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How do I deal with my boyfriends children who have recently lost their mother to cancer? The kids are between the ages of 11 and 3, there are two girls and two boys.

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There is no easy way to deal with any child who has lost their mothers to death. It is a sad situation and is very confusing to the younger family members. You just have to take it one day at a time. If they have a question, answer them as best you can without going into the graphic details. You will probably get the "why" question. Mom got sick and now she is with God where she is very happy and not in pain anymore. Make sure you tell them that she misses them very much and that she loved them all dearly. Make sure the older one doesn't all of a sudden take on the burden of guilt. He/she may think that it may have been something he/she did, maybe if i cleaned my room more, maybe if i wasn't snotty to her at times, kids will sometimes blame themselves. If they want to visit their mom, make sure they get to do it. Take them to the cemetary and let them express themselves. Some kids want nothing to do with a cemetary after death, they just don't want to be reminded of that day and they could be scared of going in where death is everywhere. They may have night mares, that is normal to an extent. Just make sure you are there for questions and concerns, don't bring it up to them, let them initiate the conversation. If you see the older ones really sad and quiet at times, it's okay to ask them what is wrong, they may want to talk. They might try really holding on to their dad now, they may be afraid of loosing him next. Death is a hard thing for a child especially if it's mom or dad. They need their dad more than ever right now, don't get upset if they start to resent you a little, your the girl friend. They may get nasty and insult you somehow, they are just letting out some hurt and unfortunatly it might get directed towards you.
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