I'm 17 wks pregnant and just having a hard time dealing with everything. The father was very supportive at first promised he was gonna be here every step of the way, but then one night I got a text that he just had alot to get straightened out in his life, I didn't hear from him for a month after that & when I finally did it was because I initiated contact. He said how he was sorry for all this and he didn't want it to be like this, that he'd call & talk to me & we'd figure things out. Again I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks after this. I've let him know when every dr appt is and made it clear to him that I still want him to be involved but still to no avail. He has two other kids so I just feel like they're more important to him then this baby, he was always all about his kids so I just don't understand how he just walked out on us like this, he was excited in the beginning & then it just changed. I can't help but wonder if his ex is the reason, not that he went back to her, but that she threatened him with his other two children, she'd told him when I got pregnant that she was going to take them and move. She's done nothing but try to hurt me (not physically) since she found out I was having a baby, (I live in a small town, so things get around) tried telling everyone that I don't even know its his, trash talked me to my own Grandma, her sister wrote me on fb trying to say all my friends are lauging at me and c**p. I've always pretty much kept to myself though, aside from my family I only have 3 friends that I talk to about things and I Know none of them are going behind my back so I know shes just trying to cause problems. Still I havn't told anybody about that bs cause I just don't want to deal with the drama, they're dumb and need to grow up, Its not like I can change the fact that i'm having her ex's baby & I just don't understand why she doesn't just accept it like an adult. I just wanted to be able to start my own family, to have the support from him, to be happy together but instead I'm alone with no desire to do anything, I get up & go to work during the week but once the weekend hits I have no intrest in doing anything or seeing anyone. I'm lucky to have my family close by & I know I should be happy that I at least have them but it just doesn't feel like enough, I just wish he were here to see our baby growing, to help me deal with everything. Its not like he's far away, he has to drive past my house every time he goes into town but he won't even stop once in a while to see us. I feel so alone, and I know it probably doesn't sound like it but I am excited about my baby, I've just started feeling movement and its amazing, but everytime I do I wish he were here to share it with. Its just so hard to know that I wasn't enough to keep him around so my baby had a daddy. I just need to know of any advise to dealing with the sadness and the feeling of being so alone so I can make it through....
Firstly, CMK- take heart & have faith; you WILL get through it alone if necessary. You're ex sounds like a dog and a bit of a stupid one at that! He could do things legally with his ex, which would stop- or at least make her think twice about her threats.
Secondly- your situation sounds very much like mine! The same thing happened with my son's father. Once he found out I was pregnant, he was supportive for about a week, then a 'friend' of mine who had fancied him for a long time, told him that he was the choice of two fathers. He wasn't, but despite me telling him that she was lying and trying to get in to his trousers- he chose to believe her and decided he didn't want to be a part of our lives. Although he liked throwing death threats at me- and even when the nasty cow admitted her lie, he claimed I had tried to trap him anyway! (I was on the pill, when I fell preggers btw!)
Yet I survived and thrived. My son is now 11 years old and one of the most polite, well-adjusted, brightest and independent children I have ever met. I stayed a single parent; I've rarely had boyfriends and never introduced them to my son and I certainly don't feel lonely. I went back to 'school'- got a university degree in psychology and now teach it; I have good friends and a house of my own. We go on holiday- this year we went to DisneyLand Paris for a week.
My son's father is a selfish, self-obsessed, worthless person; he puts his time, energy and money in to himself. Alcohol, Japanese knives and his friends are his only loves and that's pathetic. He has seen our son sporadically, but each time he cuts off contact when something doesn't go his way (for ex, when he's expected to pay maintainance). Recently, he had been seeing our son from April 2011 until Decemeber 2011- this time, our son cut off contact. As I said, he's a very bright lad and soon worked out what kind of person his father was. Mr Toss-pot started cancelling visits to go out with his friends; never had any money to take him anywhere and instead would simply sit him in front of the T.V at his flat- yet he was frequently advertising on Facebook that he was out drinking. My son also said that he would continually talk about himself and ignore things my son said.
Thing is, is I can't change my ex- and you can't change yours. If he wants to be a part of your baby's life- he will be. And no freaky ex will stop that. Your ex could sort visitation rights out with a solicitor (lawyer), if he was that determined to be free of her. He isn't.
As for you, stop pining and get strong. If he's not going to be a decent father, then you have to be a decent mother. Also have some respect for yourself- if he finds it that easy to walk out of your life, don't make it so easy for him to walk in to it. Please don't let someone control you and use you, because given the chance- he will.
Oh and sort out child-support a.s.a.p- if he isn't supporting you and your child emotionally, he should at least feel the financial costs.