Hey everybody, I'm looking for some advice and information on weed and mental illness. About a year and a half ago I smoked weed (note: it was only like my fifth or sixth time getting high in one year) and had a very bad trip in which I was very anxious and got paranoid that friends were laughing at me, and there was some anger directed towards them also. It was really intense and I kept feeling really guilty that I had caused this on myself--changed my brain forever or something. It was super different from what my friends (who also smoked that time) experienced-- they were laughing and happy. But it completely changed me. Shortly afterwards I took a trip to the east coast to visit a friend for three weeks and when I flew back home I felt very different, like my memory was foggy, I was EXTREMELY anxious around close friends and felt very vulnerable and terrified of what was happening to me. I was very anxious, especially in social situations, and developed some sort of thought disorder in which I would get racing thoughts, but oddly I couldn't describe the thoughts to my family. I was tired a lot and had negative perceptions of the world, not to mention just a very anxious outlook on everything. But it was absolute hell. I lost all my friends in the last year and a half. I used to have many friends and was healthy and felt very "me", and I feel now that I am on some kind of road to recovery after smoking and am gradually, maybe, becoming myself again. I also have had mild depression and anger episodes and a weird changing daily pattern (for instance, I'll be foggy headed and anxious in the morning and think clearer and be more moody at night.).

Does any of that sound familiar to any of you who've had this reaction or know of it? Also just the fact that my symptoms have lasted this long is concerning:( I've considered bipolar disorder and schizophrenia but those don't seem to capture exactly what these past years have been...there's been no clear mania with high energy or deep depression. Just feeling kind of alone and frustrated. I'm young and my brain is still developing so I hope this might go away. But anyways my question is, are the moods and thoughts part of a separate mental illness that was pre-existing in me, or just part of the horrible effects of a bad reaction to weed?? Any knowledge or personal experience on this subject would be really useful. Thanks so much:)