The Babysitter Selection Process

As a parent, you probably won't have access to FBI-style resources. You can't subject your potential babysitter to a lie detector test, finger print checks, drug testing, and have a private investigator tail them. That does not mean you're powerless, though. With the right approach, you won't even need all those fancy resources.

Gavin de Becker offers a comprehensive list of questions for potential nannies, which I have linked in the links box at the bottom of this article for you to review. (I also can't recommend his books enough to anyone who cares about personal safety, both their own and their children's.) Questioning potential babysitters doesn't guarantee you'll get honest answers by any means, but you'll certainly get much more information than you would if you didn't ask tough questions at all.

Among de Becker's suggested questions are these:

• What is your philosophy about discipline?
• Have you ever suspected that a child in your care was being sexually molested by someone?
• Why do you do this work?
• What is your opinion of drugs and alcohol?
• Who is your best friend and how would you describe your friendship?
• Describe the best child you ever babysat for. Describe the worst child you ever babysat for.

By asking these questions along with the others from de Becker's list, you'll be able to form a good initial impression of the person. De Becker also gives another essential piece of advice: ask for references, and contact all of them. Not only will you get to know the candidate much better, you'll also raise the consequence of doing anything inappropriate for the babysitter, who knows you have a connection to their real life, so they can't just disappear into the sunset. 

It's even better to ask the references the person supplies to give you the number of another person who also knows your candidate. These "cold references", who are not expecting your call, are very unlikely to have been briefed on what to say in advance and can give you much more accurate information. 

A Word About Agencies 

You may think babysitting agencies will already have done that tough vetting work for you, so you don't have to worry. Just remember that it's in these agencies' interest to approve candidates, rather than to reject them. This may skew their interpretations. Parents who find their sitters through an agency should still go through an interview process, just as those who locate their candidates independently. Likewise, you may feel safer if someone you know recommends a sitter, but that feeling may be misplaced and you will still want to ask the same tough questions. 

What Else Do You Need To Know?

Young teen girls are certainly the least likely to abuse your child. They are also the least likely to be able to deal with emergency situations like strangers trying to get into the house, fires, and the like. Furthermore, they may invite boyfriends and friends over when you are not around. 

When we first hired a babysitter, I decided to stay around the house while she was there for a few months. This way, I was able to get my work done while still having the possibility to observe how the sitter got on with my kids. I visited her house, meeting her husband and kids. I even went to her Church with her on one occasion. Once we had developed a trust relationship, I left my kids for short periods of time, to go shopping or to drink a coffee with my husband across the road. Gradually, everyone became comfortable with each other. Though she is no longer our babysitter, years later she is still a family friend. 

See Also: Parents & Babysitters: First Aid Guide for Children

Do you take the approach that "you never know about people"? Well, if you have a weird gut feeling about your sitter, there may be a reason for that. Don't wait until you get definite "proof" something inappropriate is happening. If you feel the need to install a nannycam, it's already time for your sitter to go.