I have been with my guy for about a year and four months. I will also be the first to tell you he is one tough cookie and extremely stubborn. He has openly admitted that he will push my buttons just to see how far he can go. He thinks no one is able to stay with him or put up with him. I usually fire the sarcasm right back. It sounds awful but it works. We are happy together and laugh all the time. We have spent every day together since making it official. He always told me that he was never going anywhere and that I was the best part about his life. That I was the one person he could count on.
Over the past couple months he has been totally messing with my mind. We will talk about huge relationship milestones but then a few days or weeks later when I bring it up he will either change his mind or laugh that I thought he was serious. It's been very difficult for me to cope with. Especially when he asked me to marry him and then 3 days later said he was just kidding and he isn’t ready. I don’t really understand BPD and maybe that is my problem. I take things too seriously or to personally. He is not medicated so his moods are very sporadic.
He has been very down and depressed about his job lately. He feels like he can never reach his own level of expectations. He isn’t his same fun goofy self and never wants to do anything. He even worked on his resume for 3+ weeks because his roommate guaranteed him an in but on the day of the "break" he found out he didn’t get the job.
Well lately I feel like I have been resenting him. I feel myself getting less and less patient and getting angry. He has started getting mad at me for the silliest things. For example, a month ago I purchased a plane ticket for him so he could go to his niece’s baptism (he's the godfather) and he FLIPPED OUT. He didn’t talk to me for days. I was just trying to help. And now this time, once again we fought over absolutely nothing and he left and refused to talk to me for a day.
I texted him saying that I needed to get my house keys out of his truck that I accidentally left there. When he came over he came inside and seemed off and immediately told me that he didn’t get the job he had desperately wanted. I hugged him and told him it was their loss but he seemed so cold. He went and sat down in my living room and I told him that I wanted to talk. I also said that I understood he wasn’t a talker and I just needed him to listen. I calmly explained that I can’t handle the no contact for days. Especially over something so miniscule. I told him that even if he explained and apologized for the over reaction that it would help immensely. He then told me that that is who he is and he doesn’t feel like he has to apologize. So I asked about what's going to happen when we are married and if we have kids. I asked if he could be okay with walking out on his kids too. And that’s when he lost his cool. He started saying over and over "This isn’t working out." I immediately started crying and was shocked. I kept asking why and basically begging for him to change his mind. All he kept saying was that he hurts me so much and I don’t deserve that. He said "You're crying and I don't even care. You don't deserve that." He also expressed that he never sees his friends and that he just doesn’t love me. I find that awfully hard to believe considering he constantly tells me how much I mean to him and he thanks me for staying by his side, not giving up on him and putting up with his personality. Finally I just told him to leave. He asked to get his things but I said I couldn’t handle it at that time so he left. I called about an hour later and he answered. He once again said that it just wasn’t working out. I asked him to come over and talk but he said that I would need to go to his place.
I went over in a heartbeat. He seemed cold and wouldn’t stop playing candy crush on his phone. I tried to act as if nothing happened and asked if he wanted to watch Netflix. He said yes. I tried to get cuddly and cozy and he was just not having it. So about a half hour into me being there I just gave up. I grabbed my jacket, apologized for being pushy and said that I respected his wish to break up. As I was walking away, he grabbed me and asked me to stay. Said he had changed his mind and said he just needed a break. Where we would stay together but give each other space. I asked if he was sure he wanted to break up and he said he just didn’t know. I then said I would respect his needs for space and go home, but he asked me to stay. He said the break can start tomorrow. He wasn’t cuddly or cozy all night and wouldn’t say I love you. In the morning I rolled over, said I was sorry and that I loved him very much. That's the last I have heard from him.
I gave him two days of silence and then sent one "Just thinking of you. Have a great day" text. I got nothing back so I have left him be. I also found out that he has been going out drinking (which he NEVER did when we were together). That scares me a little. I am not sure what to do. What if he is being promiscuous? Or what if he was just letting me down easy by asking for a break? How long should I leave him be? Is this normal behavior? Is he just in a manic episode?
We are still together but does that really mean anything to him?