You aren't paying attention. Vaginismus is when the muscles are too tight. This is not muscle contraction. This is surface sensitivity , not internal. My marriage was ruined because a stupid doctor told me to give him sex. I couldn't believe he would have sex with me while I was in pain.
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If you haven't yet been diagnosed I would say you have vulvadynia/ vestibulitus. Look up on google.
I went 2yrs with the run around before I was properly diagnosed 17yrs ago. I went years w/o sex with my husband bc the pain was so intense. The 1st thing I found was the right laundry detergent (Kirkland. It's a zero perfume kind), no soap/cleansers EVER on my pelvic region. Even rinse my hair upside down so nothing goes down my body. No bicycle type seats, tight jeans, etc. I also take Laminine (look it up. Not sure all why it works but 2-3 per day for 2m made it better. After 6m I went off for a month & flared up (been on it now daily for 5yrs and I have had small (1-2 days) little flares 1-2x per year.
I've found that taking a 10min nightly soak in a water only bath (just enough to soak my pelvic area... 1st washing off any lotions on my legs so I'm only in water) really helps. Also I do this before and after intercourse. My husband also washes off (pelvic region & his hands), and has a clean mouth if he gives me oral (meaning brush teeth & lots of water).
Most often my husband does NOT ejaculate inside me. This is a huge help. Also plain Crisco is the best natural lubricant my GYN Specialist recommends. I also use Coconut Oil.
Most teaching hospitals (like Oregon Healthy Science Unitversity or Mayo Clinic) have GYN's who specialize in the diagnosed & treatment for it. Don't stop advocating for your life.
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Your stories sound like mine. Look up vestibulitis. There are many approaches. I finally had that part surgically removed with total success.
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