Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

Ive just found out my boyfriend is a binge drinker, it's been happening for the last 10 years. He's just come back from a 7 day binge and i'm not sure how to handle the situation. It's a pretty new relaionship and i've just found out from his parents that he has suffered with depression for years and i'm wondering if it's a certain trigger that sets him off. He doesn't drink normally, but something sets him off every few months. Sometimes he can go 6 months without a drink. I'm at a loss as to what to say to him or how to handle the situation.

Loading...

Hi hon: Binge drinking is on the rise! Especially in the 20 year old age group. Even though they don't consider themselves alcoholics thery ARE! Due to the fact that this has happened in the early stages of your relationship is a good thing. Until he gets himself sorted out and starts attending either AA or some other support group, there will be NO end to this. Alcoholics will promise the moon to you! They will swear on their lives that they will NEVER EVER touch another drop. They will use EVERY trick under the rainbow for you to stay with them and take it. And I can tell you - from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE - that the very 1st time you stay, it will continue I guarantee it. They ahve already lost respect for themselves, and as soon as you take it they loose respect for you too. Because then it's Peter Crying Wolf isn't it? "You do that again and I WILL leave next time..." "One more chance and I'm gone....." These words are used in every language and every country in the world and they NEVER leave! And when you don't leave the very 1st time, he/she isn't the only one that looses respect for you!! You look in the mirror and think "OMG! I can't believe I'm in this situation! How did i get this way?! etc.etc." So you have to sit down with him and have a SERIOUS talk about his depression and his binging. And you put down the rules of "engagement", not enough people say what they expect at the beginning of a relationship. I remember watching Oprha Winfrey when she had Elizabeth Edwards on and she said that when her and John Edwards started dating she told him her rules. That she would not accept him cheating on her etc. etc. And I think we all need to do that! It might be in vowes but it is used for everyone, you have to make it clear that this is a deal breaker. And IF he can't meet the challenge, you will have to walk away hon! I know it will be hard, but not as hard as loosing yourself and being with a stranger. I hope this helps you. If you need anything else just let me know OK? Good luck and health hon!
Reply

Loading...

Yes thank you, that's a great help. He's been under a phsyciatrist for a while and councelors, but he won't open up to them. It's tricky because he lives in North Wales and i live in South Wales. He came down to stay for 10 days, i think going home was the trigger as he has nothing to go home to and i was off to Benidrom for a week, which meant he wouldn't be able to talk to me everyday as we have done for the past 5 months. He was made reduntant, lives in a small town where there are no jobs. He needs some direction in his life. This has really been a shock to me. He told me he had no issues as the last boyfriend i had was an alcoholic..........i sure can pick them lol that was probably why he didn't say anything.
Reply

Loading...

Being half welsh myself I know it's the culture of anyone in Britain to drink! And most people when they think of an alcoholic they NEVER think of themselves as that person. OBVIOUSLY he has had some sort of trauma in his life and thus refuses to talk to professionals. There are apporoximately 10 million Britains who are suffering from either depression or anxiety. So your BF is not alone. And due to the economy over there I am not surprised. All I can say is hon, is be open as possible with him. Tell him what you expect and ask him to talk to you. Remember though, sometimes opening a deep can of worms could be overwhelming for you = as in something you have never dealt with before. That said, he needs to get his demons out! Actually your chances of NOT getting a heavy drinker are low if you think about it! It is rampant, my nephew he is 21 and thats all he talks about on Facebook - he is from Southwales too. So it's just part of the environment. So you just have some decisions to make, I would hate for you to give up on him - BUT you have to be aware of the chances of him ever been clean. I'm always on here so if you ever need to talk I'm here for you. AND him if he wants to log on here too I can help him - doesn't that sound merconary of me!!!!!! o.O 8-| XD ;-)
Reply

Loading...

Haha thank you lovely. I had a good chat with him all day yesterday, he's really opened up to me and told me how he is feeling and why. I've been throught he same situation myself, not with drink though. I was a drug user 20 years ago and managed to get myself out of that situation. It was hard, but i feel a completely different person today, much stronger and feel i'm able to help him now he has opened up to me. He knows all about what i went through so finds it easier to talk to me than the professionals and his parents. He knows i'm here for him 100% and will do all i can to help. Ive talked him into phoning a new councelor which is what he is doing this morning and given him a bit of advice on how to deal with things..............little steps. Fingers crossed :-)
Reply

Loading...

Oh definitely little steps, it has taken years for this build up in him. And it will take awhile for it to be broken down. I am glad you are talking it out. It's like the family dirty secret isn't it? Like Uncle Arthur LOVED his brandy!!!! ;-) XD Or I remember Aunty Wynn or was it uncle Wynn!!! ;-) XD o.O So once the secret is out in the light, there is not secrets or sneakiness, I bet he feels a whole lot better about not having to hide it from you. It's the guilt that gets to a lot of addicts. I too was a prescription addict, so I TOTALLY get addiction. Anytime hon, I'm here! Ta Ra Bach!!!! ;-)
Reply

Loading...

My advice is to leave this relationship as soon as possible.
Reply

Loading...