I just don't know why. Why do they always have to show to me like I don't belong in this world. They always see the wrong things in me. I do understand that they always notice my wrong doings because I know that they want me to learn from it that I was wrong. but i'm so tired, so tired of hearing those words which made my life so messed up. those words like "Why do you have to be like that? "Why are you not like your brother and sister who are intelligent?" Every morning, when I got home from school, everyday, everywhere. just why? I am so damn tired. tired of hating myself. Tired of being a nobody. I really am doing my best to prove everything to you that I can also do what they can do. I don't know why you always show me how stupid I am. I can't even tell you what I feel abut everything because you never understand me. The last time i told you my feelings, what did you do? you never even cared at all. Issuance of cards in our school but you never showed up. You never sign my grade card yet you signed my brother's card. I told you when I was still in sixth grade that I have this kind of abnormal heart beating but you said that "it's just you imagination" And now I am in grade 8, you still never show me the feeling of being loved by a parent. 14 years of existence here in earth, still shouting, been wanting to express but I can't because you don't understand. Because my parents will never understand. Please help me. Please.
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Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time.
First and foremost you do belong in this world and even with the struggles with your parents not understanding you it may not feel like it but they do love you and no doubt want what is best for you and to see you succeed.
Like you said they are quick to pick up on what you have done wrong and your right they want you to learn from your mistakes.
Don't try to live up to the expectations they have of your brother or sister like you said your doing your best and if you are learning from the mistakes you make and are trying to change the behaviours that your parents feel are wrong hopefully they will start to notice the improvement.
Don't think your a nobody and don't hate who you are you no doubt have many wonderful qualities that at the moment are overshadowed by the difficulties you are having with your parents.
Are you able to talk with your parents without it turning into a conflict or an argument if you could find away to calmly tell them the way you are feeling at the moment it could be a great start into them beginning to understand you. What you have posted and the way you have expressed how you feel and how much it hurts is what your parents need to hear they may not even realize how much this is bothering you.
If you aren't able to talk to them about this stuff writing it out for them is worth considering. It could just be finding away to start having a calm an open discussion with them nothing can be sorted out with arguing and asking them to talk might be difficult but they need to know how your feeling and hopefully this is just the first step towards you an your parents working through the problems you are having.
Also talking to your school counselor is worth considering as well.
If your comfortable with doing it you could try just asking your parents if you could please talk let them know you don't want to argue but also let them know you would really like to talk things threw.
At 14 your probably looking for independence at times but there are times like this when you need the love and understanding of your parent's and it's ok to ask for it.
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