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Is it me or is it him? Why do I always think that whenever something bad happens that I must have done something wrong, that there has got to be something wrong with me, why do I always blame myself as I do now even when I know that I didn't do anything wrong.

My boyfriend is suffering from depression and he has been in a really bad mood lately saying how nobody cares about him and how life is pointless and meaningless and things like that and he just broke up with me a couple of hours ago. It's not my fault!

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Nobody here could possibly know for sure if this is your fault or not since we know nothing about the relation between the two of you but let's say that this is a common thing to happen in relationships where one partner is suffering from depression.

This is probably not your fault, or maybe you don't know how to properly deal with people who are suffering from depression so you have made some common mistakes and he hates you because of that or he simply doesn't want to be with you anymore because of that. Even if that is the case, it is still not your fault.

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Is it well known that people who are suffering from depression tend to cut connections with the world, they prefer to be alone. Whether they are using antidepressants or not, they are likely to stop talking and hanging out with their friends as well as with their partners so I assume that you did not make a mistake, it is probably just what happens with depressed people.

I would suggest that you give him some time. Don't pay any attention to what he just did and leave him alone. After some time or after he overcomes depression he will come back to you, trust me.

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You might think that I am stupid or something but I really love him. I will find it hard to simply stand at a distance and not talk to him until he decides to talk to me. I think that he needs me as much as I need him but the thing is he doesn't want to admit that he needs me or anybody else. But I am there for him whatever he needs, I told him that once and he got mad at me saying that he is not weak and that he doesn't need anyone to be there for him. I don't know what to do.

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Yes, yes. I have heard this story so many times - I love him, but he doesn't want to be with me. Look, I am sorry because I need to be brutally honest with you, but that boy doesn't want to do anything with you. I think that you should deal with it, no matter how much you love him.

People who are depressed usually cut communications with people around them. They are OK with several people, but in many cases relationships are done. And there is nothing that you can do. If you force him to be with you, you can only make a damage. 

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Health Ace
6880 posts

You must think seriously about the situation. Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life? I feel you just dodged a bullet. He needs professional help and if he won't get it it's not your fault, nothing he does or says is your fault. You deserve to be free to have a rewarding life of your own.

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Look, I know that this situation is very bad and it must be very hard for you to deal with it. But it is hard for him as well. Again, you can't do anything about this, no matter how hard you try. He needs professional help and this is the end of story. So, stop asking yourself whose fault was this. This is not anyone's fault - he is sick and he is doing some things that he can't control. On the other hand, you couldn't do anything to prevent him from leaving. You still can't do nothing to help him. I think that he doesn't deserve you and that you deserve to have normal, good and quality life. So, think about this. You are not selfish if you go on with your life.

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I was not depressed boyfriend, but I was depressed girlfriend. And because of my depression, several of my relationships were over. It was my fault so I have to tell you that it is not your fault at all in this situation. 

I know what he is going through, I had this lovely boyfriend in the worst days of my depression. I think that he was able to kill for me back than, but still I was telling him that he doesn't care about me, that he doesn't love me so I left him. 

When I was better, I was aware of damage that I done, but he was far away from me, happy with another girl. In my opinion - if you love him, let him go. I know that this sounds corny, but that is just the way it is...

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It is not OK to tell someone that he or she could expect something, but I really need to say that - you somehow could expect this. Depressed people are labile people and they can't take care of themselves (unfortunately), so I don't know how they can take care of someone else. I am not saying that depressed people should not experience love, but when they are depressed they don't have love for anyone, not even for themselves. So, stop asking yourself is this your fault or not - it is not. There is nothing that you could do. You were there for him, helping him, but nothing right? So, it is not your fault. Sometimes it is better to leave than stay in unhealthy relationship.

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I think that it is very stupid to seek for the culprit in this situation. Is it your fault? Is it my fault? Stop doing this, it's no ones fault. Why? Because it is not your fault because your boyfriend was not able to be with you and because you were not able to do anything to stop him. On the other hand, it is not his fault because he is depressed. That is a condition that you need to understand. Or at least - try to understand. It is very difficult to be in the relationship with depressed person, but it is even more harder to be depressed and trying to be with someone. It is hard. You need to understand him and you need to move on as well.

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How do you mean that it is not his fault that he is depressed? Of course that it's his fault that he is depressed, his thoughts caused him to become depressed so he did that to himself, that makes him responsible for his depression. You are right though when you said that it doesn't really matter whose fault is that, you really need to just let it go and move on. If the two of you are meant to be, you will be together, I'm sure of that. But for now let him be and you will see in the future what will happen.
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