I have been on morphine sulfate for 4 years .(hit by drunk driver. fracturing my spine in several places. the doctor who saved my life...is leaving her practice this August. she referred me to another pain management doctor. my lab work results showed that I did not have the breakthru med in my system. I did not want to take it and so I did not...my current doctor knew all about it and never ran these tests on me. this is the federal pain management program. to be prescribed a break thru med they want you taking as prescribed every day...whether you need it or not. I do not want to do that? not me. I flushed them down the toilet...like any shocked grandmother would do. the Pain ManagementTherapist who interrogated me? had obvious body language and facial expression that she did not believe a word I was saying. they do not believe people who are truthful and without ulterior motives. they make you feel like a criminal....again. like they did when I first sought help for excruciating pain thru out my body. it violated my little faith to take a drug like morphine....it would have twice violated me to say yes to yet another addicting drug. I am rightly fearful of all these drugs and their side effects. I was abruptly informed with a phone call from the new pain management Therapist... that they can not help me with pain...because I am non-compliant. so I have been weaning myself off the morphine. I have until August to get free. I am using Kratom when it's too hard and that has helped. I am doing pretty good I think...having only used the kratom twice so far. I cut my 15 mg morphine sulfate tabs in half for the evening dose. I am down from 90 in the am and 90 in the pm to 15 in the am and 7.5 in the pm. I cry all the time it seems at the drop of a dime. every day. feeling sorrowful and hopeless over the state of the world...and our country. I am also weaning off an SSRI drug they prescribed for pain management before I found a doctor who would prescribe real pain medicine for me. one just can not stop taking those horrid drugs cold turkey. the withdrawal is more dangerous than the withdrawal of opioids. they knew that when prescribing it but did not tell me. brain zaps and paranoia are hard to live with. so I'm stuck at 10 mgs a day now. until they subside. then I will drop one day a week. until brain zaps start up again. then I'll be stuck there for awhile. it takes years from the high dosage they had little old me on for so long. they never told me about all that when they gave me the free samples. I feel like they saw me coming. another source of income thru the crazy insurance program...while making the unfortunate but mistake of trusting the government controlled doctors of today. I was hit by a drunk driver in 1994. it changed my life drastically. doctors have helped me and they have hurt me...and made me feel like a criminal trying to get a favor. my current compassionate doctor whoI believe God used to save my life.... is leaving the practice and I must get off the morphine because now I am classified...non-compliant. I am non-compliant with Federal Guidelines to be worthy of help with the pain I suffer through out my body. wow. I had been doing much better since finally getting over my faith issue about it all....by taking the more natural morphine sulfate...not the slow release one. the sulfate is closer to the natural. I am looking forward to the state I live in...making legal....medical marijuana for those who would much prefer natural medicine. praying and waiting. that seems to be another issue for them in a state where MM is not legal. I was very honest answering the multitude of questions on the Intake paperwork...where they asked about marijuana? I am very much for the legalization and say so. a member of NORML the therapist was the first one to talk to me. she said...*we see you smoke pot* ??? an assumption. I was stunned. no. I do not smoke anything. I have Pulmonary Fibrosis and smoke nothing. ever. have air cleaners thruout the house to help me breath better. never been a smoker except briefly in the teens. it was not for me. well.....I got tears and sat there sobbing. very upset because...I was finally okay with the notion...this morphine would be for the rest of my life...and was a blessing actually. but now...I am not compliant. I do not qualify. they barred me from the program. it's like a bad movie. thinking I was okay until I went to Heaven...to be able to enjoy my family. for the rest of my time. I have been home bound for the last 5 years due to my condition. finally got peace about it all and now it's not possible to continue the plan my current doctor had me doing. ~~ I got a whole lot of my life back...for a while. I got me out of the bed and back being able to cook for my husband and the family. I have been so happy to be back. I really wanted to be accepted at the new doctors...but had no idea what so ever that there would be a formal Interrogation. pages of personal information..and opinion questions. felt like the nightmare in Europe during WW 2. this is what happens when a drugged up nation easily manipulated ....gets lied to by the government. they vote the lying promise makers in and.... and here we are. those of us who still would like to be able to think for ourselves...are not worthy of medical help for managing severe pain. okay. this may be a blessing in disguise...which I must believe it is. it is just a shame that it has to happen this way...and to so many. I want to tell my story...I know I am not the only one. I care. I can not stop thinking...about all the information gathering going on...along with extensive lab tests that invade privacy......oh my. it makes anxiety start up...thinking too much about it. this is where my faith needs to remind me...that I am under His Wings. all that paperwork (information that will never go away now) and the Interrogation results by the Therapist...who...was...not very therapeutic. but very effective in reducing me to a puddle. I'm 62 years old. with no history of substance abuse. they said they can not help me. I am now...categorized as...Non-Compliant. (is that a new Faction?) no Pain Management place will accept me now...I am marked. and family doctors can no longer prescribe meds for pain management. nice governmental arrangement for gaining control over a nation of prescription drug-addicted people. wow. how cold. how nazi-like. they way they are treaing pain patients. ¾ of the Nations people are pain patients. they planned this. only those who will comply will receive help. good luck to the rest of us. okay. I am venting I do believe. I hope I am not out of line here. I came here to ask...is the hardest part yet to come for me? getting off the lowest dose? I want to know what to expect so I might not feel as fearful. we must meet Federal guidelines in order to be part of a system that seems to be dangerous for the people. or am I just paranoid in my withdrawal experience? I turned to Ayurvedic medicine and other alternative healing....for this part of my Journey...and the rest of my days. more so as this withdrawal...is getting harder on me...sometimes more than other times. I do not want give up the right to think for myself just to receive help. no thank you...I would rather live with the pain and keep trusting God to take care of me...in spite of all this. right now...it feels like I might never be okay again. I need to get okay...I am only 62 and I take care of a lot of injured and orphaned birds. there are 170 birds who depend on me every day. so I have a very big *family* who want me to be okay again too. I hope and pray others can find a safe way out of this nightmare ....of drugs we do not want to take...being pushed on us. I wish i could remain on the low dose of morphine that worked for me. which was 30 in the am...and 30 in the pm...that worked but the Rx was for 90 in the am and 90 in the pm. I had weaned down to 30 by the time I tried out for a new doctor and lost. my level of drug in my body was lower than prescribed. red flag to them..with no chance to explain what I was doing. to see how low a dose would suffice. no empathy or compassion when they decide to pull the plug. that is just too much control over innocent people. they pretty much told me...*can't help you. go die somewhere. we need compliance.* this is a new exclusion category in the Pain Management business? I was first accused of drug seeking behavior when asking for help.... and denied help. what is the right way to let a doctor know you just want to get some life back if possible without being branded a drug seeker. I was a pain relief seeker and they gave me hellish SSRI drugs. changing them every time a new one came out. that messed me up. . then God gave me a doctor who cares...now she's leaving and now...the place she referred me to...said no. can't help you. I got turned down for drug avoidance behavior? they will not help me...unless..I take more drugs than I want to. I am over the shock of it now. I need to see my experience as God's Hand in setting me free from a bad bad government control situation...and social experiment. they have no regard for individuals. they seem to see us as a crop to harvest for their own gain. I would like to hang out with my family longer.....having fun...and not be a burden like I suddenly am again...right now. not as bad as it could be...but it is a shame that things like this are happening all over our country to people who thru no fault of their own...became medically in need of pain relief. I did not think I would ever see the day where going to a doctor for help...(I am a now the grandmother of two and another on the way)...would require me to agree to do something I feel is wrong..(taking more drugs when one work adequately .I want to take the minimum....and it is not their minimum...so.... they can not help me. are their hands are tied? are these ...new rules?? I do not want to be angry or resentful over what has happened. right now...I feel scared and that is a terrible feeling...and my legs are cramping badly and that is a terrible feeling also when I already have arthritis thru out my body with ruptured disks pressing on nerves to deal with. well... I actually have much to be so thankful for...and I am..but this scared feeling is all over me. is this part of the withdrawal? I just took a tsp of kratom and within 20 minutes the muscle spasms have calmed down..but nausea overwhelms. never thought in a million years that I would be going thru something like this. they just pulled the plug on an elderly uncle of ours...in his 80's who has been taking opioid pain medicine for the last 50 years. a war veteran. he in his 80's and had to go thru cold turkey at home....and his wife and daughter were scared half to death...they thought he would die...and he very well could have. he did not..but now he is bed ridden when he was out there still active and enjoying and having a life. what a shame on America here. what can be done?? who do we write? what can we do?