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I had a abortion at well from what I calculated it was 11 wks and when I went in there they said I was 12 wks. I don't know if they said that cause it was more money for over 11 wks, but anyways I was so depressed and upset and disgusted and didn't want this baby even though I thought I did and we planned this pregnancy and anyways I went and had this abortion done, btw this is my 2nd one and the first one was well irrelevant and I didn't regret it or think twice about it but because this one was with someone I love I regret it so much. We been together on and off for 2 yrs. I keep thinking I would feel the baby by now or soon I'd know what it was and the worst part was that I lied to my fiancee and told him I was going to the doctor, my first visit and had this done and told him that there was no fetal heartbeat and they had to perform a D&C. I feel so bad for lying to him, but I CAN'T tell him the truth it would kill him as it's slowly killing me. I already have a son that will be 13 next year and I just felt as if why start over and I'm about to graduate from college, I never wanted anymore kids but he kept dropping hints saying this or that till the point it was like brainwashed in my head to have a baby. Anyways, the thing is now I took one pack of b/c pills and was suppose to start on my 2nd pack but I didn't b/c he wants us to try again and Yes I want my baby back, but the one that I GOT rid of. I am so ashamed that I did this to him. Now I'm going back and forth of whether or not to get pregnant again, next week are my fertile days as I've already researched and calculated all this, but IDK if its guilt that I want to try again or if I'm solely doing this for him, but I fear in the long run I'm gonna regret it again and by no means will I ever have another abortion again. I'm 30 yrs old and by the time my child graduates this one will be starting Kindergarten. I can't help but think of all the negatives like diapers, bottles, no sleep and what if were not always together which is a good possibility b/c we fight somewhat and I don't trust him b/c of his past drug history and I'm afraid that he'll do drugs again or if he is now I suspect sometimes he and I would BE DONE and I would be a single mom again. IDK what to do as to try to conceive again and I would have secretly taken my b/c pills if he didn't already see them and ask about them. On one hand I want a baby, but do I want one for the RIGHT reasons and on the other I definitely don't. Someone I know you can't tell me WHAT 2DO, but you can give me advice as to what I should do. Were suppose to get married this next month and I'm afraid thats just going to end in a disaster eventually. since my abortion I have been so focused on baby sites and baby this and baby that that I'm obsessed and now that its getting closer to the fertile dates I'm freaking out. hes a sex fiend anyhow. I think I may be grieving mostly about the baby I lost and if I had time to process this I might be able to answer my own question, but right now I'm on a time limit it seems. SORRY for writing a book. ADVICE????

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I think you're right that given time you would answer your own question, but I'm gonna give you my opinion do with it what you want. I say you should convince him that you guys should wait to have a baby until after you're married for lets say a year. This will give you time to grieve and really decide if you want to have another baby and it will also give you an idea how well the marriage is going to work. Give yourself time and if you want to have a baby you'll more than likely have it for the right reasons. Don't rush into anything you're going to regret and dont put yourself through all the misery again. Hope you can figure it out, good luck.
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I know that's what I should do, but I laid in bed all last night and thought about it over and over again. I thought about all the positives and the negatives and what my life would be like, but of what I did aka the lying I feel as if I owe it to him to give him what he wants and he can't seem to understand why I would want to wait and I can't very well tell him. I just wish I could and let the cards fall where they may, but I'm chicken sh*t and I'm not going to. I don't know if I do this again if I will regret it, but I feel as if I need to try. If anything its 9 months, I could always choose adoption... lol. Like he'd let that happen.... UGH!! I just wish I would have secretly taken my b/c pills and pretended and that would have given me time to adjust. Too late for that tho. I guess I got all wkend to decide on what to do. If I know me and I'm pretty sure I do, I'll try again cause in spite of all of this, maybe I do want a baby and not for the reasons I posted, but b/c I want one and also to share that with him. Who Knows, Only God can tell me and he hasn't been that much help with an answer... lol. I guess we'll see....
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allycat1424 wrote:

mythoughts79 wrote:

I had a abortion at well from what I calculated it was 11 wks and when I went in there they said I was 12 wks. I don't know if they said that cause it was more money for over 11 wks, but anyways I was so depressed and upset and disgusted and didn't want this baby even though I thought I did and we planned this pregnancy and anyways I went and had this abortion done, btw this is my 2nd one and the first one was well irrelevant and I didn't regret it or think twice about it but because this one was with someone I love I regret it so much. We been together on and off for 2 yrs. I keep thinking I would feel the baby by now or soon I'd know what it was and the worst part was that I lied to my fiancee and told him I was going to the doctor, my first visit and had this done and told him that there was no fetal heartbeat and they had to perform a D&C. I feel so bad for lying to him, but I CAN'T tell him the truth it would kill him as it's slowly killing me. I already have a son that will be 13 next year and I just felt as if why start over and I'm about to graduate from college, I never wanted anymore kids but he kept dropping hints saying this or that till the point it was like brainwashed in my head to have a baby. Anyways, the thing is now I took one pack of b/c pills and was suppose to start on my 2nd pack but I didn't b/c he wants us to try again and Yes I want my baby back, but the one that I GOT rid of. I am so ashamed that I did this to him. Now I'm going back and forth of whether or not to get pregnant again, next week are my fertile days as I've already researched and calculated all this, but IDK if its guilt that I want to try again or if I'm solely doing this for him, but I fear in the long run I'm gonna regret it again and by no means will I ever have another abortion again. I'm 30 yrs old and by the time my child graduates this one will be starting Kindergarten. I can't help but think of all the negatives like diapers, bottles, no sleep and what if were not always together which is a good possibility b/c we fight somewhat and I don't trust him b/c of his past drug history and I'm afraid that he'll do drugs again or if he is now I suspect sometimes he and I would BE DONE and I would be a single mom again. IDK what to do as to try to conceive again and I would have secretly taken my b/c pills if he didn't already see them and ask about them. On one hand I want a baby, but do I want one for the RIGHT reasons and on the other I definitely don't. Someone I know you can't tell me WHAT 2DO, but you can give me advice as to what I should do. Were suppose to get married this next month and I'm afraid thats just going to end in a disaster eventually. since my abortion I have been so focused on baby sites and baby this and baby that that I'm obsessed and now that its getting closer to the fertile dates I'm freaking out. hes a sex fiend anyhow. I think I may be grieving mostly about the baby I lost and if I had time to process this I might be able to answer my own question, but right now I'm on a time limit it seems. SORRY for writing a book. ADVICE????


I think you're right that given time you would answer your own question, but I'm gonna give you my opinion do with it what you want. I say you should convince him that you guys should wait to have a baby until after you're married for lets say a year. This will give you time to grieve and really decide if you want to have another baby and it will also give you an idea how well the marriage is going to work. Give yourself time and if you want to have a baby you'll more than likely have it for the right reasons. Don't rush into anything you're going to regret and dont put yourself through all the misery again. Hope you can figure it out, good luck.


I know that's what I should do, but I laid in bed all last night and thought about it over and over again. I thought about all the positives and the negatives and what my life would be like, but of what I did aka the lying I feel as if I owe it to him to give him what he wants and he can't seem to understand why I would want to wait and I can't very well tell him. I just wish I could and let the cards fall where they may, but I'm chicken sh*t and I'm not going to. I don't know if I do this again if I will regret it, but I feel as if I need to try. If anything its 9 months, I could always choose adoption... lol. Like he'd let that happen.... UGH!! I just wish I would have secretly taken my b/c pills and pretended and that would have given me time to adjust. Too late for that tho. I guess I got all wkend to decide on what to do. If I know me and I'm pretty sure I do, I'll try again cause in spite of all of this, maybe I do want a baby and not for the reasons I posted, but b/c I want one and also to share that with him. Who Knows, Only God can tell me and he hasn't been that much help with an answer... lol. I guess we'll see....
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