Hi Friends,
THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL AND AT JUST 20 DAYS CLEAN, I AM FINALLY IN THE LIGHT!! THis is long, but if you are quitting or thinking of quitting, reading this all the way through may really help you in a new way, not because of me, but because of some things that I feel called to tell you.
I am starting a new post in light of my recent recovery from Subutex (Suboxone minus the Naloxone), although I was also on Suboxone. I am writing this so that you may ask me any questions you may have and so that I can try and help. I have been reading among hundreds of posts online and I have found little in the area of positive recovery stories. This made me so afraid of what my own process would be like, but in reality, it was not a three month journey by any means!
A little about me. I am a female in my upper twenties and I used Suboxone for 1 year and was then put directly onto Subutex for another 2 years after becoming pregnant. So a total of three years. I was started at 16 mg a day and immediately lowered myself to 8 mg the second day on. The last three years have been a rollar-coaster of upping my dose back to 12 mg and then slowly weaning down to 2 mg, and finally to 1 mg or less when I jumped off. I was put on Suboxone originally from a Percocet physical dependancy turned into an addiction.
The following is the truth of my journey with advice and things I tried written into the day by day log that I have tried to consolidate and then I have a recap in the end SOME BENEFITS TO QUITTING YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF YET. Now that I not only see the light at the end but I am also IN THE LIGHT, I have learned some things that I will pass along, some things that may help you and some things that may hurt you as found in your own journey (my opinion, sometimes paired with my Dr's opinion FOR ME, not to override your own physician's advice).
Day 1: On Friday, May 27, I took my last tiny bread crumb piece at 10:00 am. I was into full WD by that night b/c I had been weening a lot the prior two weeks, so my body was already upset with me. That night, I took one clonidine as prescribed by my Dr.
Day 2: The following day, the 28th was the worst. One of those days that you just hope you can make it through at any cost. I took so many hot bathes, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cold sweats, body aches, slight headache. Not much sleep that night
Day 3: May 29th was a TINY bit better, but not much. I pushed myself to go to church to seek prayer(had to be driven though), and I am really grateful I did because I saw more rapid improvement thereafter as I continued to lean fully on Jesus. Monday the 30th, a bit better from the day before. I was able to watch television without crying at every single happy or sad message and change a diaper to help my fiance' out.
Day 4: By Tuesday, the 31st, I was able to walk around outside for spurts. Each night through this night I only slept on and off for maybe three hours max. I also went to the Dr. on this day and he let me know that he did not reccomend taking immodium while in opiate WD b/c it acts as an opiate to some degree and may not help with the detox. Also, he told me not to take Ultram (which I had at home), or Xanax during WD (not to take place of your Dr's medical advice). The Xanax, however, he told me I could take only at night and only on the rare occasion when I HAD to. I can say that it didn't do a thing to help me sleep, but I only took one pill.
Day 5 & 6: By Wednesday and Thursday (June 1 & 2) the symptoms became managable. My appetite was returning well. The more active I tried to be, the better I felt (but don't push it too early, you'll know when it becomes possible-not easy, but possible). I still felt crappy for sure, but that prickly-jump out of your skin creepy feeling was going away, only returning at night when I was trying to sleep-blah. I tried to take trazodone to sleep, and it did help the one night, but I felt groggy in the morning. I recommend letting your body return to normal on its own. As you will see, your sleep cycle will return to normal, and it won't be so far away that you are lifeless and minus a million or more brain cells.
Day 7 & 8: By Friday and Saturday, (June 3 & 4) I was able to walk fairly far distances, it took effort, but I was able. I was also able to sit for extended periods without only thinking about my bodily symptoms. I still had trouble sleeping, but massage began to feel good again and finding a place where you can keep your mind occupied but don't have to overly exert yourself works wonders. I cannot tell you how much this helps. Try playing cards with friends. Your mind if consumed, you are forced to communicate (relatively effectively) and pay attention. Movies didn't cut it for me just yet, nit enough stimulation to override the neurotransmitters doing their best to force my focus on sickness.
Day 9 & 10: By Sunday, (June 5) I was able to drive well. I drove to Church with my family and was able to eat like a crazy person. I was able to eat so well in fact, that I wondered if Subutex didn't curb my appetite. Don't fear though, I think it was my body's way of making up for the weight I lost in my first week as opposed to packing on the lbs, it leveled out.
Day 11: By monday, (June 6) I started to think that I was learning what normal felt like again, just 11 days in. I was laughing again and able to go out. I was still very lethargic though and motivation was given by divine intervention when God knew I needed it (I can't even explain how amazing it is that when God says He will never give you more than you can handle, it is true!)
Day 12-Day 15: Tuesday-Friday, June 7-June 10: The next several days I saw constant but slow improvement. That is not to say that this was a bad thing b/c I was feeling quite good in fact. I was still having trouble sleeping, but by Friday night, I was sleeping nearly 6 hours, waking only to use the bathroom and then able to fall back asleep. I would compare these days with being just at the tail end of a cold, where you are ready to be totally better, but you can see that from where you came from, you can totally deal with some tiny minor symptoms, bring it on!
Day 16, Saturday, June 11th: On this night, I feel asleep within 15 minutes after I laid down. No meds, no help, just reworking of the good ol' fashioned sleep cycle! GOOD NEWS, ONCE YOUR SLEEP CYCLE BEGINS TO COME BACK, IT SEEMS TO STAY THAT WAY! I pray at night when I go to bed and I find that I have been falling asleep mid prayer every night lately. It is truly amazing. I started praying for God to lul me to sleep with his hands and maybe at the word, "hands", Lights out.
Day 17: Sunday, June 12th. Went to church, felt good. Went to a museum, felt a tiny bit tired, but was happy! TAKING A SHOWER RIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP IS SO GREAT. YOU GO FROM FEELING LETHARGIC TO READY TO GO IN 10 MINS! I highly recommend pushing yourself to do this first thing, even when you don't feel like it right away.
Day 18: Monday, June 13th. Wow, I felt great this day. I will never forget getting up and cleaning the house, driving to do errands, carrying my baby around again with ease. I realized at about noon, AM I BACK? IS THIS IT, HAVE I REALLY MADE IT? I think that being on Subutex/Suboxone so long, we forget what normal was exactly like until we feel it again without drugs, and then it hits us, this is GOOD, this is it. Normalcy for me didn't last every minute of everyday, but I can say that by Monday, day 18, I was remembering what I was like before drugs because I was getting back to ME.
Day 19 and 20: June 14th and 15th, Tuesday and Wednesday. I have never done so much in one day the entire time I was on Subutex and Suboxone as I did on these two days. IT WAS LIKE MY MOTIVATION WAS BACK, AND MAN, IT IS SO MUCH STRONGER AND BETTER THAN WHEN ON SUBOXONE, EVEN AT DAY 19 & 20 OFF. I CAN'T WAIT FOR WHAT IS TO COME. I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERYONE, BUT THERE ARE MORE BENEFITS TO GETTING OFF OF SUBOXONE, SUBUTEX THAN JUST NOT TAKING A PILL! I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT AND I FELT LIKE A CLOUD WAS LIFTING OFF OF MY BRAIN. I CAN REMEMBER THINGS SO EASILY. MY INSTANTANEOUS PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY IS BACK! I AM ACTIVE AND WANT TO GET OUT AND DO THINGS ALL THE TIME. I WANT TO HELP OTHERS. I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE USED (FOR GOD'S WORK) NOW, AND THAT I AM REALLY READY AND CAPABLE. I FORGAVE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT HURT ME THAT I HELD ONTO FOR SO LONG ON THE SUB. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FAMILY HAS GONE FROM OKAY TO HORRAY!!. I AM NOT WALKING AROUND IN A CLUMSY, DEPRESSIVE STATE ANOY LONGER! MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS STRONG AND I AM LEARNING TO TRUST GOD COMPLETELY IN THE GOOD AND WORST TIMES. I THANK JESUS FOR THE PAIN I FELT. HE ASKS FOR ME TO TRUST THAT HE MAKES ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD. WOW, IT DID WORK FOR GOOD. I ENCOURAGE YOU, IF YOU FEEL CALLED, TO ASK FOR GOD TO SHOW YOU WHO HE IS, TO GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO LIVE IN YOU. MY LIFE IS NOTHING WITHOUT HIM, AND I THINK ABOUT HOW I COULD HAVE GONE MY WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT GIVING HIM THE CHANCE TO SHOW ME HOW REAL & MIRACULOUS & LOVING HE IS. WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I COULD HAVE MADE. I CAN'T BLAME GOD FOR THE BAD CHOICES I MADE AS AN ADICT, BUT I NOW KNOW THAT HE WAS WAITING FOR ME AND SAVING ME THIS WHOLE TIME. LOOK AT US, WE'RE ARE ALIVE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WO WITH THIS ONE LIFE?
I am now on day 21. I feel really good. I feel no bodily symptoms and far less anxiety than when I was on Subutex/Suboxone and before I began taking it. I feel like I was made new again. All this, and even though I feel really good, I am still feeling better every day! Don't rely on other's stories of horror. I feel absolutely terrible for these individuals that suffered long and hard. I know how powerful these meds are and how our brains are even more powerful. I also now know that if I want to sit an think about how sick I am and how this will never get any better, than that is how I feel. When I made it at least a week, I began telling myself a new story, I can do it with God's grace, I am almost there, I am not going to be a statistic with a horror story. I have a purpose and a reason to be here. I am getting better, not just every day, but every minute. It's like getting paid in normalcy and joy 24 hours a day, by the minute. No desire to take a pill. Big desire to take a step into a new life for me, my family and God's will for my life.
PLEASE CONTACT ME WITH QUESTIONS AND/OR PRAYER REQUESTS. I WOULD LOVE TO PRAY FOR YOU IN YOUR RECOVERY. I WOULD BE HONORED & HUMBLED TO DO SO, AND I KNOW IT WILL HELP. EVEN IF YOU AREN'T SURE OF THE POWER OR GOD.... I AM, AND GOD PROMISES TO LISTEN. THANK YOU FOR READING. GOD BLESS YOU. "AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
Psalm 121:1-2
“I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (NIV)
2 Corinthians 12:9a
“But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (NIV)
Isaiah 41:10
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (NLT)
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (NKJV)
Psalm 103:12
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (KJV)
Hebrews 10:25a
“Let us not give up meeting together, …but let us encourage one another.” (NIV)
1 Thessalonians 5:11
“So encourage each other and give each other strength, just as you are doing now.” (NCV)
Isaiah 43:2
“When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.” (NLT)
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (KJV)
2 Corinthians 12:9
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (KJV)
Romans 8:1
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (KJV)
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (KJV)
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Dear Thank God,
I just wanted to thank you for your amazing 'diary of detox' and words of encouragement. My husband became addicted to Hydrocodone after being in a near death hospital accident which kept him in a coma for 4 weeks and then recovery for several months. He entered a 'detox' facility back on Nov 4, 2010 where they had him detox for 7 days and then they immediately put him on Methadone. The meth phase lasted 6 1/2 months and then he switched to Suboxone (because he was told this would help ween him - what a joke!). He got down to 1/2 a mg and Friday, June 24 was his last day of it. He has been fighting through the cold turkey process ever since.
He has been going to work every day (I have no idea how) and working at least 8 if not 9 hours. I have no experience with detoxing or anything like that except for being married to someone so I honestly have no idea what he is going through, but reading your words was like reading what he has been feeling and going through.
I have been leaning on God quite a bit for this issue and our church body and pastor are aware of what has been going on but again I don't think many of them 'get' what Mike is going through.
I have tried to encourage Mike to go to church and I pray on Sunday he will come back with me but he's just hurting so bad in the stomach I'm just not sure how he will feel in two days.
I read your words to him including the beautiful bible verses you posted and he cried. He is very sensitive to begin with and I know they encouraged him.
As I said, I am writing to thank you for your honesty and your words of encouragement. If there is anything else you can share we would love to hear from you. Please keep my husband in your prayers. His name is Mike.
God Bless you and your family!
Janice
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hi, i have read your post and i can relate in many ways, it took me 3 weeks, still ahve trouble sleeping sometimes but its been over 2 months so i don't think its the suboxone anymore, resetting my body clock finally! i jumped off 20mg, double dosing and only 10mg of valium at the same time. I am now in a different place and its good to laugh again. I am having trouble finding god, and need to get my head straight, I sometimes get weird messages which can be hard to deal with, and i wonder if i spent too many years on the maintenance program, its been 12 years years, 6 half months free in between but relapsed that was after coming off methadone 5 years ago. went on suboxone after that. Is it power of the mind or soul or both. Can god care about me? i see that you are strong and have incredible faith, i admire your success. I jumped off with no support, and hardly smoked pot, but have been drinking for a few years, which i have now stopped, only recently, don't need another demon in me or holding me with such powerful hands. Am i selfish to ask you to pray for me? I still have trust issues with certain people, and have pushed many out, as we sometimes do. I'm glad there is hope and I thank you for being open and so kind to offer help. It can get hard but it is possible. I agree with not wanting to become a statistic but it can be difficult when sometimes i still feel that i can't go on. not that i want to return to suboxone ever its just different being clean after so long. Suboxone helped me deal with emotional pain i think, or block it out ? but now i don't feel much sometimes, is it possible that my brain chemistry has been changed forever because of it? i hope you reply soon or when you can.
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Hey there fellow former and current addicts. I'll start by saying that I had a pretty bad opiate addiction for about 4 years. It started when I had my jaw broke and they gave me some great liquid stuff, then that followed with my wisdom teeth, more pain killers. Weened off, no prob (I was 18 and took them as instructed and sold some. No dependency). Then my lung collapsed on new year 2000. In the hospital, on percs and morphine for a month. Then when released stay on percs for a while more. But again, took as instructed....had a little harder time giving em up, but no withdrawals. Then I move to florida.....the friggen pain-killer capital of the US! wtf! I didn't know that for a while. Got caught up with the wrong people, and that's where it began. I gotta say one thing....and I'll probably get some hell on here for this.........BUT THERE IS NO REASON FOR A DR. TO PUT YOU ON SUBS FOR MORE THAN 2-3 weeks. I know everyone in here has withdrawn from opiates at one point or another. And how long did the worst of it last? 3......4......maybe 5 days??? Why would you need to be put on something for 8 months to detox. NO POINT. I did it that way, and that was just switching one drug for another. Yes, they say Suboxone doesn't get you "High", after a few doses. Sure, maybe you aren't lit up like on pain-killers. But you are on a drug that you think makes you feel "Normal". Unfortunately for most of us, we forgot what normal is like. I recommend taking subs for 2-3 weeks. If you think you're avoiding withdrawals, you're mistaken. You must withdraw, no matter what. Your body has been abused. So while it trains itself to get back to normal........you suffer. I took subs on and off for the last 6 months. Weened. I'm on day 19 of being free of any of that. I still have sleep issues. Getting up at night to piss, then having a little trouble getting back to sleep. I get annoyed with waking up as soon as the sun cracks its head (6:00am). Cause once I'm up, I'm up. For some reason I can't nap, either. They also say sub withdrawal is easier. Wrong. Maybe the first few days are milder than Opiate w/d, but you won't see the difference. You will still suffer. But it DOES get better. I think the sub w/d definitely made me never wanna touch a painkiller. And after 19 days, I still don't. My appettite came back after about 4 days. I had to force food down the first few days. And I tried to only eat healthy foods. I looked up every forum for help.....and it does help. But there's stories that'll scare you too. Like PAWS (Post acute withdrawal syndrome), which pops up 6 months to a year later. And that's when most addicts relapse. But check out the Thomas Recipe. Although, I don't agree with it 100%, it's a good guide. I don't recommed b12, as you are gonna have anxiety issues....and that seems to heighten them. I'd avoid coffee and sweets for a bit. And everyone says it, and I live by it.....EXERCISE IS A HUGE HELP. Like she noted, not too much at first. Your body will tell u if its had enough. I started out by light cleaning, then walking, then eventually around day 9 I started swimming in the pool alot. Something about water is so therapeutic (Thus why I took about 4 showers a day). I do take vitamins to get my brain n body back to normal. Some detox places to Enzyme treatments. Since I have no insurance, I bought a bottle of L-Tyrosine 500mg at walgreens. Thomas Recipe says start at 2000mg, and if that's too much try lowering. Well, I say start at 500mg. Work ur way up to 2000mg. If you start high, you get jitters. I was taking a multivitamin, but if you read up on that....they're a farce. Take Vit C, B6, Fish oil 3x's daily (good for the brain). Blood pressure meds help if you can get them. Ani-anxiety meds help a bit. But don't replace your drug. I hear benzo withdrawal is hell too. If you have insurance, see a dr. NOT A CLINIC. I mean, see a therapist. To get all that sh*t off your chest is amazing. You know you have sinned during your addiction. Picked opiates over people, just to avoid withdrawal. We all do this. It's when we realize what we're doing to ourselves and others....that it usually becomes clearer. We're effed up. Having support from family or friends is major. Or you're gonna have to lie and say you have the flu. But I felt better telling someone and hoping I wasn't judged poorly. I can honestly say I feel a ton better. No dependency on drugs. I do smoke a lil reefer to control my anxiety sometimes. The depression and anxiety seem to stay for a while. That's also why I recommend the dr. And don't lie. Patient/DR confidentiality. It's so good to get that stuff of your chest, I promise. In your first few days of detox, you're gonna think "what the hell, this was suppose to be easier than opiate withdrawal>?!". Sorry tho, it's really not. It's slightly milder and takes MUCH longer. That's why I say just take subs for 2 weeks. Maybe 3. Forget what your money hungry "Dr" says. I called a 1-800 drug hotline.....explained my troubles with suboxone withdrawal. Told him that I tried methadone to get off opiates once too. What did he do? He recomended me to a clinic to get on suboxone or methadone. WTF is that????? Don't feel that they care about you. Cause they don't. They care about your $12 per visit. You're just another addict in their eyes. They understand w/d from what they see. They don't know the actual hell of it all. So, if this helps anyone, and I hope it does.....Then I got my point across. Feel free to email me if needed. I love helping others, and hate the B.S. of opiates and the people that provide them. Also, if you haven't deleted the numbers of your "connections" out of your celll......or stopped talking to them......you're failing already. That is a must. They also only care about your almighty dollar. If you stop calling them, they aren't gonna call on you to check up on you. Trust me.
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Hey.
just wanted you to know that you helped me more than you know. I am in the w/d process at the moment. i am on day 4 (eve) and am feelin much better. im no where near done yet but already know that certain syptoms are fadeing. my low mood seem's to be the nxt obstacle i need to get over. i did go to the call of god today as you did and am glad i did. now i know i really do have unwavering help (praise be to god) he is in my life for good.
THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. xx
just wanted you to know that you helped me more than you know. I am in the w/d process at the moment. i am on day 4 (eve) and am feelin much better. im no where near done yet but already know that certain syptoms are fadeing. my low mood seem's to be the nxt obstacle i need to get over. i did go to the call of god today as you did and am glad i did. now i know i really do have unwavering help (praise be to god) he is in my life for good.
THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. xx
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I'm on day 7 of cold turkey Suboxone and I'm wondering how long this is going to last. Day 4-6 I was not bad since I'm taking xanax. But it's getting pretty bad now. I was taking A half a sub a day total. Just wanna know if there's anything to make it less painfully and more importantly how long will it last till I feel better.
Thanks
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I took my last dose of Suboxone last night and after reading a load of horror stories I was scared of the out come of what was to follow. This morning I woke at 5the am and read tour testimony and cried the whole way through. I now know it is going to be ok just because of the grace of God. He wanted.me to see read this and see through Him all things really are possible. You just do not understand how you have touched me this morning with Gods glory. I want to thank you for the kind words and scripture I now know im going to make it just fine. I know there will be bumps in the road but there is an end. Thank you so much again. Oh and pray for.me too as I go through this I know im gonna need it.
God bless
Bman
God bless
Bman
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i am searching the internet for answers but I am so confused. I was taking 10- 8mg of suboxone a day. Quit cold turkey and to be honest I am having very minimal withdrawels. Some posts from other sites say it takes 7 days to start but from this site it seems to start right away. I am on day 3 so I hope I am getting a break from the man above. Any suggestions
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I had a severe addiction to narcs and turned to suboxone for help. They worked wonders for me ( and would continue to do wonders if I used them correctly. I quickly got to 10 - 8mg a day. I have been doing this for 3 years. I quit cold turkey on Tuesday and have felt minimal withdrawels. I cant get off this easy. Witn the narcs I wanted to DIE when I was going thru withdrawels. So many sites and posts are giving me too many differant answers. I am hoping this is not the calm before the storm. Any thoughts?
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I am like you - I am scared to death because of all the horror stories I am reading.
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hi I have been on subutex for years for multiple sclerosis and the pain. I have begun to decrease it to 16mg as i was on 32. I am starting to get depressed is this normal I am happy for you keep doing what you are doing. i also believe Jesus will get me through if i but ask.
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Hi ThankGod! I don't know if you still check for replies to your post but I have someone very close to me who is currently coming off of Suboxone after being on it for 6 yrs. Your post is the only one I saw that was TRULY positive. I would very much like to know how you are doing now. It seemed to me that your post was very matter of fact but also very encouraging. Because I rely on my Lord & Savior for the ins & outs of my life, I greatly appreciated that you told how He helped you thru this & the Bible passages your listed @ the end are all some of my favorites & so very appropriate. I am trying to figure out a way to get your post to my dear one. Maybe I can copy & past it. Thanks so much for your post!
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I am on day 19 off suboxone and even though it is getting a little easier each day I am still in so much pain. I haven't slept in almost 3 weeks and am just praying everyday that there is an end soon.
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I myself have been through the Suboxone ringer. It took over a week to be totally free from it. But now im free. Im free from all drugs and GOD is a big part of this for anyone. Don't look too much into the negative feedback from others with the horror stories of this reason being most people once they are through it that's it they don't come back to the forums because its behind them now and they haven't looked back. Only reason im here is an email popped up from this site.
If your here in search of knowledge on how to jump off Suboxone taper down by 2-3 week intervals each time cutting your dosage in half. Then cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms vary from person to person keep loperamide(imodium), klonopin, aspirin, and warm showers at the ready. Just remember it can be done. This Suboxone drug in my opinion isn't safe its worse than the opiates you were on.
If you are here looking to get off opiates go to your doctor and be honest. He will safely direct you on getting off. Stay away from Suboxone
If your here in search of knowledge on how to jump off Suboxone taper down by 2-3 week intervals each time cutting your dosage in half. Then cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms vary from person to person keep loperamide(imodium), klonopin, aspirin, and warm showers at the ready. Just remember it can be done. This Suboxone drug in my opinion isn't safe its worse than the opiates you were on.
If you are here looking to get off opiates go to your doctor and be honest. He will safely direct you on getting off. Stay away from Suboxone
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