Hello. I'm an Australian teen, and although that may make you assume I'm fairly stupid, please do hear me out. My boyfriend and I (same age) both have depression, although mine is much worse, and I also suffer from other things such as two types of anxiety. The point is, we're extremely close, and he's never really done anything to hurt me. Though this happened quite a while ago, he sexually assaulted me. I'm not sure quite what to do or feel or say. I do love him, and he loves me, but I am affected by it happening, and I'm wondering if it's normal. It's just things like how I can't get aroused now unless it's harsh, and I can't stand other people touching me. I feel like it's my fault because I couldn't say 'no' properly, but even though I did fight a bit, I think he ignored it. He felt terrible afterwards, when he realised he'd hurt me, and I did forgive him for it because I was basically the cause of it, but I'm not sure what to do with myself. Can anyone help with this? I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking for, but if anyone has an idea, I'd really appreciate your feedback.
I don't think you're stupid.
Lots of victims blame themselves. You were a victim.
It was not your fault. You weren't the cause either. Don't blame yourself. He forced himself on you. You don't have to verbally say "no" to mean "no."
Find an adult that you trust to talk with. This could be a counselor, psychologist, religious leader, a teacher, nurse, etc. You will feel better to discuss this.