im often sad and depressed

im 17 and i started selfharming at age 9 i recently stopped about 4-5 months ago.. im often sad and depressed but than in the matter of a day to a week i can change from that to happy and racing thoughts i would speck loudly and fast i often have thoughts about doing and taking drugs and drinking alcohal but in my right mind i am totally against it times i just can go to sleep and other times all i want to do is sleep never know exaxtily what i feel or the reason why i feel depressed. i hate being alone. my boyfriend i constantly make sure he is still there. and that he still loves me the moment i feel like someone is pushing me away i push myself away so i dont get hurt. times i feel so inspired and i drawl and dance. than times i withdrawl myself anxiety is always there and paranoia is sometimes there. like when i walk home home i get paranoid if someone is going to snatch me up or hurt me in anyway so i run. there alot more i can say but it late and i dont know