Binge drinker ruining our relationship

Hi,
Alcohol becomes a problem that needs treatment when the person who is drinking begins to have problems in life because of alcohol. It doesn’t have to come to the point of physical dependence. First and most important step is for him to realize and admit that alcochol is a problem for him. There is nothing anyone can do if he feels attacked because of something that is “normal”. And having friends who are the same when it comes to drinking makes it even harder – he wouldn’t want to be the only one who can’t have a drink. So, talking and talking until he sees how you feel. That’s first.

I am very concerned about my boyfriend's drinking habits too. He does not drink every day, in fact he is very responsible during the week when he knows he has to get up and go to work. He is able to have one or 2 drinks once in a while, but I am afraid it isn't often enough. It seems like when the opportunity presents itself to get drunk he has no control. We are both 35 and I just wish he would grow up. This behavior might have been ok in our early 20s, but now its just immature and dumb. I can see maybe once in while cutting loose and having one drink too many, but getting wasted every weekend is just not okay with me. I fear for the future of our relationship, but he totally does not see it as a problem. He thinks we are still young and since we don't have children yet why not have a little fun? I just honestly can't stand the way he acts when he gets drunk either. He is a different person, and I don't even want to be around him. This breaks my heart because I love him so much and feeling like I don't want to be around him is a terrible feeling. Can he change? Is it possible it is just a bad habit and he can learn to just have a few and control himself? I really don't know what to do. I'm finding that I am now drinking more than usual just now when we go out because I feel like if I can't beat him I should join him. I would just give anything for him to just be able to have a couple drinks and not get out of control all the time, am I in complete denial?

Hello...I normally never reply to these posts and only read what others have to say but I am going through the same problem and it is heartbreaking to feel that way. My boyfriend has a tendency to frequently black out almost ever other weekend when we go out and he seems to not understand the concept of "causal drinking". This has been a on-going problem since the beginning of our relationship and it has definitely taken a toll on me. I have never blacked out and I am usually at a good level when I drink. It may be so because I always have to take care of my boyfriend but I do not know what to do now. I have had a final talk with him about his drinking but I'm afraid that he will not change. How have things been with your relationship? has things gotten a little better? If you can reply, I would greatly appreciate it.

I think I have some advice here. I'm a Brit 35 & living in Canada and have always partied hard. I can reasonably say I am a very nice guy and not bad looking. I've had maybe 8 serious relationships with the last 4 living together. Every relationship I've had I've lost because of drink. I drink in social situations because I get anxiety. And for a period in told I'm very entertaining... but. My last 4 relationships were great until the girls noticed my behavior when drinking. Culminating in violence. I'm not at all happy with what I've done. But it wasn't until I talked to a professional that I found the root of my drinking... namely I have severe social anxiety, so I would drink and be confident and funny. But once I had one drink there was no off switch. Often I would be the "last man standing" and a night out would turn into 3 days straight. When my partner approached me about it I would be awkward and it was a problem for them. I always had excuses. And I always had a reason to drink. They loved me and wanted it to stop. Even loosing great relationships wouldn't shake me to facing up to it. Binge drinkers will often have this anxiety. And the booze also makes you paranoid. And before you know it you're relying on the very thing that is ruining things for you. It's hard to approach this thing but seeing a psychologist made me see that it is okay to have anxiety and that everyone has it. I just need to stay off the drink because I am a good guy-But a funny / monster when drunk. Your guy needs to realize that life is so much better without the drink. And gradually you see that it was all a waste of time. Some people aren't built to drink for fun. Just like some people aren't good with gluten. I wish I could go back and never had a drink. And I wish I could've realized this before I hurt some great loving women.

Joe I hope you are continuing to do well. Your post gives us a chance to see how the Binge drinker feels. I am currently in a relationship with a Binge drinker who goes off and disappears for 2-3 days and returns with out any explanation or a apology. He is a great guy otherwise but the drinking has ruined us... I can't trust him and have been disappointed one to many times. I have accepted that he will change only when he is ready... and that day may never come. I am now directing my focus on myself and my family...

Hey! I too am going through the same problem. I see this post has been over a year. Has anything changed?

what made you realize you had a problem?