I'm going to kill myself April 14th!

1.I'll confuse up stuff or have an attitude

2.I'll say hey guys could you please be quiet I can't focus on what I'm trying to do Or I will yell be quiet please

Make sure you don't "confuse up stuff or have an attitude". I find it better to change myself rather than try to change others. If you are kind and considerate, then others will begin to appreciate you.

As you yell at them, they will be defensive, and sometimes people think "the best means of defence is attack". Once you change your attitude, the chances are that they will too. Again, it is usually easier to change self than others.

This is no doubt the root of your problems. To deal with it you have to face up to what happened. The fact that you are not very specific about what he did and said indicates that you are not facing up to it.

You say "it felt kinda nice", and that is perfectly OK for it to feel nice. It is a natural God-given response to intimate touching. But he should not have been the one to cause those feelings. He was in the wrong; not you.

It may well be that when you "told him to stop", it was not said firmly enough, or maybe it was. But the fact "he didn't" is his fault; not yours.

You say "i was scared but it felt kinda nice". So what exactly scared you? Was it something he said to you? Did he threaten you? Were you afraid that something else might happen? If so, what else? Identify that fear, think whether you consider it was right to be scared, and consciously put it away in the past (if it is now over and the fear no longer exists as a reality today). That does not mean you should pretend that it didn't happen, but recognise it for what it was: abuse against you. Remember, whether your fears were rational or not, he caused them, and he is to blame; not you.

"He [who? How old?] would come in [your bedroom or your bed?] when I spent the night [where?] and pull down my pants and start rubbing it [it? what?]. Be specific (to yourself anyway). Did he do anything else other than just rubbing (although that's bad enough)? Deal with that in the same way.

I hope this will help as a start. It might not be easy!

Is the fact that you've "been uncomfortable around men" the only change to your feelings?

Not all men are like your molester; many would be horrified at what happened to you, and would seek to protect you. So begin to learn who you can trust. Start to believe that there are some good men; but be careful.

1. What Church did you attend when you did "go to church"?
2. You said you were a 'Christian girl", so that would suggest association with the Christian faith. By asking about your faith, I wanted to know what you believed about God and Christ, and what that meant to you.
3. Why did you mention you were a 'Christian girl"?

I'm Baptist Christian and I don't remember the name of the church it was McCam Hammond something are you Christian

Yes, I am a Christian, and have been baptised, but I don't belong to a Baptist Church. I belong to an independent non-denominational Christian Church. Is this Baptist Church you mention near where you live? I can't remember where you said you live! Have you thought about asking the Baptist Church for help?

I never said we're I live... I live in St. Paul Minnesota. And kind it's 25 minutes away. And can I ask how that church works?

I want to make sure you're okay. I hope you're not agreeing to meet anyone face to face that u met on the Internet. It isn't safe to do that. A girl my daughter goes to school with went missing talking to someone online and thankfully she was able to get away and get home . Please watch what you're saying to people and don't give out information about locations. If u need help please call suicide prevention hotline or go to a nearby hospital and tell them your thoughts. Please please don't hurt yourself. You mean the world to someone. Heck even I am upset over you being this upset and I don't know u. Please please think of the fact that this is permanent.

Very often there are trained people working in the larger churches who have undergone child-protection training, and who would be able to help you. Not only with your physical and emotional issues, but also give spiritual help too. Here in the UK many, if not most, churches have Child Protection (Safeguarding) Policies. Remember, as you said earlier, God loves you, and He doesn't want you to harm yourself, and certainly not take your own life.
If you are asking about how my church works, then it is self-governing under an eldership, but no paid minister. The nearest similar type of church I can discover in St Pauls appears to be Bethesda Bible Church in Grand Avenue, but I have no experience of that church.

It certainly is not safe to meet anyone through internet generally, and via this site specifically. The SteadyHealth team try hard to prevent that, but it is true there are predators lurking everywhere. However I believe St Paul is the 2nd most populous area of Minnesota, and I don't think that amount of detail should pose a threat. Certainly no information should be given out that would identify where you can be found.

Yes I know that and I material arts so... And I would never give and one personal information. In not that stupid. And St. Paul is a very wide area.I'm thanks for the help and I feel better now. Your a very very kind person to keep up with this. Thanks for the help :-D

Pleased I was able to help. Take care. God bless.