My affair with opiates and How I got off suboxone

Hello everyone, I've been reading... and decided to share my story and the sick love affair I had with opiates for 12 years. It started at the age of 25, I'm now 37. I had a surgery and was prescribed Demerol for pain. At first it started as a weekend thing, until I soon realized it was not only taking away my pain, but all my emotional pain as well. I had found something in those pills that I hadn't found in anything my whole life, a true friend, something that I could always count on. My mother was a heroin addict for 15 years and my childhood was very messed up to say the least. It wasn't until my grandmother died that she got clean, which began my demise. My grandmother raised me, she was my rock, when I lost her I began a downward spiral into drugs that would last way longer then I'd ever imagined. I took anything I could get my hands on, and take as much as I possibly could. I loved being high, I craved it. It wasn't until jan of 2006 that my luck would eventually run out, I took a handfull of pills, within 10 minutes I had od'ed. I suffered a grand mal seizure in the process. Landed on my face and did about 30g in damage. It was ugly, I woke up in the hospital surrounded by my family. Still the addict in me begin to create lies, assuring this was no overdose. I had no idea I'd been given life support, yes indeed, it was real. The doctor came in and put his hand on my shoulder and told me I was lucky. You'd think that was enough right? Wrong! I went out the very next day and started using again. I was in a new relationship at the time, I got caught and they found my stash, sat it in front of me and said either you get help or you're gonna lose everything. That day I decided to go to rehab, well much to our surprise rehab isn't that easy to get into anymore with certain insurance. So I decided to kick at home, after the 1st day no one could stand to see me in hell. So my mom called a friend and got me two suboxones. Wow, let me tell you I felt brand new. That day I found a doctor that prescribed it and started off on 8mg a day, I stayed on it for 3 years. In those 3 years I lost my joy of life, my sex drive, my social behavior changed. I was different. Yes suboxone helped my withdrawel, but it did more damage then good. Now I had to face my demons again, I woke up two months ago and decided I was done. I wanted my life back and I would stop at nothing to get there. Id kicked several times before but not off subs. They told me it wouldn't be as bad. I didn't wanna go through misery again. No way, no can do baby. So this is what I did, how I got off, it's not for everyone but it's what helped me. I got a hold of methadone syrup, diluted as much as possible right off the bat. Taking maybe about 5 mg, it was enough. I felt no withdrawel from the subs. I continued to dilute and lower the ml each day for a month. I got down to taking almost just the diluted water. The beginning of month two I took one oxycodone, I started to feel the withdrawel at night. Around 130 am I'd wake up. I couldn't sleep and had crawly skin hot flashes. But it was nothing like what I'd been through before. However it still stunk out loud,I also had to work, I do construction. No energy on a job site isn't good. I managed to get 3 days off. It was a godsend because by day 3 I was in you know where, needless to say I was extremely depressed and saw no way out. I had someone pick me up some stuff from The health food store. Sam-e which has helped elevate my mood, helps some with chills too. Valerian root which has been helpful with sleep. It has to get in your system for a few days first. Also liquid calcium, take this at night along with the standardized valerian and within two days sleep becomes you! You may still wake around 530am but you will be able to fall asleep. I also used tramadol, this helped me in major ways with the chills. I lost my mom to cancer a few months ago, she was on methadone, it caused her to get an irregular heart beat and contributed to her death, i think its part of what made me want to get clean,As I said this was my journey, I just wanted to share my experience and say that even though you have to endure a bit of pain, you can do it. You have to keep telling yourself it's temporary, even when you feel like the walls are caving in. Will power is what's gonna get you through. Sorry this was so long.