DON'T BE DEPRESSED, you are a BEAUTIFUL person, don't you dare EVER let anyone tell you different!! First off, the people ignoring you? It's all in your head. They might not be ignoring you, and if they are, they probably don't know they are. Secondly, you worry WAYY TOO MUCH about what others think of you! :) Why should you care about what others think? I doubt they're talking about you, even if you think they are.
You don't need to cut yourself anymore! Stop, and look around you! There is no need to be depressed when you live in such an intricate world! :) Cutting yourself doesn't solve anything!
There is absolutely NO REASON for you to hate yourself! AT ALL! Nope, none. I think you are AMAZING and have a big heart! That, to me, counts for more than anything in this world, and you sound like exactly the type of person I would trust, and love to be friends with!
Now, about no one understanding...do you mind if I tell you a little story? I feel like it'd better capture my point of: everyone goes through struggles in their lives.
Ok, so I was in the 8th grade...and I fell in love with a boy named (fake name btw) Jason. And I'm not talking the c**p they try to portray in movies, no...I'm talking full blown, would've killed for him, died for him, true love. Now, I had this best friend named Mikah who I trusted with my life. Long story short, she, being my best friend, ditched me, said she was in love with Jason, and then they've been dating ever since. And I don't think I had ever suffered a greater pain in my life...a broken heart and a lost best friend in the same day. I mean, I wasn't only losing Jason...I was losing an entire life with him I had chosen. It almost killed me.
Now, it was hell, I nearly committed suicide about 6 times, and hated myself, thinking I wasn't worthy to be with anyone or friends with anyone anymore...and it was that thinking that almost destroyed me. I'm not BY ANY MEANS SAYING that what you went through wasn't hell. But I'm saying...look at how much I'm smiling now, when just a few months ago, I was crying myself to sleep? :) It IS possible to pull through ANYTHING, no matter how bad the situation gets! I think you giving up on getting better has, in turn, made you even more depressed!
The first thing you gotta do, which will be the hardest...is to let go of the depression and the past. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened, and forgive others as well. If you don't let go of the past, then you will NEVER move forward. You need to accept that what's done is done, there is nothing you can do about your past life, but there IS something you can do about your future! :) Believe it or not, changing your life is easier than you think! The first step may be the hardest, but it is also the beginning of healing and being happy again.
I'm here for you, ok? :) If you need to talk, I'm here, anytime. You CAN and you WILL get through this! But DON'T GIVE UP!! Giving up on yourself has only caused you more depression and more hurt. It's time you looked in the mirror and saw yourself from your heart, not from how you think others see you. I could tell just by this story that you have a big heart, and you may be hurting, but I know that with a heart like yours, you must have many people that love you, no matter WHAT you think!
If I can be happy, then so can you. :) You just gotta let yourself be happy again and love yourself again-because if you don't love yourself, then you're getting nowhere.
Sending lots of love! I hope I was helpful! :) Be happy! You deserve happiness!
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who take hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
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