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Hello all!
I'm 17 turning 18 in June. My boyfriend is turning 18 in May. We've been together now for almost 4 months. Here's the dilemma; my parents don't know because they literally hate the guy. Well, my mom mostly. I really blame myself for getting into such a messy situation, I should have done things more smooth when they first encountered this boy.

In late October I had just called off a small romance with another boy, and my parents were really happy about that. I had a party with my friends, and me and my boyfriend to be had planned in advance that we'd watch a series of movies as a marathon. So even though my other friends had left and my parents come back, he stayed over reaaally late. Now, I didn't think anything of it because we've always had a bit of a "guest house", and I've had boys stay over really late before. Anyways, my parents didn't know that I had intended on having a party (Alcohol included, note drinking age here is 18) with boys. But she didn't think much of it, she was intoxicated too. A month went by and I found myself falling in love with this boy and he felt the same. One day, I asked my mom if he could come over (formally introduce them, in sober terms, properly), and she gave a critical negative. A few days later she found out that we had our relationship status on Facebook (I don't show mine, but he had it, and visible to friends of friends), and of course asked what the hell was that. I panicked and lied and said that it was a joke.. Stupid I know but my mom is a frightening woman. So then I told my boyfriend to hide his too, or at least that only his friends can see that. My mom of course saw this as a red flag that my boyfriend would be a terrible control freak and aggressive and obsessive, because he had put that relationship status without a) us not "really" being a couple and b) it wasn't mutual. I understood her point, but I just couldn't nag against her, she's always been very over analytic and stubborn as hell and I wouldn't have any say no matter how I explained it.

Christmas came along, and I, stupidly, invited a few friends over to watch movies, and he was one of them. My mom was infuriated to see him. Once they had left, she spoke to me in such a way that I felt nauseated and wanted to literally die. Not the fact that it's my boyfriend that sucks, but just the way she spoke to me and showed no signs of "doing this out of the act of love". Since then I've been keeping him a complete secret and I haven't even spoken of him. I'm just tired of constantly being on my toes if and when we get caught, and what would happen after that. Since my mom really doesn't let me even see my friends properly, the only time I can see him is after school before I go to the gym (he lives on the way there).

I'm seriously freaking out. I know that I am to blame for this chaos, and I know I am really stupid and teenage and naive, but note that this boy really feels right and we are best friends as also really fond of each other and he is so patient with me. (He comes from a very allowing household and has no real boundaries, as for me I have to cut our seeings short due to my mom etc.). My mom also tends to be a drama queen, and has never really approved of me or my brother seeing anyone, and gives hell to my brother for his bad choice of girlfriend, but since he is almost 20, she can't control him the same way. My mom is unemployed, depressed, obese and a partial alcoholic and doesn't really leave the house, so she has to live with my difficult, senile, narcissistic 24/7 intoxicated father and also carries a lot of worry for my brothers sake. So yeah, she doesn't have it easy as it is, and I'd hate to hurt her. Since I am the only support she has, I'd hate to disappoint her as well, but I still feel it's my life and my happiness. Sure, my boyfriend isn't perfect, he has flaws, but nobody is perfect and I'm not afraid to end a relationship if I have the slightest feeling of it being "wrong".

Also, my mom has definitely changed. She used to be really welcoming to all of my friends, but nowadays I can never really have a friend over because she's paranoid that they all are out to steal her jewelry. And I do great academically, and this boy motivates me to succeed, but not to impress him, but for my own sake.

Thank you for anyone who reads this novel, and thank you in advance for any advice!


Well, this certainly is a novel. But you have a lot to say. I actually sympathise with you all, but most of all you. At 17 years old it is quite possible, actually,even probable, that you will meet many other boys(men).
My advice to you is to take it easy with your mother, no matter what issues she may have.  Your parents should love you unconditionally, your boyfriend is only 18 and has a long way to go..
Not what you want to hear, but take it slow and dont rush into anything yet.