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Hi, I am about to marry a man with children, so I will become step mother. I want to learn how step parents can build good relationships with their children.

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Hi, it is certainly not an easy task to become mother to someone, so you must be very careful. Your attitude toward these children is very important, so if you want to move on and live your life with your new husband without unwilling baggage from the past, such as children it will be very difficult to accept them. In the beginning you will not be welcomed, later you may develop better relationship with these children. Children will prefer to spend time alone with their parent and they will not like the fact that they have you around to share the parent with you. Biological parent can have determining role on how you will be treated as part of this family.
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The previous poster is right. The parents will play a big part in how you are accepted into the family. Don't try to "buy" the children with toys and such. Just give them time to accept you. It is easier if the parents help them accept you. As an exstepmom I know the nervousness of being accepted. My stepchildren were very young when I came into the picture and I feared they would hate me but they accepted me rather well under the circumstances. My mom is a stepmom and her stepkids hated her at first and made her life a nightmare and it took until they were adults for them to stop being so mean to her (and my mom was 100% wonderful to them). Children get jealous if the attention goes to anyone else, and a lot of children want their parents together. As a newly divorced mom I can say that I dread the day my boys get a stepmom because so many woman try to take the mom role instead of realizing they are a stepmom and that is a different thing all together. Just give it time. Listen to them when they talk, come up with activities that you guys can do together that they will enjoy, allow them time with just their dad, let them know that you aren't trying to be there mom but that you love them and want to be a part of their life. There are tons of books out that discuss being a stepparent because it is so common these days. Good luck. I am sure as long as the other parent is nice you will be just fine.
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ok this is coming from a 13 year old so dont feel insulted but my stepmoms a *****. if you have children of your own DO NOT favor them or act like it in anyway. if there mom is still alive dont talk about her to them because they'll just get mad because your trying to understand how there feeling, teens dont want that also try to get along with her if there is split custody. my stepmoms evil and kicked me out of my dads house

**edited by moderator**
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I am fifteen years old and I am a daughter of divoreced parents and have both a step father and step mother. My advice to all people who are in a relationship with someone who has kids already, dont follow through. Ive been going through the dating process with me parents since I was two years old. The off and on finding a love for a parent whose divoreced shouldnt be their top priority, it should be taking care of their kid and loving them till the day you die. The parents of this generation disgust me, and and sadly that applies to my parents to.
THERAPY DOES NOT WORK FOR A KID WHOSE LIFE HAS BEEN MESSED UP JUST BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS WANT TO HAVE FUN.
responsibility is number one in key once you have a kid.
Their the only peice of you that is going to stay on this earth after you die and its your job to cherish every moment with them.
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