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i had my abortion done yesterday and i've been desperately trying to find a place to share my story, in the hope that i can reach out and help those who are also in pain. so you get an idea, im a 22 yo student who has only been with her partner for 3 months. i got pregnant unexpectedly and due to family issues and the financial sides, it would have been hard to keep the baby. although i really wanted to, my partner kept pushing that i don't have it and therefore was left with no choice but to get it done.

basically i woke up very early yesterday morning, i left my house before anyone else even left for work. each step i took which brought me closer to the clinic made me cry even more. i finally reached my destination with my partner and was very surprised at the fact there were so many other people in there; all from different walks of life, of all different ages, all with their own individual reasons for doing what they were going to do. a few were crying, but most, including me were keeping a front, but no matter how much we tried to hide, our faces all told the same story.

it took two hours of going from one doctor to another, getting counseling here, signing paperwork there. i was finally led into a room where i was told to change into a dark blue gown, and i couldn't help but pray to God to forgive me for what i was about to do, tears rolling down my eyes to promise to take care of the baby i so desperately wanted to keep, but i had no choice but to give up. the dreaded knock from the nurse came and she took me into a room, a place i will never ever forget for as long as i live. the room was huge and filled with beautifully made white beds...with women all asleep from the operation. i wanted to scream but all i managed to do was cry even more. i walked a couple of steps into a smaller room where there was an operating table, by this time i could hardly breathe. bustling nurses going here and there preparing for my 10 minute operation, the doctor with a big smile on her face somehow unfortunately didn't make me feel better...but it was imperative that she was nice even for that moment. the nurse by this time was holding my hand and the doctor asked me one final time if i was sure this is what i wanted to do....and without even thinking i said 'yes'. i felt the sting of the needle and i quietly said goodbye to my baby...i felt myself calming down and the next thing i knew it was over. the clock on the wall told me that i was only asleep for half an hour. as tired as i was, that i could barely sit up, i forced myself to to leave the clinic as soon as i could. the waiting bay only had two other girls, both found it hard to smile back at me as i offered mine. the drugs must have had a very strong effect on me because the sadness didn't kick in until today. from the moment i woke up i have been crying like i never have before. i find the pain unbearable. it can never be compared to any sort of loss you will face in your life. i seriously have no clue how i'll cope through this, as i feel my partner is of no help at all. to him it was just something we had to do and now it's done. i hate myself for loving everyone else more than my own child. for putting everyone else's feelings first instead of my own. i don't know if i'll be able to forgive myself or if i'll be able to feel happiness in my life once again....because right now all i can manage to feel is sorrow.

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i know just how you feel, only my situation was disgustingly different than yours, i am married with two children my oldest is 7 and i had her at fifteen, and have actually done really well, i am a nurse and have a fairky sucessful career. when my youngest child (now 18 months) was four months old i got pregnant, i didn't know what to do I was so overwhelmed by the idea of having another baby so soon and my husband said we couldnt afford another one right then and too many other excuses to name, so we decided to abort, i took the pills and immediately regretted what I had done, as did my husband, i just cried for weeks, and every time I held my son all I could think of was how I had killed my own child and how terrible i was,and my relationship with my husband has never been the same either it is like a big elephant in the room with us, the shared guilt is almost unbearable at times, and when the due date came and went and i realized how it wouldnt have been so terrible and that i could have handled having two little ones all that emotion just came back three fold, that abortion is the biggest regret of my life because it was purely selfish and now I am terrified to have any more children because in the back of my mind i am scared that god will punish me for what I did wrong and I don't know if i even deserve any more. we never told anyone what we did and it will eat away at you O would like to tell you it will get better and maybe for you it will but i know for me it is a guilt that I will always have.
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Dear baddecisions, you and your husband need to grieve together and support each other. Go to counseling together. You still have your other 2 children and the one that is in heaven. It was both of your decision so why not grieve together and work on your life together. You have a family together and your kids need you to be there for them. You will have a hard time if you don't overcome this and this coul affect your children. I'm sure you love each other and love your children. You need to forgive yourself. Please get help if that is what it takes.
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To be perfectly honest I am too ashamed of myself to actually openly admit to anyone what we did. I haven't told a soul. I know we need to talk about it but he WILL NOT talk to me about it he just says we have to move on and try and put it behind us but the guilt is so much for me that I just can't forget what I did. I know if i had thought it over more I would never have gone through with it, I never realized how huge of an impact this would have on my life. Thats why i am so happy to have found this forum its a place where I CAN talk about it and yet be completely annonymous. Thank you for your advice.
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Don't be ashamed for making what you thought was the right decision. If you believe in a higher power. That higher power already knows how you feel. Forgive yourself. You must if you want to be ok. And you have to be ok! You cannot punish yourself your whole life. Life is but a moment, the present. You have your husband and your kids. Grieve was done and love each other.
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Im 16 ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. it was the hardest thing for me to chose to do. I never hurt so bad. My mom and boyfriend both supported my decision. I feel like the hurt will never go away i dont know what to do. It hurts even worse . I fight with my mom and she'll say stuff like " your going to end up pregnant again" "im not going to be there for you next time" why dont we tell your dad. I dont know what to do i tell her constantly i hurt and its like she doesnt care. ='[
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im 18 and i had an abortion last june and everyday i still cry about it. people keep telling me to get over it but this isnt helping. iv suffered from deppression for 8 years iv recently left the priory hospital for an eating disorder and i know now having the abortion was a mistake im suicidle what do i do. :-(
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my situation is different i'm married had an affair got pregnant wanted to keep the baby but due the fact i'm in the military i couldn't keep it if someone find out about it i would a go to jail i'm so sad i even think about suicide i miss my child so much
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I had a abortion just more than a year ago, it was a heartbreaking situation.My boyfriend and i suspected i was pregnant but i didnt want 2 test cause i knew what he would say.Eventually i did a test and it was positive so he immediately told me i was going to have a abortion even though it was not something i wanted to do and what made it worse is that he left the country for a year 2 days after i found out so he reckoned it was the only option. After begging him he told me i either lose thee baby or he'll never come back.So while in this emotional state i went to the clinic all by myself 2 weeks after he left and had the abortion done. I was in immense pain afterwards. Throughout the whole experience and up to today i still cry. It was the worse experience ever. My boyfriend never supported me afterwards all he could say was get over it. When the due date arrived i called him and told him, he then threw the phone done cause he was sick of hearing about it and didnt call back for 2 weeks.Needless to say i called him and broke it off.
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i had an abortion about 6 months ago. the images from that clinic are engraved in my brain for the rest of my life. they had to take an ultra sound to make sure i was really pregnant, and well, as they walked me out of the room, i caught a glimpse of my baby, down to the second waiting room where 3 other girls where wearing blue gowns. as i was awaiting to get escorting to the surgery room i just kept picturing that ultra sound over and over and over again. i knew there was no turning around now but i regret ever getting it down.. i feel even more helpless and miserable than i would if i actually kept my baby. i didnt even give my baby a chance. i feel like i took the easy path out because i didnt want to be "inconvienced" i feel like a murderer!!! i dont know what to do.. i didnt tell anyone, not even my mom... me and my parents were finally FINALLY getting along and i just didnt have the heart to tell them i was even pregnant.. so all these emotions have been bottled up inside of me for the past 6 months... i want a second chance.. i cant forgive myself for doing what i did
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Sweety, I know exactly how you feel. I was forced by my parents to get it done, and i am 21 years old. they made me go thru with it so i feel copletely robbed. I got it dne 4 weeks ago tomorrow, and every day i cry about it. I cry when i read your story. I dont know how to tell you it gets easier because its still very hard for me. my boyfriend didnt want me to do it, so he resents me for it so i dont even know how we are going to make it. this is one of those " if i could go back in time" moments. i never felt it was right or what i wanted. and as different as our situations are, i do understand the regret, and depression. you just have to look at it as you did it, its done and over with, and it will just make it that much better when you get pregnant again. Im so sorry you have to deal with this pain dear, but you will be ok. Its going to be hard and you will have good days and bad days, but just keep your head up, and take it as a learning experience.
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Well, I have not done mine yet but I am 24, with a loving man and 14 weeks pregnant. My baby has been diagnosed with neural tube defects as well as Down Syndrome on a CVS test. We have opted for an abortion but I don't know if I can go through with it. My baby looks so beautiful on the sonar but I cannot carry the medical costs of keeping it and my Doctor assured me that my baby would probably not survive for long. Would it not be unfair to my baby if I had to put my baby through a life like that? How can I trust myself knowing that there is a chance that I may have to bury my own child?What effect would it have on my spouse? I need some advice here because I don't know what to do. I feel for you ladies because I know that in most cases your babies were not wanted by your partners or you could not afford it but this baby is so loved...
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Tomorrow will be 2 years exactly since I got my abortion done.. Everyday I think about my baby and it still hurts as much as it did as the first day that I did it. I feel selfish and days like today i cant even look at a baby without wanting to cry. I dont talk about it with anybody and the baby's dad and I are no longer together. Weird he was my first love and spent 4 years of our life together.. 4 days after I had my abortion I found out he had gotten another girl pregnant.. seeing him with his daughter just brought more pain to it all.. I wish that it got easier to deal with but just when im learning to forgive myself im reminded of how i didnt give my baby a chance to live.
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I never thought that this is something I would be going through at 28 having an aboriton. I understand you feelings of guilt, sadness, and even have feelings of suicide. I opted out to the pill. Less intrusive more like a miscarriage, but either way I knew what I was doing and that didn't make the feelings of guilt any less. I can't function, I can't breathe, I feel like I am in panic mode all of the time. My 2 girls are trying to get close to me because they know something is wrong though they don't know what and I keep pushing them away. My husband says we made the right choice. It was both of our decisions. I am not saying it was the right one but it was ours. We are the only ones that know with one acception of my friend who has been so great and trying to keep me up and breathing. All I know is that once I took that pill I knew in my heart that what i did was terribly wrong, but there was nothing i could do. I got into the truck and turned my head away from my husband. I couldn't look at him, not because I was angry with him but I was ashamed of myself. I sat there and cried quietly...tears running down my face...until i finally fell asleep. I woke up at home (3 hours away) went to my room and harbored so much emotion. I slept until the next day. That was friday, I know the feelings of remorse aren't going to go away now...being monday...i wish it would go away the pain...I just need someone to talk to you know...someone that is going through what I am...if you need someone to talk to let me know....here is my _[removed]_
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9 years ago, I also had an abortion. I was 18 and in college. I ended up moving in with my with a guy who was supposely a friend of mine after my mother threw me out of the house because I wanted to study finance and she wanted me to be a doctor. Anyhow, this guy was a friend of mine that I knew from a deli that I got my coffee from. He took me in and let me live with him and his family. As is turned out, he needed a green card and I agreed to marry him because I had no place to go. Then 3 months into the marriage he changed and I got pregnant. He then threw me out of the house because he did not want his mother to know he was married. Then my cousin saw me panhandling on the NYC subway and called my grandmother. My grandmother then called my mother and made her take me back in. My mother then agreed to take me in and help me. However, in return, I had to get the marriage annulled and report him to the INS, terminate the pregnancy, go on the Depo shot, and get a part-time job. I agreed to my mother's terms because I had no money and I wanted to finish my degree. She paid the lawyer for the annulment and the abortion. The clinic did not want to give me the Depo shot till I had at least 3 cycles. Anyhow, 3 months after the abortion, I got the shot. I became very depressed after the abortion and especially when I started taking the Depo shot. I hated the terrible side effects. I was tired, nausious, I had no periods, weight gain, bloatedness, headaches, and moodiness. I started hating my mother and consequently myself because of it. I was very depressed and eventually I wanted to go off the shots and get pregnant again but my mother would not let me come off the shot. Everytime I saw a baby, I would cry or go after it because I wanted a baby. It even got to the point I wanted to end my own life. I have even tried to kill myself because I felt guilty about having an abortion. Right after the procedure, I felt as if my womb has been violated and I even felt more violated when my mother took me to the clinic to get the shot. The nurses at the clinic even had to hold me to give me the shot because my mom told them to. I used to even scream on the train that I wanted to kill my mother. I resented her a whole lot. It has even gotten to the point that now I cannot enjoy being intimate with a man. Anyhow, eventually I started going to church and praying regularly. I confessed to my priest that I had an abortion and felt really guilty about it. At that moment, I realized that God forgave me and that gave me the courage to go on with my life. Now my mom no longer makes me get the shot because I went into a coma 4 years ago. After the coma, I had to go on the pill and take it in front of my mother. Now my mother trusts me and I recently got off the pill because I do not have sex and do not plan to till I marry my fiance and I want to be able to get pregnant when I do marry.
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