Coping With Aggressive, Paranoid And Deluded Elderly People

In my line of work as a carer to the elderly, I have encountered many different things. Thankfully, few elders have ever been outwardly aggressive towards me, but one lady physically assaulted me while another became convinced that I was, along with other carers and neighbors, conspiring against her. Yet another was always extremely unhappy and would yell when my contract wouldn't allow me to do the things she demanded, or I wasn't fast enough for her liking. 

As a carer, rather than a relative, "floating above the situation" as an observer, someone not personally affected, becomes second nature after a while. I can only recommend that relatives attempt to behave in a similar manner, emotionally detaching themselves from difficult episodes as much as they are able. Here are some tips for you. 

Don't Try To Convince Them

What happens when you try to convince people who suffer from paranoia or delusions that they are wrong, or even that they need psychiatric assistance? Let's just say this: I have never personally experienced a good outcome to that kind of attempt, and will never try again! You will have an angry loved-one on your hand, one who will most likely come to believe that you are part of the problem if they didn't already, and you be be left emotionally drained. 

I have told some of the above customers, for instance, that dealing with those feelings must be very difficult, or that I am sorry they are in such distress. Those simple statements do not reinforce a delusion, but also avoid putting someone with delusions on the defensive. The same can be applied to angry people who do not suffer from delusions. 

Distract And De-Escalate

When the lady I mentioned above, who physically assaulted me, got angry, I'd simply ignore what happened, take a step back, and ask her if she knew where the garlic was, at what time her favorite show started, or ask her to come help me decide what washing she wanted put on. Distracting an elder with dementia with something completely different can often help them snap out of their aggressive episodes quickly. 

Don't Take It Personally

Having a loved-one, especially one who used to be a very kind and caring person, turn on you like that can be draining. While this behavior is ongoing, remember — if at all possible — that their actions aren't about you but about their own perception of the world. When an elder engages in aggressive behavior, something is obviously troubling them.

READ What to Do About Nosy (or Aggressive) Neighbors In The Nursing Home

Should you greatly be affected by your loved-one's behavior towards you, something that is very understandable indeed, consider seeking individual or group therapy or discuss your feelings with your spouse, a friend, another relative, or even people on internet discussion boards who are going through something similar.