I'm an 18 year old female and I have a small problem. I have a boyfriend who i've known for a long time we met in 3rd or 4th grade and have always been connected he was my best friend,anyway since we're both 18 and we've been dating for 3 years we decided we want to try sex the only problem was when we were about to start I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it because when I was younger I went to my old friend Jade's house and she had an older brother and Jade's parents asked him to watch us because he was 16 and they wouldn't be home for a few days. Me and Jade got mad at each other at one point and we both went to seprate parts of the house when that happened Jade's brother came up to me and since this wasn't my first time staying over I always thought he was nice.He sat down next to me and next thing i know his hands were in my pants and he was rubbing me I told him to stop but he didn't listen so I slapped him, he moved his hand and since he was bigger and stronger than me he carried me up the stairs to his bedroom and put me on his bed his door has a lock that needs the key to go in or out,he put the key in his dresser and undressed I tried to run but he caught me and pulled my pants off then my panties too, he put his penis into me which took a while and slowly went in and out he started going faster and harder and he was really hurting me I scratched him screamed at him to stop hoping Jade would hear me but Jade's house is pretty big and she was downstairs on the other side of the house and she fell asleep already he said "don't worry it's going to feel good soon" I screamd "NO! i'm going to tell my parents." He said he didn't care and then started sucking on my breast while I was squirming around trying to get loose but he had me pinned down,my breast weren't full size but they were a little big for my age(11). He kept me in his room for the entire night but when I woke up in the morning he was still asleep so I grabbed my clothes and went in his dresser for the key and got out I called my mother to come get me and when we got home I told them what had happened and my father went over there and punched him a little and my mom called the cops his parents were imformed and even thouth he's gone it's still hard for me to even really think about sex.My boyfriend's a nice guy and I love him with all my heart but I just can't have sex. I told him everything that happened and he understood but I feel like I want to have sex but when the time comes I just can't do it and I think it's starting to annoy him because it annoys me but he's never said anything about it. I just help forgetting this, and no I did not get pregnant because at the time I didn't have my period.
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Did you have any counseling for it at the time and I would say if you can to get some more as I may help, your never get it out your mind all together but you can learn to deal with it and not relate sex with your boyfriend to that with some help.
I wish you all the best and hope you manage to over come your fear, your boyfriend also seems like a very caring guy that loves you deeply :-)
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Hi Diamonds, I'd like to start by saying you are being very courageous by telling us your story. Secondly, I know what you're going through. I am 21 years old, when I was 11, my own father raped me. Not just once either. I was weak and never spoke up at the time, until I couldn't take it anymore, and after a year and a half of constant sexual abuse and rape, I finally told him to stop, though I didn't inform Authorities for another year. Even when I did, shockingly my mother refused to believe it, so when the police separated us kids and mum from my dad, she accused me of lying about it all just to break up the family. My family never forgave me for speaking up, all of them still think I'm lying, but I still see my sister, brother and mum. I have a daughter of my own, and it was hard for me the first time, actually consenting to sex, but what your boyfriend needs to remember is that he has no right to get annoyed at you for not being ready. Unless he has been through what you have been through, he has no right to judge you on your decisions concerning what YOU do with YOUR body. My advice to you is to just do what you feel comfortable with. If the thought of having sex still scares you (as I can understand it would), then wait a while longer. If he doesn't like it, then he isn't worthy of your beautiful heart. When you DO feel like you are ready, just remember to take things slowly. Make sure he's gentle, loving, and if you get scared at all, make sure he knows, and tell him to go a bit slower. Just go in steps, perhaps. Keep things above the clothes for a while, then when you're move comfortable with just touching, remove a layer or 2. Making love isn't a quick task, if you're doing it right, and sometimes it isn't all physical, it's mental and emotional connections too. :)
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