I'm 23 years old and finishing up my final year at college. I've been fortunate enough to be with my boyfriend for over 4 years. He's 27 and in a career he loves and makes a good salary. Before we dated, he was my best friend - the one person I trust more than anything in the world.
I hate him.
We recently found out I was pregnant on Monday, exactly 5 weeks. Of course we cried and were angry and upset that this happened. Like all unplanned pregnancies, it was a bit of a shock. Needless to say, when we discussed what we were going to do, he decided that we needed to abort the baby - that we weren't ready and if we wanted to raise a child the way we had always talked about...that the best thing we could do was to pretend this didn't happen and to get married, and have children when we're ready. He made valid points that I'm also worried about - we won't have the support of our parents/family, we both live at home, we'll be excommunicated from our church for getting pregnant out of wedlock - our religion is everything to us, it's where we met. We're also both leaders in the church and this is obviously a bad example of how Christians should act.
Of course the whole scenario made me cry and that's when I began to resent him. I had always thought that if there was anyone in the world that I could get through a situation like this with, it would have been him. I couldn't have been anymore wrong.
I want my baby - more than anything in the world. My mother got pregnant with me out of wedlock and choose to keep me so needless to say, this situation hits very close to home. I'm terrified of raising this child alone - I don't have a job and my parents are going to kill me (not literally) and this literally may kill my grandmother (very strict, very Christian). I don't have a support system to help me with this.
Right now, I have no one.
With that said, what do I do? I have two options in front of me - abort this baby and try to cope with the guilt and anger or raise this child on my own - away from everyone and everything that I used to love. It would just be baby and I, I don't know if I can raise this child on my own but I'm willing to do everything I can to give it a safe and healthy life.
I have an appointment next week for an abortion and I don't want to go. My boyfriend knows I don't want to go and he says that we're going to be ok. I don't believe him. I told him that "this relationship is going to die, just like our baby." There will never be a part of me that will not resent and hate him if I lose this child.
Am I being selfish? Will I eventually "get over it" and go on to lead a happy and successful life? Is getting an abortion the best possible thing for this child? Do I even have a chance in life at being a single mom? I want to do what's best for my child.
I'm even beginning to think about an open adoption. The thought of someone else raising my child kills me inside but I know there are so many families out there who want a baby and will give my baby the life he deserves.
If I abort this baby, I'm almost certain I will go into a deeper depression than I'm in right now and I will probably end up killing myself.
If anyone can offer any advice or personal experiences, I would truly appreciate it. I'm just losing my mind right now and I need some help. If there are any organizations out there that you'd recommend, please let me know. I'm interested in learning more about The Nurturing Network.
I too was raised in a very strict, Christian family. I am the youngest of 4 children.
OK, my oldest sister, 10 years older than me. She graduated high school and went to do missionary work in Hutchinson, KS. We were raised very strict, went to church no matter what and had to wear skirts - you have to know this for the story. So, in Kansas, my parents were in Canada, my sister left to her own devices found a young man that she soon started a 'relationship' with and of course she got pregnant too, while doing missionary work for the church at the age of 19.
The man's family, when they told them, accused my sister of it being all her fault that she was pregnant and they wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, the man left her as well. With nothing left to do and with the heaviest of hearts, she called my parents. She thought the same as you: the church was going to ex-communicate her (and this was 27 years ago, that is what they did then), that the family was going to ex-communicate her and hate her, exactly the same things you are thinking.
Well, my mom and dad went to Kansas to talk to her, him and his family. They brought her home when it was seen that his family was blaming my sister completely, back to Canada. The church wanted to ex-communicate her but my parents (I'm so proud of them) placed their feet firmly down and said NO, she is our child, we don't agree with what she did but we still love her and so does God. WOW, for my parents to say that, was huge.
So time went on. 9 months, my sister wants mom in the delivery room. My mom during all this time struggled with the idea my sister was pregnant and that she was going to be a grandma - she wasn't ready. She was determined that she was going to hate this grandchild no matter what. Well, the birth gave way to a baby boy, my nephew Joshua. My mom took one look at him and fell deeply in love with Josh and still holds a special place in ALL hearts to this day.
My sister stood in front of the church, belly big, and told them how sorry she was, etc,etc. The church forgave her. My parents forgave her. I can't imagine life without my nephew. My sister can't imagine her life without her son Josh, she has another one. She went on to Bible school and attended with her son as a little baby and he slept in her dorm room and one of the prof's wife's took care of him while she was in class. She found her current husband at this Bible school and went on to adopt Josh as his own. My sister was freaked out doing this because she had to contact the family in the states whom still wanted nothing to do with this beautiful boy - I can't fathom that. How can they not want to know this awesome man he is today?
Anyways, sorry about my ramblings. But you can see where I am going. You can do it the church will get over it and your parents will still continue to love you no matter what.
It's your choice with the baby, of course you want the support but the ultimate decision is yours and you know what? You WILL probably get the support you need from your family and the church. Just be honest with everyone. Forgiveness? Remember, you need to forgive yourself though too. Love? You need to love yourself too.
Pray more than ever now for the guidance you need.
Good luck, I hope this helps and my thoughts and prayers go out to you during your time of need.
As someone who has experience with having an abortion, I would say it is EXTREMELY important that you take time to listen to your heart, and to become edcuated on what is means to have an abortion. There is a great deal of propaganda out there, but this is a "decision" that cannot, under any circumstances, be reversed, ever.
From reading your post, what I take is that you are clear thinking, and a very strong young woman. Everything you say, makes sense. Follow your heart. Sometimes a decision is not about doing what is "right", as there are no "easy answers" but about not doing what is wrong.
Hey!!! Are u ok?? Did u go to the dr yet??
Men are pieces of sh*t. They put their penises in then deny what happened. They make more than 120percent than a woman for the same job. Get an abortion or give it up for an adoption. you wont regret your decision. Women in our culture are fkd. Get an education. Get a good job. Don't have kids. You will have a better quality life and not rely on the rich for handouts.