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I had an abortion when I was 18. If I am honest, I dont even remember making my decision.
I was living at home at the time, when i told my parents i just knew i had no choice. My mum had a miscarriage between me an my sister. I remember her telling me that I was stupid and irresponsible as there are so many people out there desperate for children and cant have them, I knew adoption would not be an option as i knew a few years down the line, I would want my child back.
My mum found it too difficult to talk about it due to her personal experiences, so it was just not spoken about, not before or after, it all happened so quickly.

Now im 25 and it has always played on my mind. My sister had her little girl a month after my abortion and she look so much like me as a child, how i would expect my little girl to look, i find it hard to hold a good relationship with he as it hurts. It plays a massive part in my relationship as i am now desperate for a baby and my partner is just not ready. Deep down i know it wont fill this hole i have, but i feel so empty. My baby would be 6 now, I often think about how my life would be.

I resent my mum for never talking to me, asking about how i feel, things might be different now. I understand it must have been hard for her, but, if i could not turn to my mum, who could i talk to? I felt so ashamed at what i had done, and i still do.

How can i move on....i want to stop feeling like this.

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Hi Honey! 1st of all BIG HUGS! You NEED to forgive yourself honey! You did what NEEDED to be done right then - was it right for you ? Obviously not! Was it right for the circumstances THEN? YES!! I will tell you a similar story, my dearest friend became pregnant at 16 her parents demanded she terminate, but she didn't want too and had to move out! When she agreed to give the baby up for adoption, she was allowed home! Her home life was TERRIBLE! So after she gave birth she signed the papers - and the PAIN she was in I will NEVER wish on anyone - and I'm sure you feel the same way! BUT she HAD to do this - as did you! She knew that she wanted more for her child than she had, and there was ZERO support! Within 1 year she was pregnant - on purpose - and got married! She had 3 more after that - to fill the "Hole" BUT it was never filled, because those babies weren't THAT baby! Even though your brain realizes that, your heart wont let you forget, there is a song (hope I quote it right) "I cut a chord and my heart wont forgive me, even after all these years" Hearts NEVER forgive! So you need to accept that you HAVE been hurt and are still hurting! There are grief counsellors etc, and more and more hospitals and clinics are offering gardens for babies! Becaue with ALL of this pain and regret, how can there be NOTHING tangible right? There HAS to be something out there causing you so much pain, so this is a way of you dealing with what you HAD to do! By planting a tree, or some sort of recognition that this baby meant SO much to you!

An Abortion and Adoption too me are the same when it comes to the heart of the mother! There is STILL that loss! So google your areas grief groups, and see if your local hospitals have the angel gardens that I speak of! And even though you are in NEED of a baby, without your b9yfriend being on the same page, you WILL find yourself in the same position! Your mom was NOT in the zone with your abortion, she had suffered a loss so couldn't quite grasp what to do! She was hurting just as much as you ARE! So don't blame her for not stepping up to the plate OK? It's one hell of a time for parents! I have had THE converstation with both my boys that IF a pregnancy occurs they do NOTHING without talking to us first! And I think more parents need that talk WELL before anything happens - kind of like the ground rules! So I wish you peace of mind and heart and concscience you NEED to forgive yourself! You didn't do it visciously, you did it for the best interests and that can NOT be frowned on OK? BIG HUG!
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hi im 20 yrs old from italy. as i have read to your post you guys are the same like me who had an abortion. yeah, it is true that the pain is not physically but emotionally. i have regret to what i did but i have no choice. and now i have a problem, i dont know if i can be pregnant again. after the abortion i rested for three days but i encounter a pain at under my stomach which is thelandmark for uterus. i am too afraid to not have a baby again. is there any possibilities that i will not be pregnant again? base on your idea and experience or any other fact from you guys. plzz help me, every night i can't sleep about this. im so afraid. plzzz help me.
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Hi honey! There is no reason why you can't have children in the future! As long as the procedure was done medically! The old days of coat hangers and hooks have been replaced with FAR safer ways and remember that the uterus and the ovaries/tubes are not affected! Just keep an eye on the pain and make sure you don't get a temperature etc. As this can be signs of an infection which you will need to be seen for immediately! Just know that for now you DEFINITELY need protection ALL the time - as after having an abortion, miscarriage, etopic pregnancy, pregnancy, you are FAR more fertile and could easily become pregnant again! Good luck and health!
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