Mom's an Alcoholic - What can I do??

Hi, I'm just twelve and my mom is an alcholic too. I aleways knew she had a problem, when I cam home from school she would always be asleep on the couch and I couldn't wake her up. One day my younger brother and his friend walked into the house to find my Mom sleeping on the kitchen floor. I would go to bed every night to here her and my father arguering. She would tell me she was fine or was just tired. THe night before my first day of middle school she was acting strange again, my father was yelling at her alot and told her she was so clever for coming up with that hiding place. AS I laid in bed I put two and two together. I couldn't fall asleep so went into my Dad's room, my Mom came storming in blabering crazy stuff and my Dad finally told what was wrong. The next day she was very depressed and just sat in the couch. My dad told me he had a discussion with her and that she realized she had a problem. She is now going to AA meetings and has a sponsor. Sadly though, none of this has helped she has gotten a lot worse almost drinking everyday. Her mom came out rightaway once she heard, but my mom still drank. I found a bottlke of vodka hidden in the car and showed it to her mom before I dumped the whole thing down the drain. Her family is deaf so it's hard for me to comunicate with them. THe worst day ever was when she drank multiple times until she said she had ran out, which was true. Then later that night she was drunk and we discovered she had been drinking mouthwash, she said she didn't but at 3 am she went up to her room and told my dad she felt wrong. He called poison control and they said she should be fine. she has ran away multiple times, like today. WE have a rental car that is noy insured and she has disappeared in it drunk. She has hidden vodka in hamster bedding, water bottles, and my brothers bean bag. I miss her alot and keep having to tell myself that it's not her that I see, it's the alchol. Alcholism is a disease that is passed on through genes. I'm not saying you will become an alcholic, but studies have shown this is the case. If you are related to an alcholic, you have a higher chance of becoming one, but I don't think I will ever drink any alchol because it has affected my life so negativly. I often cry myself to sleep or don't sleep at all. Nobody knows besides my family and my closest friends parents and her. I'm thinking about goingto counseling are Ala- teen, but not sure yet. Best of luck with your ownn mother, Graceth <3

Hi everyone, I'm 25 and my Father is a late stage alcoholic. I feel for everyone who has experienced the pain caused by a family member drinking to the point of breakdown (probably more so for friends and family than the drinker). I wish I had the answers but unfortunately I am still going through this and really cant see it getting any better - I think now that I have accepted that this is no fault of mine (or my younger siblings) I know I have done all I can and now its down to Dad to quit.

I was hoping to ask people's thoughts on breaking away from an alcoholic parent. After months of cleaning, shopping, looking after my brother and sister and basically carrying all the guilt and pain of my Dads alcoholism, I decided enough was enough and haven't seen or spoken to him for about 8 weeks. I have to admit what was once love and pity for my father has now turned to hate, following him laying in a hospital bed following an admission from seizers caused by alcohol and telling me to go home and that there was no reason for me to be there. "Oh Ive never been so miserable in all my life", was all he could say. he outright refused help from the addiction support people (and had a go at me when I told them exactly how much he was drinking at the time) and then lied to his family about seeing a counselor, when he hadn't at all. he now lives on his own after the social services took his children away (that wasn't enough to make him stop) and as for as I am aware he is malnourished and probably not too far from the end as he cant walk without falling over. Not that going round would help - he locks the door so no one can get in!!

A family member recently said to me "You are responsible for your dads disease, if anything happens to him it is on your head"

I know this all sounds very cold but I wanted to be honest. I have done all I can and that hasn't worked. for sake of my relationships, sanity and quality of life, I needed to get away from it all. All i do now is keep in touch with my sister and brother.

Im broken because of dads actions. he's never been a real father. Am I wrong to do this?

just be lucky shes alive, im 14 my mother was much worse than yours she became an alcohlic when i was 7 and 6 years later shes dead. All because of the alcohol.

Hey buddy
You are not alone..get onto google and look up alateen anonymous ..you need to go and meet up with these people and you will get your direction from there on what to do ,,you will meet others who are going through what you are going through right now ..it will make your world so much brighter..good luck buddy im thinking of you ..and hope you find this precious place to share whats been happening to you !!!! your ok,,you will be fine,,just find these people ,and you will know what to do,,please let me know how you get on..

heyy, im 13 my mum has been drinking since i was little i got out into care when i was 12 and hopefully i going to live with my mum in 2 weeks. my mum hasnt stopped drinking yet. i know how you feel xx

I felt like that was my mom when I was reading it. I had exactly the same experiences as you! Unfortunately my mom is still in denial. And so she drives while drunk and has a DUI. Whenever I bring it up she denies it and turns it around and gives out to me! She said once that she was going to counselling, same thing, it doesn't seem to have helped. For years I've been finding bottles everywhere, she used to hide them in my toybox. She goes through an entire bottle of wine a go and I'm the one left to pick up the pieces. I'm 15 and reading your question helped, to know there was someone else out there, going through the same thing. Sorry, I've no solution though.

Hi i have been reading through some of your stories adnd have been quite touched. My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember resulting in me and my siblings being put into care and adopted.. i have always been in touch with her despite all the arguments, and up until now i have not had the guts to be brutally honest with her and tell her that i felt she had a problem with alcohol.. it actually surprised me because she admitted that she didnt realise how much she was drinking anf how this was pushing all her family away!! well ive decided to give it one last chance and support her as best i can, i know its going to be hard for both of us but if it gets her sober then it will be worth it. im scared that she is not commited to this and thati will give up on her too easily and quickly, but i have told her that i will be there every step of the way..can someone please offer me any advice on how best to help my mum xx

wow these comments have really touched me, especially the story about your mum being a single mother.. having to look after your younger sister aswell. well guess what im in EXACTLY the same situation! except i have a younger brother 10 years old. i find it so hard and painful for him to grow up listening and being surrounded in such an unpleasant environment but i guess thats how life can be hey. like they say 'lifes a B***H my mother has recently signed up for help on a 90 day course, she had been doing so well until tonight, i came back home from the gym really motivated and happy with the direction my life was going in... never thought i would see another bottle of wine in my house again and thought i was finally moving forward in my life with my mother and my younger brother. that wasnt the case... she had been doing so well, off the alcohol for a full 7 days straight! i was so so pride of her i couldnt describe it to her if anyone understands that feeling. i was going to actually go out and buy her some flowers tomorow for the hard effort and determination she had shown to me but i guess thats not how it turned out.. im not askin for sorros here but im just trying to see somebody else experiencing/experienced the same/similar siatuion as i am so people know that they really are not alone and a lot of people are going through this, unfortunately some are worser off, some are not. i really do feel everybodys pain, especially those that are teenagers like me(17) that are going through their A-levels or college or whatever, really it is not an easy job... like your story about your low self-esteem... i am exactly the same too... i have such low confidence and as i get older it seems to be affecting me worse and worse... i just cant wait to leave my house and start a completely new life as an individual or move in with 1 of my friends. the point i am making is that nobody should give up on hope and faith no matter how hard your situation is, we are all human at the end of the day and oviously this is gods test for our path in life, yuno everythin really does happen for a reason whether good OR bad! never the less i know what you are all thinkin, most are bad!! which is true but along the way in the future everything that was so negative in your/our lives will turn into hapiness and positive behaviour! just hang in because were all on the same boat, just different models 

I'm thirteen and my mother is an alcoholic. She has been drinking for a awhile, since I was at least 5 or 6, but she always hides it. As a kid, she used to tell me not to go near a cabinet that she hid her beer by saying that "since she put her sewing stuff there, there may be some pins". My father has confronted her many times about this which causes her to stop, but she will begin drinking again after a week or so. She was recently laid off and in a car accident ( only minor injuries, some awful whip-lash) and she does not handle things too well. My friend comes over after school every day, and I worry that I will have to tell her soon. She has stopped for a while now, but today I have heard cans opening. Investigating further, I found another one of her stashes in a clothing drawer of hers. When I find one of these "nests", I tend to empty put each can. The only thing is, we CAN NOT afford to be buying this, as we are living off my father's paychecks-and he only works as a tool delivery man. We have received money from the insurance company, but we had to use it to buy a car as we had no means of transportation, except for our father's work van. I have never told anyone these things. I have an eighteen year old brother, and he is fully aware of what is happening. However, I don'tthink that either my brother or my father know of her new stash. I am currently debating over telling my father or at least my brother, but this will always lead to another fight between my parents. My parents have fought alot, so much that there are nights where I think of how life used to be when she stopped for a few months, and comparing my current life to what it was has brought me to tears. I have written endless poems in a separate, hidden diary but nothing seems to help get this sadness and frustration out of me. I have gone to school some days feeling awful, but saying that I was simply tired. We never go on vacation because we can not afford to go away somewhere, and currently the only person in my family with a valid password is my brother. Now that summer is approaching, I get to hear all about how so and so is going to Florida and someone's going on a cruise and someone else is going to Hawaii or Cuba. All of this is really getting to me, and is slowly becoming too much to handle. I have had nights where I've cried myself to sleep because it is seeming that everyone's lives are soooo much better. My grandmother went through the same thing as my mother, but my grandfather stayed with her. The possibilty of my parents staying together like my grandparents is the only thing in this whole situation that is holding me together, because soon enough I won't be able to handle this and hearing how everyone's lives are just so great is going to lead to a mental breakdown of my own. I've worried some days that I am going to break into hysterics sometime at school when I've finally had enough.

   

Well hey guys,

       My mother is an alcholic as well. My single mother has had a problem since before I was born, (I'm thirteen) But recently it's getting much worse. I am a single child. My mother gets drunk everyday, and drinks about 3-4 beers everyday. It's a horrible feeling to come home from school everyday seeing your mom holding a can of beer in her hands, crying on the floor. My mother is struggling with depression, so my guess is that she wants to get away from it all.

      One day when I was about twelve years old, My mother got really drunk, and attempted to commit suicide by taking an overdose of her prescription depression medication. I had to call 911. When the ambulance came, all our neighbors were outside staring at me, and I felt horrible. My mom stayed in the hospital for a few days, and I was forced to stay with one of my friends from school for a while.

      Child services caught wind of my mother's alchohol abuse, and tried to take me away from her. I was forced to live with my uncle for six months. I spent my thirteenth birthday crying because I missed her. I felt like no one understanded the pain I felt, and that I was one unlucky, unwanted child. I still feel this way. My mother is required by child services to attend therapy, and alchoholic group meetings (She has been kicked out of 3 alchohol groups for never attending) She is still getting drunk and drinking everyday.

      I try to avoid her, and when I do bother her too much, she getts angry and storms out for more beer. Everytime she goes outside to get something, like milk, she also gets a beer. We are a pretty poorr pair, so all the beer is cutting out of out budget, and sometime we can't afford things like, bread, meat, ect. I have confronted her about this once, (She was drunk at the time) and she started to yell at me. I didn't want her getting more drunk so I stood in front of the front door of our apartment to block her. She tried to pry me from the door, and I got a few cuts and scratches, but nothing serious. She snuck out and got beer later on when I was asleep. It is horrifying, she doesn't feel like the kind, loving mother I knew as a child.

      A few days after the argument, (She was sober that day, which is rare) She apologized and broke down saying, "Honey I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I don't know what happened! Forgive me!" She attemted to gain my forgivness by buying me the laptop I am using to type right now. She still gets drunk often. She isn't improving after all we've been through, I've even got a couple of achohol poisoning scares. I want to help her, she is the only person I have, she provides me with everything I need, and she's so kind ( When she's sober) I love my mother, and I don't want to be taken away! I love her so much... I never tell anyone this out of the chance they may try to take me away from her, I feel so alone. There are some days... no almost everyday I sit in the corner of my rroom and cry when she makes her daily trip to the store for beer. It's heart-wrenching. My grades have been dropping dramaticly lately, and my guess is stress. I don't understand why she is like this! I know she loves me but... It doesn't feel that way.

     I feel alone in this world, and I feel like I will never accomplish anything. Before all this I used to be an honor student! I don't know what's happening to me, it feels like my world is caving in! Well I guess I mainly wrote this to express these feelings I never tell ANYONE about. I hope i didn't bum you out...

This story is also similar to my story. My parent are still together, but the other day my mom picked me up from school but she was drunk. I asked her if she had drank. She obviously said no. I asked her to list every single thing she drank that day and I was told that she drank coffee, water, and gatorade. And then i added vodka and then she started yelling at me. At home, i tested her with a breathanalizer and it showed that she WAS drunk and guess what, she still denied it!! i called my dad because he was at work. He said that he was on his way home. My mom has the key to my room, so i went in the bathroom and locked myself in there until my dad came home. He tested her and she WAS drunk!!! He told her that their marriage was over. She asked for one more chance!!! I butted in the conversation and i told her that she said that last time too and he gave her another chance. I literally fell to the floor when i heard that there was going to be a divorce!!! Where was i going to live? Who was going to take care of me when my dad isn't home?! I don't know what to do at this point! i want my life to be normal like everyone else's!!! I have an F or D in all my classes. Last year i got a GPA of 1.23 and my mom started yelling at me!!! What the hell!!!! Someone! PLEASE HELP, IM IN SEVERE PAIN I CAN'T LIVE MY WHOLE LIFE AS THE GIRL WHO HAS AN ALCOHOLIC PARENT!!! PLEASEEEE!!

I have to admit that I am an alcoholic mother.  Basically every other day.  Each time is always "the last time" but even I have to chuckle when I profess this as an excuse to drink the entire 12 pack - maybe if I drink it all and smoke the entire pack of cigarettes, then I will be disgusted with it and give it up.  I quit for 2,3,4,5 days.  Feeling better and looking better, I find an excuse to drink again.  Mostly because I feel inadequate, insecure and not good enough to be the mother to my wonderful kids.  I don't know why the other mothers drink and I don't know really why I drink.  Sometimes the knowledge that I cannot go back and start off as a sober mother makes me insecure enough to drink.  When I drink, my self-confidence rises. 
I disgust myself which in turn creates the scenario that I am tired of hating myself and will get drunk to be by myself where no one can judge me.  But I realize that kids don't need supermom or superperfection.  Mostly just available, responsible and sober adults around that the child can trust.
My question to "you" is can the child of an alcoholic ever really trust the recovered parent?  Being sober makes me realize how much damage i have caused and how much irreplacable time i have squandered.  I want to become that parent whom a child turns for comfort and advice.  Good luck to all you kids of alcys.

my mom is an alcoholic but im younger than you so i really dont have any advice besides talk to her and tell her how much her drinking has effected you just as much as it has to her.

Alcohol - mean thing really, If to say the truth i really hate my mother for drinking VODKA - the most ugly alcohol ever... 3/4 shots can get anyway drunk away - Alcohol is like drugs, if you start taking it too many times you get used to it & do it on purpose... My mom always gets drunk when ever she has the chance - its IMPOSSIBLE to fight it - The love thing is pointless... When my mom gets drunk she Yells,Screams & even puts of fights - (I have to fight BACK cause she is trying to punch me or grab a kitchen knife & try and kill me) She started drinking when i was 4 years old - when my father died - and she STILL drinks,yells,screams like a total maniac - HOW I HATE THE PERSON WHO CREATED ALCOHOL - Makes me want to kill him badly - My mom went to AA - pointless - She was even forbidded by the court - but NOOOO... She still drinks to this day (Even RIGHT NOW)

The only time she is not drunk is when she has no MONEY to spend on VODKA
She promissed to stop many times (NO DICE)
Sometime's i wish she would just DIE
She makes me so angry sometimes i want to take the damn bottle and hit her on the head - but then i suddenly think what would that do? (I did it one time - STILL NO DICE) You CANT fight with Alcoholism - Its something that pushes their resistance to a total 0% and makes them want MORE.

My mom was warned by the police many times (When she gets drunk she even hurt my Grandmother) that she will be arrested & be sentaced for 2.5 years in prison for drinking.

It makes me feel allot better knowing I'm not alone out there.  The thing with my Mother is she drinks just enough to where she will be heavily buzzed or borderline drunk all day.  It sucks because her anger comes out fairly easily when alcohol is in the mix.  It seems like she drinks 24/7 and shes so bad she drinks wine out of coffee cups like its juice or something.  She sits in the garage smoking cigs talking on the phone and sitting right next to her is one of the boxes of cheap wine.  It's an everyday thing, there is no break from alcohol unless she is passing out on the couch.  She's in denial and for the past few years I've realized that she truly is an alcoholic.  When I was younger she almost died because her liver was giving out due to alcohol.  It makes me sad that I cant get through to her. I've tried being nice, I've tried having friendly talks about it.  Now days it's starting to heavily effect myself and coming home I just feel this anger and hatred towards her.  I don't know what to do anymore and I love my mother very much. She's killing herself and our family and can't even realize it.  Her "friends," co workers, husband, and son know about her problem, but once again still in denial. How can I help her and my family?