get to that topic in a conversation bevause it would be very uncomfortable for her. I hope my defenition of love is close to what it really is because I truly feel such a strong feeling towards her that I would call it love. I love her and I want to know what would be best for the both of us. Im not speaking for her when I say the both of us. I really want to take her feelings into consideration too. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it!

Reply

Loading...

wmaria640336023 over a year ago

Not to worry, as in this age it happens with many people so don't think much about it and just be with group of good friends, don't think about that girl as you can't force her to be your friend. Just talk with others and have fun with them.

Reply

Loading...