Are you over-protective?

Here are some questions which should help you see if you’ve been acting over-protective.

• You rule out activities that involve being away from your child like overnight camps.
• You rule out physical activities that could result in an accident like rock climbing or horse riding.
• You constantly worry about the well being of your child to the extent it makes you anxious.
• You feel secure only when your child is under your watchful eye.
• You are always helping your child in projects, homework or assignments because you don't want your child getting upset over mistakes or getting stressed out.
• You get obsessed with getting the right medicines and running helter-skelter for a doctor's appointment making the child feel sicker than s/he actually is.

How to overcome this problem?

Overprotective parents should definitely change their attitude if they want their children to grow up as independent and confident adults.

First step
Parent should admit that he or she has problems with parenting. If a parent suspects that they are excessively protective, they should first consult the other parent to see if these doubts are true. 

Second step
The second step he should take is listen to his child. A normal parent should try to convey to his child that his caution stems from concern for the child’s safety. The child should understand that this behavior is not caused by a lack of trust in the child’s competence.
A parent could discuss the dangers of the activity with the child and advise him what to do in case of an emergency and make judgments based on an assessment of the child’s overall competence and judgment. 

Tips for kids

• Be honest - tell your parents how you feel. How can they respect your opinions if you keep them all for your self?
• Always listen to their reasoning, try to understand their point of view.  
• It is important to address issues one by one. If you think they're being unfair, say so, but keep it calm and sensible. Try to show them why it's unfair by giving examples or evidence.  
• Always try to meet them halfway. While you live with them, they'll always have a final say, but some gentle bartering can help.  
• Try to get real
• Talk to them as much as you can. Let them know that your world is okay and explain to them why you do things the way you do.
• Try to introduce them to things that you enjoy. Get them online or talk to them about your favorite band, TV-programme or film.  
• Think what you really want your parents to accept about the way you want to live your life
• Try spending more time with them, even if it's just eating dinner at the table together and having a chat.  
• If it gets really bad, a quiet, tactful word might help
• Act responsibly because you can't expect your parents to treat you like an adult if you still act like a kid.  
• Realize that sometimes, your parents really do know best.
• Don't expect your parents' attitudes to change overnight. Slowly build their trust
• Several researches done on this subject have shown that one of the things pushy parents worry about most is that you will end up not achieving anything. Try reassuring them that whatever direction you choose in life, you'll do it to the best of your ability. If you can show them that you have ambitions for yourself and plans to make them happen, they may stop pushing and start supporting you instead.

The bottom line

Parents should understand that young people have a right to be heard, but there are effective ways to go about making points and there are ways which are counterproductive. Remeber what we said on the beginning - young people who are experiencing "smother love" should study their parents and try to understand their attitudes and motives. These kids should keep the lines of communication open and try to identify the influences which may cause parents to be uptight about some of their choices.