How To Avoid Family Drama On Thanksgiving

The risk of having a heart attack goes up during the fall and winter months. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the festive season for many, but could it also mean you're entering the Danger Zone?

We're not actually going to talk about heart attacks today, beyond noting this — research has ruled lower temperatures out as a cause of their increased risk and instead blames diet and... stress. 

Read More: Top 10 Healthiest Recipes for Thanksgiving Dinner

You truly have a reason to give thanks if you fall into the first category. If you have relatives who make you so stressed they could bring on a heart attack, with the stress creeping in at least a month before the actual holiday itself, you are not alone. Thankfully, there are some strategies you can employ to keep your cool. 

You might have to swallow your tongue a few times, but that's a small price to pay for increased mental health, no?

Don't Engage

Those folks who are already dreading Thanksgiving and the holidays that follow will have solid reasons to fear the worst — past gatherings will already have been ruined by individual relatives or a nasty family dynamic that seems to thrive on arguments. You might have the sort of relatives you know you would never voluntarily socialize with if they were not related, but you still care about their feelings and opinions precisely because you are family.

Perhaps you are worried that your mother in law will bully you because of your weight, that your cousin will question your parenting choices (yet again!), or that your narcissistic grandfather will either create arguments or want everyone to listen to him and him alone. 

Defend your choices or point out they're being inappropriate, and you'll create a one-upmanship game that will last the rest of your time together. You won't change your relatives, but you might be able to get out of unpleasant conversations. 

React to unsolicited "helpful advice" by thanking them for it, and perhaps adding you'll consider what they said. Don't reply in hurtful comments, other than perhaps saying that you thought the comments were quite hurtful. Are two other relatives constantly bickering with each other? Do them both a favor by changing the topic.

By letting hurtful, offensive or inappropriate comments slide off you like water slides off a duck's back, you might just deactivate that bomb and have a relatively uneventful holiday. Remember — dysfunctional dynamics took years to grow roots, and one conversation won't change a person's attitude. You can't change someone else's attitude, but you can change how you handle it — make bringing tension down your goal, and you'll have a different holiday. 

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries in advance will save you a lot of hurt and anger, so just do it. Tell your mom and her new husband that you will stay for dinner but are choosing to head home afterwards. Make it clear to everyone that you really must stick to a gluten-free diet and even traces of gluten will make you sick, so they can come to your house if they want to spend time with you. 

Often, certain relatives just really don't get along and ruin family holidays for everyone else. Whether you are one of them or it's others, sort the situation out before the actual holiday. Get in touch by phone or email and convince the other person or people to act normally — perhaps for grandma's sake, or so that your kids can play nicely together.

Now is the time to start setting those boundaries. By the time you're all sitting down for your roast turkey, it is too late, so pick up the phone and try. Gently. If attempting to keep the peace creates drama in itself, perhaps it's time to consider skipping the family Thanksgiving dinner altogether.

Toxic Relatives? Make Thanksgiving Bearable!

Get A Drama Buddy

You might really be looking forward to seeing some relatives, while being extremely stressed about the possibility of getting into conflict with others. It's all about weighing the pros and cons, and you might well decide that the pro of making grandma happy outweighs the con of chatting with your racist uncle. 

Deciding to head into your own personal war zone doesn't mean the experience will be easy, though — and you may not want to face it alone. Your partner may be a great drama buddy to whom you can vent, but we all know that isn't always the case. If you're staying with your in laws, it's going to be even harder. 

Read More: How to Detox After Your Thanksgiving Feast

Update each other about the stupid things your relatives have said and done, so you don't have to let the irritation build up. Your relatives' behavior could look a whole lot different if you decide to see it as an exercise in sociology, to share with someone who understand exactly what you are going through. 

You don't have an undersanding friend? No worries. Simply head for the internet. Anonymously, of course.

Simply Say No

Everyone's dysfunctional family situation is unique. Some people's relatives are just irritating or nosy, while others are dealing with personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder is particularly tough on relatives), alcoholism, past abuse, or other really tough issues. 

You may decide to get together for Thanksgiving, in which case you can employ some of the strategies above, but you may also decide that the inevitable drama is just not worth it. Do you really, truly, not want to see your relatives?

Yes, you bet that this will cause its fair share of drama as well, but it's up to you which type of drama you prefer. 

Before We Forget...

Don't get drunk around toxic family members, because you'll be more likely to say something you will regret. Do leave yourself a get-out clause. Don't commit to a whole week away across the country, or worse — a whole gang of relatives at your house. Make sure you have something to do the day after Thanksgiving, like work or some social commitment. 

Finally, if you have kids, brief them on the situation. Make sure you, your partner and your kids are a united front. Tell your kids what they need to know about your difficult family members and explain that some people have problems that make them hard to deal with.